Indians, White Castle Team Up to Attract More Fat-Ass Fans

By Nathan RabeSportsonastick.comMay 7, 2009 In an effort to perk up sagging attendance numbers and attract more fat-ass fans to Jacobs Field, the Cleveland Indians have decided to go with their gut, as the saying goes.  In this case, it looks like that old cliche can be taken literally. At a team press conference Monday, Indians General Manager Mark Shapiro introduced the Indians newest promotion--a cooperative effort with perennial fat-ass favorite, White Castle--the "Seat And A Sack" deal.The promotion offers any ticket-buying fat-ass a free sack of 12 White Castle "Slider" hamburgers with each ticket purchased, and will last the duration of the 2009 season.  A more modestly-priced alternative to the $32 AM/PM "All You Can Eat Seats" promotion, the deal is expected to target a slightly different fat-ass demographic.Cleveland, recently named the 10th most obese city in America by Forbes magazine, has no shortage of fat-asses, and the Indians are doing their best to bring in their share.  "We' want to appeal to the plus-sized fans here in Cleveland," Shapiro stated, "Pound-for-pound, I know that this city has some of the jolliest sports fans in the nation, and I want the roly-poly people of Cleveland to be a big-ass part of our enormous tribe."  He added, "plus, who can resist shoveling down a sack of 'Sliders' on a sweltering 105 degree summer afternoon in Cleveland?  That's just great baseball."Stadium workers at Jacobs Field are scrambling to accommodate the fat-asses who will be brought in by the new promotion.  In addition to anticipating more congested concourses inside the stadium, beer and soft drink vendors are preparing for increased sales. Seat maintenance crews are reinforcing stadium seating for the huskier new attendees, and, most importantly, 23 new custodians were hired last week to combat the projected 74 percent increase in bathroom usage.