by The Prophet, The Savage Science
Welcome to the Prophet's Tapout. If you've read my columns in the past you know that its not enough for me to be a fight sport journalism rock star, to live a life of luxury and privilege and to have so many hot 20 year old chicks at my disposal that I've had to hire an administrative assistant (who's pretty hot herself) just to keep track of them all. The highest priority in my life is giving back to the community, particularly those who are less fortunate--or more likely much less intelligent--than I am. There's an old saying that 'charity begins at home' but since there's no way that anyone who'd qualify as 'underprivileged' could get past the concierge in my building I've decided to follow the example of the late Mother Theresa by going out amongst the needy and downtrodden to offer them relief. The only problem is that I can't find anyone that qualifies as 'downtrodden' in my very expensive neighborhood so I've decided to help the collection of 'less fortunate' individuals that congregate here at the Epic Carnival. This won't be of interest to those of you who are incarcerated (which I understand is approximately 35% of the EC readership)or those of you who live in your parents' basement (40% of the EC readership). I'm going to try to help the 25% or so out there who either wants to get a job, or wants to move up the career ladder to a point where you're no longer required to wear a hairnet and a name tag. In other words, I'm going to give you foolproof guidance on how to get a job.
I know that some of you may be wondering about my commitment to fight sport journalism. It hasn't wavered in the least but I've come to the realization that coming here and trying to edify the EC readers on the fistic arts is like Michael Jordan going home after the Chicago Bulls have played a tough game only to go out and play shooting guard for the local Special Olympics hoop team. Basically, its a waste of my formidable talents. You people always know where you can get the latest news on boxing and MMA--that would be the mid 1980's Lakers and Celtics of fight sport journalism THE SAVAGE SCIENCE for the best in MMA and mayhem, and our boxing counterpart THE SWEET SCIENCE.
HOW MUCH MORE CAN I GIVE?
In fact, I'll be contributing to this fine website...uh...this website much more often now but I'll be focusing on the topic of career guidance and other areas of personal improvement. This is my real calling now, and every one of you out there that I can help find gainful employment is one less wino that my tax dollars will have to support and that I'll have to shoo off of my lawn. I've risen to the apex of my chosen profession and while you people can never dream of emulating my success you can at least make some progress in your lives. It's like that old saying--"if you're running in a pack of dogs and you're not the lead dog then all you'll see is some other dog's ass and balls dangling in your face". How true that is...
This is such an expansive topic, however, that its tough to figure out where to start. For that reason we may jump around a bit but if you follow my advice to the letter you'll find yourself gainfuly employed in a job that, frankly, is much better than you deserve in no time at all.
THE BASICS OF THE JOB SEARCH PROCESS:
If you go to your local bookstore--that would be that place near the mall where you shoplift porno magazines--you'll find rack after rack of books purporting to offer advice on preparing a resume, getting your foot in the door and acing your interview. It's important to understand that these people don't have your best interests at heart like I do. In fact, they're part of the problem. These books do nothing but spread disinformation--they're essentially "the man" trying to "keep you down".
Here's where they get it all wrong--actually, they spread this wrong information to mess you up. Every one of these books suggests that you write some sniveling cover letter practically begging some bitter middle management type to take pity on you and invite you in for an interview. Assuming you kiss this desk jockey's ass well enough and get called in for an interview, the bad advice continues--these books suggest that you demean yourself by wearing a suit, and being all polite and respectful to the corporate drone conducting your interview. They say that you should act like you all care about the company, what they do, and what "value" you can bring to their business. Some of these lowlifes even suggest that you should write your interviewer a "thank you card" like your some matronly aunt that's been invited over for tea.
So this is where we'll start--the foundation of all success in business and in life is that no one likes a man who acts like a pussy. All you're doing is metaphorically castrating yourself, packing up your balls in a box, FedEx'ing it to some corporate personnel office and sitting by the phone like a lovelorn teenager on prom night hoping that you'll get a call back. But here's your wake up call--not only are you not *getting* a job you don't *deserve* a job because you've packed up more than your testicles in that box--you've packed up your self respect and the respect of others.
