Where can I return this Christmas gift?

So last year when the Reds signed Corey Patterson to a 3 million dollar minor league contract you might have been asking what could be worse. Well today I wake up and have the answer.

CINCINNATI - Cincinnati Reds President of Baseball Operations and General Manager Walt Jocketty today announced the signing of free agent OF Willy Taveras to a two-year contract through the 2010 season.

Oh happy fucking Christmas. Two fucking years. I can't wait to find out how much the Reds are paying him. I'm going to guess 6 million over 2 years.

"Willy Taveras fills two significant needs for our ball club, a speed base stealing threat at the top of the order and superior defense in center field," said Jockettty.

Oh hell yea he does. I know I always want a guy with a .330 OBP at the top of my order. Especially when he is coming off a .308 OBP season in which he couldn't slug more than .300 in Coors.

"With the addition of Willy Taveras and Ramon Hernandez, along with Alex Gonzalez and Brandon Phillips, our defense substantially improves up the middle," said Jocketty

Is anyone else getting the feeling Jocketty might be doped up on ecstasy or something? This guy is clearly rolling out of his mind because the only way Ramon Hernandez can be viewed as a defensive upgrade is if you previously had no one sitting behind home plate. Also Alex Gonzalez huge upgrade up the middle. It's just a shame he will find some way to collect a paycheck with out working again.

I seriously want to throw up today. It could be that I was up all night getting to know someone I was going to regret in the morning, but I'm pretty sure it's because of Willy Taveras. Maybe I'm just over reacting, and everyone will do the opposite of what I expect.

I doubt it.