Rock On: Big Al, Big 'Tag, and Jerry-rigged

DO THE MATH Jazz center Al Jefferson had a record-setting start on the season ? and not in a good way. Hoopdata.com claimed on Twitter last week that Jefferson went 0-9 at the rim against the Lakers, the worst inside shooting performance in the five years it has been tracking such things. Of course, it has also been five years since Greg Ostertag retired, so ... A BIG O Speaking of 'Tag, the ex- Jazz center is making a comeback at age 38. Ostertag recently joined the Texas Legends of the NBA's developmental league, which could make for some interesting, well, developments. Exactly how many shots at the rim could the Big O miss? Here's guessing he can still shoot his age. FIGHT CLUB A 26-year-old woman in western New York stands accused of punching a 70-year-old greeter at Walmart. Seems bizarre, but it's basically what would have happened this year if Jerry Sloan and Deron Williams had stayed on the same team, isn't it? HAPPY VALLEY Men's Health magazine rates Salt Lake the 23rd happiest city in America. But it isn't on the list of "Blues-proof towns," comprised of the 10 happiest. Honolulu grades out the happiest city, St. Petersburg the saddest. Rock On sources say after those last-second bowl wins by BYU and Utah, Salt Lake momentarily spiked to sixth on the smiley charts. Then came the realization the Jazz and Ute basketball teams stink. Hello, St. Pete. Can we talk? FOOD CHANNELING An Arizona woman is alive after being trapped for 10 days in her car during a snowstorm. Stories said she ate snow to survive. Actually, she was just in the parking lot of a Buffalo Bills football game, but you know how bad concessions food can be. JERRY-RIGGED The Deseret News ranked its top 10 sports stories for 2011, last week, and first on the list was the Jimmermania craze. When he heard his retirement was only No. 2, Jerry Sloan allegedly groused: "Why are those newspaper guys jackpotting around with their picks?" email: rock@desnews.com Twitter: therockmonster Facebook: Rockmonsterunplugged