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DAMN by Marshawn Lynch Re-Written With 3 Semesters of a College Education

submitted by jzpopp
November 29, 2007  |  86 comments  |   Email to a Friend
For starters, I hate improper grammar. Actually, hate is a strong word. I do not hate improper grammar. It does, however, bother me. And I understand that most of the time it is done subconsciously and we don't really notice. That is fine. It happens. However, I do hate when people use improper grammar intentionally. It demeans them as human beings, making them nothing more than the cats and dogs we have in our homes, because if you cannot communicate properly, and you are a fully functioning human being, than you are nothing more than a house pet. Now, I do not expect this post to be perfect because I know it won't be. I will type too fast and skip a letter or jumble words. I will then go back and fix them so just accept it and enjoy the read.

Without further adieu, I present to you: DAMN: Written by Marshawn Lynch:



"whats good yardbarkers what it do its ya local neighborhood running back outta OAKLAND....in buffalo playin for da bills...if u looked at da headline reading DAMN its cause ive been out 4 da past two weeks and its been hurting me not to b out der wit ma teammates even if we losing....i just cant wait til i can get back out der wit ma bra bras (teammates).....but dis just ma lil intro until i can get back to yall wit a lil mo....stay solid til next time"

Now, for those of us that like to read in English, I present to you:

DAMN:Written by Marshawn Lynch and Re-Written by Zach Popp :



Good afternoon, everybody(everyone, friends, people, etc.). How is it going? I am Marshawn Lynch, the running back for the Buffalo Bills out of Oakland, California. I decided to title this article DAMN because I have been out for the past couple weeks and it is starting to irritate me. I realize right now we are not doing that well but my team needs me and I want to be out there. I cannot wait until I can go back to practice and be with my teammates. This is really all I have for today. I just wanted to introduce myself and give you guys an update. You guys have a good day and I will keep everyone updated on what is going on up here in Buffalo.
Vote this post up or down: 

85 Comments On: "DAMN by Marshawn Lynch Re-Written With 3 Semesters of a College Education"

 
1. joltz25 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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That is too funny. You can probably stay busy all the way through graduation when it comes to correcting the grammar of athletes on www.yardbarker.com.

2. tcbailey24 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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don't be hatin on marshawn, you can't get much better than him. he is the one who brought us BEAST MODE.

3. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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TC, I have no idea if you are being serious or not so I laughed earlier. I will tell you this, though. Joltz and I grew up in Fayetteville, North Carolina and that Duke Blue does not go well with our Awesomeness.

4. joltz25 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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I seriously doubt he was "hatin" on Mr. Lynch. Only his grammar lol. As far as BEAST MODE is concerned, I think Marion Barber is the only one who possesses the BEAST MODE switch. He is the hardest runner in the league, Hence the nickname, Marion The Barbarian. Enough said.

4.1. tcbailey24 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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you can go wrong with marshawns beast mode.

5. tcbailey24 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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you ever see baron davis grammar, its just as bad and you not talkin about him.

5.1. fbkid15 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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very true I know most athletes on here don't use perfect grammer but why is everyone picking on Marshawn? He isn't the only one on this site that does it.

5.2. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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This was my first day with an account and the Lynch article was sent to me. I have been busy today but I will get to Baron in due time.

6. Awesome , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Marshawn set out to write an entertaining post and to be himself; you set out to audition for Chief of the Grammar Police.

You both made plenty of errors, but only one of you tried not to.

Who's the fool now?

6.1. tcbailey24 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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finally someone is right on the matter.

6.2. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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I know I made errors. I also made a note of the fact that I type as fast as I do and then I go back and try to correct as many as I see. However, because I wrote it I don't see them all the time. There is an error right now that I have not gotten to.

7. joltz25 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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You can look at what was said by Marshawn Lynch and Jzpopp in many different perspectives. In my opinion, I think the point that JZP attempted to get across was how well known Berkeley is for their academics and that was not evident by one of the many alumni. It seems as if the bad grammar in the post was intentional and JZP was expressing how it bothers him. Marshawn Lynch was being himself by writing an entertaining post and jzpopp was being himself by saying how much it aggravates him. I do not think anyone was being called a fool. "He who casts stone should not take up residence in a glass house." Like i said above, many viewpoints can be taken under consideration.

7.1. GoBears , December 04, 2007  |  Reply
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We all know that although Marshawn attended UC Berkeley, he was there for football, not academics. We all love him as ardent Bear fans, but lets be real, does anybody expect this guy to use "proper English'? No, he's Marshawn Money and he's from Oakland, he don't care none!

