Originally posted on The North End End Zone  |  Last updated 8/3/12

Our fictional baseball team may have the largest pool of candidates from which we can choose. Baseball movies are the epitome of sports film, and there will be plenty of spirited debate surrounding our selections. Feel free to bring any complaints to your humble writer, and prepare to have you arguments squashed almost immediately. Looking at you, Northerner. If you actually read your own blog once in a while.

Now, ON TO THE TEAM!

--------------------------

Starting Pitcher: Henry Rowengartner, Rookie of the Year

There’s been much debate over whether Henry was a starter or a closer. All we know is that he threw heat, and we want him pitching as much as possible. He is also responsible for thousands of middle schoolers breaking their arms on purpose with the hopes of gaining a 100 mph fastball.

Honorable Mention: Steve Nebraska, The Scout

--------------------------

Relief Pitcher: Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn, Major League

Again, much controversy surrounded whether Wild Thing was a starter or a closer. In Major League 2, he basically proved that he can’t be an emotionless starting pitcher. He needs to get pumped up and throw fastballs. And that is what we want from our closer.

Honorable Mention: Nuke Laloosh, Bull Durham

--------------------------

Catcher: Ham Porter, The Sandlot

The Great Hambino. Not only does he hit well, but he can also go toe-to-toe in a game of dozens any day. He makes a mean s’more, and is a great distraction behind the plate. All in all, he’s the perfect catcher.

Honorable Mention: Crash Davis, Bull Durham

--------------------------

First Base: Lou Collins, Little Big League

Every team needs the older veteran player, and we have ours in Lou Collins. Not only is he a solid fielder and hitter, but he is also very skilled in sleeping with the manager’s mother. You can’t teach that.

Honorable Mention: Stan Ross, Mr. 3000

--------------------------

Second Base: Marla Hooch, A League of Their Own

In accordance with United States law, we needed to include at least one female in this series, and Juwanna Man doesn’t count. Marla Hooch is a girl, but despite Ham Porter’s belief, she doesn’t play ball like one. She’s a solid second base, and she can hit. She’s also learned first hand that there is no crying in baseball.

Honorable Mention: Frank Sinatra’s Character, Take Me Out to the Ballgame

--------------------------

Third Base: Roger Dorn, Major League

Dorn fought through an aging body and a cheating wife to eventually win it all with a bunch of people he didn’t really like. I imagine that's what non-Hokies feel when they graduate.

Honorable Mention: N/A, no one plays third base

--------------------------

Shortstop: Yeah Yeah, The Sandlot

Y’know, for a team with players from any walk of life, we sure have a lot of kids. This one is more out of necessity. Yeah Yeah is a bit player with a great name, and fortunately for him, this spot is wide open.

Honorable Mention: No one plays shortstop either

--------------------------

Left Field: Scotty Smalls, The Sandlot

Once again, we find ourselves taking a player from The Sandlot, mainly because it’s the only movie that shows characters playing positions other than pitcher. Scotty Smalls came a long way in a short time. He’s not really all that good, but his determination and work ethic get him over the mountain top. He’s the Tim Tebow of baseball players, without all the annoying media attention.

Honorable Mention: Kelly Leak, Bad News Bears

--------------------------

Center Field: Willie “Mays” Hayes, Major League

There is one question that humans have pondered for ages. Debate continues today, and every philosopher in history has weighed in on it.

The question: Willie “Mays” Hayes or Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez?

This was the most difficult position to finalize in this entire exercise. We put together super committees, asked experts, and even prayed a little. Finally, it was clear that Willie “Mays” Hayes triumphed. Not only does he bring a better bat, but he’s actually got a personality.

Honorable Mention: Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez

--------------------------

Right Field: Roy Hobbs, The Natural

The guy made his own bat AND knocked a homerun into the lights. Despite the fact that the stadium owner was probably pretty pissed, it was a unforgettable moment.

Honorable Mention: Archie “Moonlight” Graham, Field of Dreams

--------------------------

Umpire: Lt. Frank Drebin, The Naked Gun

Why are we including an umpire in our fantasy baseball team? Because f*** you, that’s why.

Also known as Enrico Pallazzo, Frank had the best strike calls of any umpire in history. We want him calling all of our games.

Honorable Mention: Al, Angels in the Outfield

--------------------------

Announcer: Harry Doyle, Major League

If every game was called by Harry Doyle, people might actually be able to watch a baseball game without falling asleep. Some people think that Doyle fell asleep himself during a broadcast, but that’s simply not true. In reality, he was drunk and passed out.

Honorable Mention: Monty, Major League

--------------------------

Manager: Billy Heywood, Little Big League

If anyone thought it was going to be anyone but Billy, you are insane. This kid was able to obtain a manager position within 5 minutes of talking to the general manager. He clearly aced Interpersonal Communications.

Honorable Mention: Lou Brown, Major League

--------------------------

Note: You may notice we did not include any players from Angels in the Outfield. Know why? Because they are all a bunch of CHEATERS. Angels are definitely against the rules.

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Irving believes LeBron leaked word of trade request

Spieth tells caddie to 'get that' after incredible eagle putt

Jerry Jones weighs in on NFL's Ezekiel Elliott investigation

Report: Les Miles 'extremely interested'; in Ole Miss job

Draymond Green, Conor McGregor go at it on Instagram

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

McFadden missed Cowboys charter flight to training camp

Amari Cooper shows up to training camp looking jacked

LaVar Ball pulls entire AAU team from floor, forfeits game

WATCH: Tim Tebow blasts home run No. 4 since being promoted

Saban: HS players could start skipping senior seasons

Mike Williams shoots down reports he will need surgery

Getaway Day: A pair of aces get lost in the shuffle

Sports & Politics Intersect: Trump casts shadow over U.S. Women's Open

Best of Yardbarker: General managers take the spotlight

The 'Pay that man his money' quiz

The unexpected rise of the Connecticut Sun

The National League Wild Card is suddenly relevant again

Kicking It: USMNT struggles to find consistency in Gold Cup as World Cup qualifying nears

Three Up, Three Down: The Dodgers are a complete juggernaut right now

BIG3 Week 5: Pivotal make-or-break weekend in Chicago

Who won the Open Championship in the year you were born?

Making an NFL GM change in the summer has its benefits

Box Score 7/21: Stay cool this weekend sports fans

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Yardbarker Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Getaway Day: A pair of aces get lost in the shuffle

Sports & Politics Intersect: Trump casts shadow over U.S. Women's Open

The National League Wild Card is suddenly relevant again

The 'Pay that man his money' quiz

BIG3 Week 5: Pivotal make-or-break weekend in Chicago

The 'Let's show a little love for James Jones' quiz

Making an NFL GM change in the summer has its benefits

The 'Yoan Moncada era starts now' quiz

The Orioles need to unwind past deals if they are going to rebuild

BIG3 Referee Hotline Bling: Sam Hinkie is calling the shots

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker