MLB suspended 50 days for failed PED test

The entirety of Major League Baseball today tested positive for performance enhancing drugs and has been suspended 50 games. “Major League Baseball had has no tolerance for drugs the last year or two,” said commissioner Bud Selig. “Therefore, I am sending the entire sport to its room without dinner and grounding it for 50 games. Hopefully baseball will think have some time to think about what it’s done and get its act together in time for the Fourth of July barbecue at Uncle Mike’s.” What, he worry? This revelation comes on the heels of 2004 World Series MVP Manny Ramirez testing positive for an unnamed drug today, a week after Selena Roberts published a book saying three-time MVP Alex Rodriguez’s steroid use was...