7.1.1. jzpopp , December 04, 2007  |  Reply
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STUDENT-athlete

8. whitejordan32 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Who uses proper grammar anyway? We know what he's saying, so why does it matter?

8.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Jordan, I had to read it twice because of the absurdity.

8.1.1. tcbailey24 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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well then your dumb if you didn't know what it said the first time.

8.1.1.2. jzpopp , November 29, 2007
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And excuse me for my parents raising me to talk and write properly. Excuse me for wanting to sound like I have an education. Excuse me for not turningto rappers for lessons in spech and writing.

8.1.2. whitejordan32 , December 02, 2007  |  Reply
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No one is against you for using "proper" English, do what you do. We're against you because it is his blog, and he can say whatever he feels like saying and he can say it however he feels like saying it. Stop worrying so much about others and the way they do things.

9. FanProphet , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Either way you look at it, it was funny. He's not hatin on Lynch and if he was, do you think Lynch cares? The sh** is funny to me.

9.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Exactly. I am not hating on Lynch. I could care less about Lynch. I just made an observation and wrote so that those of us who actually absorb information in college can read it.

9.1.1. Mr_Rosewater , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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You say that Marshawn is "nothing more than a house pet," that he is "nothing more than the cats and dogs we have in our homes" because he intentionally neglects grammar.

How is that not hating?

9.1.1.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007
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Saying someone is as useful as a house pet is not hating. Bashing someone for no reason is hating. I am targeting Marshawn for a reason. If I just said I don't like Marshawn Lynch and provided no reason then I would be hating.

10. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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The article is now error-free.

10.1. Mr_Rosewater , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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"The article is now error-free."

Not true.

"It demeans them as a human being [because of "them," it should be "human beings" with no article in front of it], making them nothing more than the cats and dogs we have in our homes, because if you cannot communicate properly [there shouldn't be a comma here], and you are a fully functioning [props for not hyphenating a compound modifier that begins with an adverb; can I say "props" or is that too 'hood for you?] human being, than [should be "then"] you are nothing more than a house pet."

Get off your high horse, champ.

10.1.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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I am fine with props. And do you not grasp the concept of unintentional errors? If there is something wrong with what I post it is not intentional. And I when wrote that the article was error free I was referring to spelling. I know there are going to be misakes. I am not an English major.

Posted by me: However, I do hate when people use improper grammar intentionally.

Or are you too ignorant to accept the fact that I wrote that sentence? You are trying too hard to demean me and defend someone who refuses to evolve grammatically. Why? Because he is an athlete? Doe that make him better than me?

And I don't own a horse, anymore.

10.1.1.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007
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Yes I realize the first 2 sentences should be combined.

11. Stingrizay , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Just because he speaks that way on a blog doesnt mean he is uneducated or that he didnt learn anything while at Cal thats ridiculous. Obviously he wrote it that way purposly and knows that its not a mid term exam and that punctuation and spelling dont really matter in something like that. And its Marshawn is just being his self isn't that what the blogs are all about getting to know who the players really are. He is from the bay if your not from that area then you might understand how he is speaking and why he chooses to speak that way but he is being his self and his occupation happens to be Running Back not English teacher lol get a life find something else to do with your time...become a Teachers Aide if you want to correct grammar and spelling.

11.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Okay Sting, since you obviously did not read it correctly allow me to intervene:

1.) I know he wrote it like that intentionally. That is whyt he article appalls me. Did you skip the following sentence: "However, I do hate when people use improper grammar intentionally." I wrote that earlier today. It is actually in this article.

2.) I am not from the bay. I am from North Carolina. I have heard enough kids that I went to high school with talk as though they were southern rappers. I know that because I have listened to southern rap and heard interviews. I have been exposed to the dialect.

3.) I go to The University of Arizona. I know alot of students from the bay area. About half of them talk like Mashawn spells. I have known them for 3 semesters now. I am used to hearing them talk. Once again, I am used to the dialect.

4.) His occupation is a Running Back not an English Teacher, right? Yes it is. But it is more than that. He will be making public appearances, talking to children, attending camps. Maybe it is just me but I would like for my child's role model to talk like they have an education. I never said he didn't learn anything or that he was uneducated. I know he is educated. However, Berkeley is supposed to be a good school. He was there for 3 years. He should talk and type like he has some form of higher learning.

With that said, I have a life. I am a college sophomore. I go out with my friends, work, got o class. The typical college lifestyle. So the get a life area is taken care of.