That's what "the man" doesn't want you to know--the path to success in life in every field of endeavor is to be a man.
BE A MAN--GET A JOB
The psychological dynamic of getting a job isn't much different than picking up broads--people want what other people are demanding, and what they think they can't have. In light of this, the fallacy of being all "polite" and "eager" to a prospective employer should be evident. Crawling into some corporate loser's tomb like office and sniveling about how you'd welcome the opportunity to work
Instead, what you need to do is to create the impression that you've got way better things to do to worry about some pitiful office job. You need to convey this all throughout the hiring process--the more you make it appear like you've got better and more important things to do the more 'perceived demand' you create and the more desperate employers will be to hire you. In the interview, you shouldn't come off like some sissy boy but like an alpha male, man of action type. Again, you need to emphasize just how busy and in demand you are and that you are inconvenienced, even annoyed, by having to sit and talk to this paper pusher for a minute more than necessary.
The mistake most job seekers make is worrying about trying to convenience prospective employers that they'd be an "asset" to their company and that they'd "welcome the opportunity" to work there. Instead, the successful applicant is the one that gives of the vibe that they have more pressing matters on their plate and that "XYZ Widgets" would be lucky to have you work there.
Unfortunately, the feminization of the American male masterminded by Oprah has succeeded to the point that most men don't know how *not* to be a pathetic wuss. That's where I come in and we'll get down to business in our next installment. We have a lot of hard work ahead but just remember the examples set by Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez: There is no short cut to excellence, and there's nothing more important than your personal integrity.
GET THE BEST IN FIGHT SPORT JOURNALISTIC EXCELLENCE:
And since you people don't have a prayer of getting a job until you finish my career success program you might as well head over and read some excellent boxing and MMA commentary. For MMA, mayhem and more visit THE SAVAGE SCIENCE...
MMA, MAYHEM AND MORE AT THE SAVAGE SCIENCE
and check out our boxing counterparts at THE SWEET SCIENCE
THE BEST BOXING NEWS AND COMMENTARY AT THE SWEET SCIENCE
NIKEiD Custom Shoes. Match your style or your team. Only at NIKEiD.
Welcome to the Prophet's Tapout. If you've read my columns in the past you know that its not enough for me to be a fight sport journalism rock star, to live a life of luxury and privilege and to have so many hot 20 year old chicks at my disposal that I've had to hire an administrative assistant (who's pretty hot herself) just to keep track of them all. The highest priority in my life is giving back to the community, particularly those who are less fortunate--or more likely much less intelligent--than I am. There's an old saying that 'charity begins at home' but since there's no way that anyone who'd qualify as 'underprivileged' could get past the concierge in my building I've decided to follow the example of the late Mother Theresa by going out amongst the needy and downtrodden to offer them relief. The only problem is that I can't find anyone that qualifies as 'downtrodden' in my very expensive neighborhood so I've decided to help the collection of 'less fortunate' individuals that congregate here at the Epic Carnival. This won't be of interest to those of you who are incarcerated (which I understand is approximately 35% of the EC readership)or those of you who live in your parents' basement (40% of the EC readership). I'm going to try to help the 25% or so out there who either wants to get a job, or wants to move up the career ladder to a point where you're no longer required to wear a hairnet and a name tag. In other words, I'm going to give you foolproof guidance on how to get a job.
I know that some of you may be wondering about my commitment to fight sport journalism. It hasn't wavered in the least but I've come to the realization that coming here and trying to edify the EC readers on the fistic arts is like Michael Jordan going home after the Chicago Bulls have played a tough game only to go out and play shooting guard for the local Special Olympics hoop team. Basically, its a waste of my formidable talents. You people always know where you can get the latest news on boxing and MMA--that would be the mid 1980's Lakers and Celtics of fight sport journalism THE SAVAGE SCIENCE for the best in MMA and mayhem, and our boxing counterpart THE SWEET SCIENCE.
HOW MUCH MORE CAN I GIVE?
