Originally written on IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS caught  |  Last updated 11/18/14
They just Ridley Scotted from my belly, gushed out after I heard the news:  Texas signed Roy Oswalt."OF COURSE THE F====G RANGERS SIGNED HIM. THEY GET F====G EVERYBODY.”Yes, people…  the Rangers are the Yankees.Unable to dominate the NFL, the malevolent, George Bushian state of Texas has chosen to exert its oily blood money in baseball. And we, the Eastern dandy heiress cupcakes that we are, graciously stepped aside.Once upon an owner, the Yankees chased every free agent, especially an experienced pitcher who just might help us win a pennant. Somebody on the market? The only question is baseball was, does George intend to sign him? Well, not anymore. The Steinboys own majority interest in a franchise estimated to be worth $4 billion. But when a free agent hits the market, they’re too busy perusing the slightly past sale-date aisle at Aldi’s. What really sucks is that Texas not only spends the bucks, but it already has the best team and best farm system in baseball. It’s the Rangers ...
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Penguins having three more players tested for mumps

Jay Cutler is not the answer for the Titans

Josh Smith released by Detroit Pistons in surprising move

13 amazing NFL stats from Week 16

JJ Watt's bloody face defines 2014 campaign

Dominic Raiola insists he didn't intentionally stomp opponent

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Jets call themselves the best 3-12 team in NFL history

Cam Newton calls out 'classless' Panthers fans

Report: 49ers to part ways with Harbaugh after season finale

Brad Stevens shoots down rumors he's headed to Hoosiers

Jameis Winston cleared in code of conduct case

Sherman: Patrick Peterson would be benched on Seahawks

Steve Smith expects 'couch quarterback' criticism

WATCH: Tennessee walk-on gets scholarship as bowl gift

Raiders player gives game check to young girl in need

Game of the week: Detroit Lions vs. Green Bay Packers

Yankees pay for education of slain officer's children

Breaking up the Brooklyn Nets

Brady: Edelman might be Pat's Most Dependable Player

Who can fight off the Golden State Warriors in the West?

NFL flexes Bengals-Steelers into 'Sunday Night Football' slot

Miami Dolphins electing to keep Joe Philbin a smart decision

Coughlin tells Beckham Jr to tone down TD celebrations

WATCH: Lynch ‘thanks the media for asking’ questions

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Game of the week: Lions vs. Packers

Breaking up the Brooklyn Nets

13 amazing NFL stats from Week 16

JJ Watt's bloody face defines 2014 campaign

Jets claim to be best 3-12 team ever

10 takeaways from NFL Week 16

Cam Newton calls out 'classless' Panthers fans

Raiola stomps on Bears player's ankle

Bears interested in Jim Harbaugh?

Shanahan to return to 2015?

Browns interested in drafting Mariota?

Mullen wears funny Christmas sweater

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.