I do plan on becoming a History teacher, of course byt hen the English vocabulary will be completely destroyed so I guess I won't be able to educated most of America. But hey, as long as you are okay with your child talking like they have no education because that is how Marshawn sounds, because now that he is a famous football player, he is a role model and there is no way around it, it's fine by me.

12. connor , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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You have to do Baron David next. His grammar is horrendous.

12.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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I will, man. I have had a long day of college life. Because unlike Marshawn, I am here to learn and then show the world that I did in fact learn.

12.1.1. Ploppity , December 01, 2007  |  Reply
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Marshawn learned how to play football, and play it well. He has demonstrated this to the world on many occasions. And on top of that, he's humble. You, on the other hand, are going out of your way to "show the world" your ability to write. And to be honest with you, I prefer Marshawn's version. Yours is hard to read. And it doesn't sound like Marshawn Lynch. To hear Marshawn speak the words you wrote would be just as comical as that skit on Chappelle's Show where Lil' Jon calls Lil' Jon.
You are acting like a fool, and the more of your responses I read, the more disgusted I become with you. I hope you realize the error in your ways soon, especially because you are considering a career as an educator and attorney, roles in which arrogance and prejudice are critical character flaws.

12.1.1.1. jzpopp , December 01, 2007
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This re-write was a joke with emphasis. Kind of like any episode of South Park. I never meant this to be srious, albeit I do not like the way Marshawn wrote. That was not the point. That is why I re-wrote it the way I did. It would sound terrible coming from Marshawn, but why is that? I would have just prefered he used punctuation and proper spelling. I think when someone goes to one of the best schools in the nation for 3 years it should be evident. To top it off, I do not have arrogance or prejudice. I am, however, a realist with a sense of humor, obviously our senses differ.

12.2. UCBWestOakland , January 10, 2008  |  Reply
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The ignorance within the majority or the previous comments is does not surprise me at all. Sadly, that is EXACTLY what being an athlete at UC Berkeley feels like. We are praised for our performance, and loved for "keeping it real" (whatever that means) and then a situation ocurs that reminds us of what the public's opinion of us really is. It is more than obvious that not one person above has had the pleasure to know, to speak with, or to be in th presence of Marshawn. Not only is he very articulate and outspoken in and out of class, but he regards his academic future in very high expecations. He is a business-man, a FAMILY man, and what you all fail to realize is that he is a LEARNER. A product of Oakland California who has a UC Berkeley education (and not JOCK COURSES) and the luxury of being PC or sitting back and saying...

what it do? Iz ya boi from da town $-Lynch. Fam 1st and good lookin to all da fanz. Keep it lit/ fa all U haterz i should make work outta ya wife. On da turf!

hahahaha We laughin at ya'll Bitch ass!

Salutations.

P.S. Wut skoo will u get yo degree from?
Just curious.

13. Taylorized , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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I think ready the original blog entry would perhaps go better with some rap instrumental in the background. Then try rapping the entry, much better. Also, I just watched the Marshawn Lynch video on youtube and he seems pretty laid back and was hilarious. I would guess he wouldn't give a shit about people busting his balls. So some of you drama tards relax. I'm sure you've never laughed at a comedian when they are ripping someone a new a-hole or poking fun of a celebrity.


13.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Maybe then it would work. But then again rap is not music.

13.1.1. Mr_Rosewater , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Wrong.

13.1.1.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007
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It is obviously my opinion. But feel free to tell me an opinion is wrong, especially whent hat opinion is about music.

13.1.1.2. tcbailey24 , November 29, 2007
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rap is music

14. Taylorized , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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15. japan_jeff , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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man, you're really full of yourself aren't you? i wonder, did you fail at sports so you have a hard on for them because they make more in a year than you will in a lifetime proof reading manuscripts? get a life dude!

15.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Well, Jeff, I don't think I was a total failure at sports in High School. You see Joltz25 and I went to middle and high school together and we both made the All-Conference team in football. I have my plaques and State Title Appearances as a starter. I have my All-State Honorable Mention(2nd team. Brian was so cool to get 1st team , you bastard) and my All-Conference Status.

Isn't it amazing how SOMEONE always says that anyone who writes anything against athletes had to be bad at sports? I was rather good. I improved every year I played. After high school, I moved on to college. I am too small to play college athletics. And I have no vendetta aginst athletes because of their money. I don't want to make the kind of money Marshawn will make. I plan to be a prosecutor and history teacher. And why is it that when someone says anything negative about an athlete they are told to get a life? You try to make it sound like I spent hours on this article. I spent about an hour, that is including corrections. You must remember I am in college. This means I was done with my classes, saw this in CNNSI, and I commented on it. I expect you to say something about me being on at 4:30 in the morning talking about this. Well, you see I have to do alot of studying because I am in college for an education. If I feel like letting of some steam by writing a harmless article after myc lasses, I will. If you are too much of a prick to accept that, I don't care but do not berate me because I find certain things should be addressed.

15.2. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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What a shocker, Jeff, you are a Bills fan.

16. daSHARK79 , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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he should check out some of the other athletes blogs and maybe get a little conscious about his blogs. i say this not with hate or malice, but only in a jolly good laff at it. lol. at least, i had a good laff at it for good humors only. not for hating.

16.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Exactly. He knows people are going to read what he says. I know that if people were going to read what I wrote, I would do my best to make it is correct as possible. Or at least write to a point where my intellect would not be questioned. And you get some props, SHARK, for the Adrian Peterson love.

17. robbucklives , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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MAJOR kudos to you, sir, for calling out Lynch's horrific post.

(i pologize f i uz bd grmmr in this post)

Lynch not only went to college...he went to Cal-Berkeley!

So....either Cal-Berekely is a sham for letting him in......or Mr. Lynch is guilty of dumbing down his post to "keep it real" with the boys in Oakland (O-town, for the abbreviators).

I submit that "keeping it real" is the type of behavior that has landed some of our most promising sports stars in the boneyard.

I applaud you for having the courage to swim against the tide of the legions of "jock-sniffers" who applaud like trained seals everytime one of the "Confirmed Athletes" lays down a riff....no matter the quality of the content.

"Word"

17.1. UCBWestOakland , January 10, 2008  |  Reply
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The ignorance within the majority or the previous comments is does not surprise me at all. Sadly, that is EXACTLY what being an athlete at UC Berkeley feels like. We are praised for our performance, and loved for "keeping it real" (whatever that means) and then a situation ocurs that reminds us of what the public's opinion of us really is. It is more than obvious that not one person above has had the pleasure to know, to speak with, or to be in th presence of Marshawn. Not only is he very articulate and outspoken in and out of class, but he regards his academic future in very high expecations. He is a business-man, a FAMILY man, and what you all fail to realize is that he is a LEARNER. A product of Oakland California who has a UC Berkeley education (and not JOCK COURSES) and the luxury of being PC or sitting back and saying...

what it do? Iz ya boi from da town $-Lynch. Fam 1st and good lookin to all da fanz. Keep it lit/ fa all U haterz i should make work outta ya wife. On da turf!

hahahaha We laughin at ya'll Bitch ass!

Salutations.

P.S. Wut skoo will u get yo degree from?
Just curious.

18. Shawna , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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I am certainly in favor of a person's right to express their opinion, but I am always bothered by comments similar to the one initiating this discussion. I don't appreciate Marshawn Lynch's use of "country grammar", but I don't see the point in bashing him for it either. I understand that as the so-called, "college-educated" public, we want our public figures to present themselves in a manner conducive with our own personal beliefs, perhaps even what we have been taught is appropriate. What of Marshawn Lynch's personal beliefs, (operative word being "personal")? What if Marshawn Lynch finds more comfort in "keeping it real", than appealing to the "legions" of "jock-bashers" that relish in opportunities to degrade athletes. Marshawn Lynch is a football player. That is his profession. He is not being paid to be your child's role model. If Marshawn Lynch is your child's role model then that's your fault. If he were an English instructor, I wouldn't feel the need to respond, but I feel we put too much pressure on public figures to fit into our own perception of what is appropriate. Everything isn't about us!!! In his responses, jzpopp, repeatedly, felt the need to inform us that he is college-educated and knows how to write using correct grammar. Great. I hope you have a great future with that. I think it's best to let Marshawn be Marshawn, whatever that means to HIM, not US.

18.1. suewalcheck , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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pardon me, madam.

he is being paid to be a role model. any mule can carry a football. we pay our athletes so much because we ask so much of them. do you really think it's because he can average 4.2 yards per carry?

please.

if he doesn't want to be a role model, he can return the very large signing bonus and lead a less public life.

finally...part of what jzpopp was doing is called humor. if marshawn's post was to one extreme.....jzpopp's was to the other extreme. the contradiction of extremes presents an opportunity for satire. for humor.

btw, i just saw marshawn's video with kenny mayne, and it was hilarious. i gve a lot of credit to a guy who can make fun of himself....and maybe that's what he was doing when he wrote the original post.

"shout out to all the brothas in o-town"

18.1.1. jzpopp , November 29, 2007  |  Reply
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Humor! Wow. It took 16 hours for someone to notice this.