Create-a-caption: Shaq vs. Seagal

"A former SEAL, now cook, is the only person who can stop Shaquille O'Neal(notes) in the post when he seizes control of the rock and David Robinson's U.S. Navy battleship." Tonight at 8 p.m. on SPIKE! Best caption/imaginary conversation wins a copy of Steven Seagal's album titled "Songs from the Crystal Cave." Good luck, champions. After the jump, Charlie and Ronald.Winner, AllThatJazz:With the combined powers of Alopecia and Vitiligo, the D.R. team is unbeatable!Co-runner-up, Benny:I'd like a Twitter-happy, borderline NBA starter ... hold the eyebrows.Co-runner-up, Roger Mason(notes) Jr. = Hero: Charlie Villanueva(notes) signals for his buddies to "put two into" Ronald McDonald for "believing in Magic" and not the Pistons.