We all know that the lion's share of sports movies follow a standard template, varying minimally from flick to flick besides maybe a different sport and some different actors. While we are cool with this if-it-ain't-broke formula for the most part, there is one element that always gets under my skin. It never fails that one of the characters always makes a very ill-advised decision in terms of siding with the hottest buns.

Exhibit A: Varsity Blues

While Amy Smart is generally no slouch, she simply doesn't bring her "A" game to the dance. This is not the ridiculously hot Amy Smart we saw in the videocamera scene at the University of Ithaca in "Road Trip." This Amy Smart is more the pants suit, political science, young republican type of chick. Mox makes an egregious error in forgoing a night with the magical Ali Larter and her whip cream bikini. Come on Mox; it's legacy. That is not the kind of leadership we have come to expect from the starting QB at West Canaan.

Exhibit B: Teen Wolf

Scott's choice to remain with Boof over his dream girl Pam at the end of Teen Wolf is another travesty. Boof doesn't hold a candle to Pam and Pam even flashed her bra. That's risque stuff for a high schooler. He should have at least taken Pam for a ride on the "Wolfmobile" before retreating to the utterly mediocre Boof. Look, more power to Scott for going "beautiful on the inside," but let's be serious; this is like drafting T.J. Ducket over Adrian Peterson... dumb.

Exhibit C: Better Off Dead

For Lane, I can kind of understand his sentiment about not going back to Beth after she ripped his heart out and left him for magna jerk, Roy Stalin. Plus, it's tough to tell if Monique has it goin' on underneath that snowmobile suit, but still Beth is head and shoulders above as a trophy bone for skiing the K-12. Plus, taking Beth home in the Camaro would really up Meyer's street cred with Jin and Nguyen Cossell.

Exhibit D: Bull Durham

Annie faced a tough decision in deciding between Crash Davis (Costner) and Ebby Calbin "Nuke" LaNoosh (Robbins). For starters, which name do you go with there? Those are both so strong. The real question is does she go with the aging handsomeness of Kevin Costner or the hard-partying loose cannon with the potential to make the bigs? Ultimately, Annie settled down with Old Balls Johnson, while Nuke headed to the bigs. Dumb. She could have latched on to a sugar daddy in the big leagues, allowing her to infiltrate her promiscuity into a big league club. Then again, the thought of spooning with Kevin Costner every night is mighty tempting. I bet he has strong arms.

Exhibit E: Major League

Highlighted by one of the more laughable scenes, the decision between the rich douchebag exec and Jake Taylor are in a downtown loft in Cleveland. The guy is a big shot business executive in friggin' Cleveland and he tries to scoff at Jake Taylor, who is simply a baseball player. I mean the minimum contract for a baseball player even back then had to be in the low six figures. Are we to honestly believe that Mr. Business Executive of the Year in Cleveland can bring in more cash or hold more prestige than a former All-Star catcher in a blue collar town like Cleveland? Come on. Fortunately, she comes around eventually and goes back to old Jakey.

Exhibit F: Revenge of the Nerds

OK, probably not a sports movie, but it was a sporting event that swung the affection of famed cheerleader, Ms. Betty Childs. After the underdog-takes-all story at the Greek Olympics and the Tri-Lams eventual defeat of the Alpha Betas, Ms. Childs picked Lewis over QB Stan Gable on the moon when we learned that nerds have big wangs. In reality, she was probably tripping on acid, but still it's a great tale that would never happen in real life. However, it was a moment for all us nerds to celebrate a small victory, real or not. Why they made 4 sequels eventually showing the couple married, is beyond our comprehension, but still?

Exhibit G: Johnny Be Good

Johnny made hands down the worst choice of anyone. He could have gone to any University in the country and plowed more hot (preferably southern) sorority girls than Matt Leinart. Instead, he opted to stay back home and attend the local city college to be with his woman - an entirely average young Uma Thurman. Besides that one anomaly bust out in "Beautiful Girls," Uma Thurman really doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's because I still resent her for preventing the world from experiencing Johnny Be Good on the football field. He was probably a little too small to land a starting QB job at a big time program, but he would have been one hell of a punter.

Exhibit H: Jerry Maguire

Um hello, Earth to Jerry. Jerry, snap out of it. Here, maybe if I put a moth ball under your nose. That chick has a KID. You just traded in a ridiculously hot model for a secretary, her annoying sister, and a KID. Do you read me? She has a KID.

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