Originally posted on IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS caught  |  Last updated 3/22/13
Dear madam or sir,If I were you, I’d buy one of those authentic Yankee Stadium $18 rain ponchos, the souped-up garbage bag liners, and wear it everywhere. Because vegetables could be flying, and some will be on target. Don't worry about tomatoes. But an acorn squash, that can really hurt.If I were you, I’d hire a taster. And a guy who carries caged canaries. And one of those stunt drivers from Fast & Furious 10. You need a personal security pod, capable of surviving an A-bomb from A-Rod. And an escape capsule, like Dr. Evil had, so you can shoot yourself into orbit, in case you’re surrounded by irate fans. Personally, I’d have plastic surgery to make myself look like Superboy. Does Bud Selig offer an Owner Protection Program? Do you carry a back-molar cyanide pill?It’s going to be a long long summer and a short short season. It might end in June, before summer even starts. People can be mean. Even Yankee fans, the most lovingest folks on the planet.  Sir, the Yankee apocalypse i...
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