Knoblauch Subpoenaed for Failing to Respond to Invite; Former All-Star Claims it Didn't Include RSVP

Four-time All-Star Chuck Knoblauch was subpoenaed Tuesday by a congressional committee investigating steroids use in baseball after he failed to respond to an invitation to give a deposition. "Pardon my French, but we fucked up," admitted a committee staffer, as he vainly tried wiping crumbs from his semen-stained tie. "Chuck has every right to be miffed – if you're going to send an invitation, make sure you select the right paper – 20 lb Irish linen at a minimum -- and an appropriate serif font. In Washington we tend to hide our bad manners behind points of order and all that other formal bs. But let me ask you: when's the last time a Congressman asked permission before groping a male page? I rest my case."