In fact, I'll be contributing to this fine website...uh...this website much more often now but I'll be focusing on the topic of career guidance and other areas of personal improvement. This is my real calling now, and every one of you out there that I can help find gainful employment is one less wino that my tax dollars will have to support and that I'll have to shoo off of my lawn. I've risen to the apex of my chosen profession and while you people can never dream of emulating my success you can at least make some progress in your lives. It's like that old saying--"if you're running in a pack of dogs and you're not the lead dog then all you'll see is some other dog's ass and balls dangling in your face". How true that is...
This is such an expansive topic, however, that its tough to figure out where to start. For that reason we may jump around a bit but if you follow my advice to the letter you'll find yourself gainfuly employed in a job that, frankly, is much better than you deserve in no time at all.
THE BASICS OF THE JOB SEARCH PROCESS:
If you go to your local bookstore--that would be that place near the mall where you shoplift porno magazines--you'll find rack after rack of books purporting to offer advice on preparing a resume, getting your foot in the door and acing your interview. It's important to understand that these people don't have your best interests at heart like I do. In fact, they're part of the problem. These books do nothing but spread disinformation--they're essentially "the man" trying to "keep you down".
Here's where they get it all wrong--actually, they spread this wrong information to mess you up. Every one of these books suggests that you write some sniveling cover letter practically begging some bitter middle management type to take pity on you and invite you in for an interview. Assuming you kiss this desk jockey's ass well enough and get called in for an interview, the bad advice continues--these books suggest that you demean yourself by wearing a suit, and being all polite and respectful to the corporate drone conducting your interview. They say that you should act like you all care about the company, what they do, and what "value" you can bring to their business. Some of these lowlifes even suggest that you should write your interviewer a "thank you card" like your some matronly aunt that's been invited over for tea.
So this is where we'll start--the foundation of all success in business and in life is that no one likes a man who acts like a pussy. All you're doing is metaphorically castrating yourself, packing up your balls in a box, FedEx'ing it to some corporate personnel office and sitting by the phone like a lovelorn teenager on prom night hoping that you'll get a call back. But here's your wake up call--not only are you not *getting* a job you don't *deserve* a job because you've packed up more than your testicles in that box--you've packed up your self respect and the respect of others.
That's what "the man" doesn't want you to know--the path to success in life in every field of endeavor is to be a man.
BE A MAN--GET A JOB
The psychological dynamic of getting a job isn't much different than picking up broads--people want what other people are demanding, and what they think they can't have. In light of this, the fallacy of being all "polite" and "eager" to a prospective employer should be evident. Crawling into some corporate loser's tomb like office and sniveling about how you'd welcome the opportunity to work
Instead, what you need to do is to create the impression that you've got way better things to do to worry about some pitiful office job. You need to convey this all throughout the hiring process--the more you make it appear like you've got better and more important things to do the more 'perceived demand' you create and the more desperate employers will be to hire you. In the interview, you shouldn't come off like some sissy boy but like an alpha male, man of action type. Again, you need to emphasize just how busy and in demand you are and that you are inconvenienced, even annoyed, by having to sit and talk to this paper pusher for a minute more than necessary.
The mistake most job seekers make is worrying about trying to convenience prospective employers that they'd be an "asset" to their company and that they'd "welcome the opportunity" to work there. Instead, the successful applicant is the one that gives of the vibe that they have more pressing matters on their plate and that "XYZ Widgets" would be lucky to have you work there.
Unfortunately, the feminization of the American male masterminded by Oprah has succeeded to the point that most men don't know how *not* to be a pathetic wuss. That's where I come in and we'll get down to business in our next installment. We have a lot of hard work ahead but just remember the examples set by Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez: There is no short cut to excellence, and there's nothing more important than your personal integrity.
GET THE BEST IN FIGHT SPORT JOURNALISTIC EXCELLENCE:
And since you people don't have a prayer of getting a job until you finish my career success program you might as well head over and read some excellent boxing and MMA commentary. For MMA, mayhem and more visit THE SAVAGE SCIENCE...
MMA, MAYHEM AND MORE AT THE SAVAGE SCIENCE
and check out our boxing counterparts at THE SWEET SCIENCE
THE BEST BOXING NEWS AND COMMENTARY AT THE SWEET SCIENCE
NIKEiD Custom Shoes. Match your style or your team. Only at NIKEiD.
Original Story:
