The Chicago Cubs Have Ricketts! (No One Has Used That Title Yet, I'm Sure)

So when I fondle your nipples, girls, I'm going to use a counter rotating motion like this. Wait, one of you is my sister, right? Ah, **** it!If you all are still interested in the Cubs, you know with the WS and nationally televised Favre jerkfest going on, then I'm sure you've tuned into the press conference with new owners, the Rickettses (is that the plural?). Oh, you haven't? Well then, let me just highlight some of the points that Tom (I can call Tom, right?), and his lesbian sister (funny, in all the movies I've seen lesbians are attractive, please don't tell me Girls Gone Wild has been lying to me this entire time) outlined for the media and selective ****-face fans (Al Yellon is a ****-face, ******!).1. The Cubs will be moving to Shaumburg (Wrigley Field and all) and changing their name to the Rape Clowns.2. The Cubs will employ cheerleaders, but not like the Luvabulls. Instead, Aaron Miles, Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot will dress up in assless chap...