Originally posted on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 9/4/12

The NFL season may kick off on Wednesday, but we’re still five days away from the first Red Zone Channel experience of the season, hosted by the great Scott Hanson.

Let me be clear about this – Scott Hanson is the MVP of the NFL. He’s more valuable then Tom Brady or Peyton Manning any day of the weak. He’s a God walking amongst mortals, and he wears a pair of glasses just so that we think he’s a little bit like us. It’s a lot like Clark Kent’s disguise.

I’ve done more research on Scott Hanson than is safe or reasonable, and I’ve learned some wonderful information about the man who brings me seven straight hours of commercial-less football for 17 straight Sundays. First of all, he’s cousins with Chris Hanson, who you know best from “To Catch A Predator.” I’m not sure how they ended up on such different television career paths (one traps pedophiles and then has them arrested in front a viewing audience, the other narrates live football), but they potentially share one Thanksgiving table.

Second of all, he’s a huge Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan, and you can clearly here the pain in his voice every time he has to announce a bad play in the Bucs game while on Red Zone. It’s both sad and hilarious to hear our main man Scott in such distress.

Third of all, if you tweet at Scott Hanson, he will get back to you at some point. It may take weeks, or months, but he gets to everybody. I once told him that he was the best thing since “Wings,” and he wrote back 90 days later, “Wings, huh?”

Scott Hanson is, for lack of a better term, the ******* balls.

Check out his ad lib in this video. Red Zone’s whole shtick is that it shows every touchdown and that it never goes to commercial. It accidentally slips into a commercial, and Scotty – quick as a ballerina on cocaine – comes in with a great line. Like he always does.

Speaking of cocaine, is Scott Hanson on cocaine? He’s on television for seven consecutive hours with no breaks. He is always there, he’s always upbeat, he’s always smiling and he sometimes has problems with the sniffles. Just a theory, but I think it’s spot on.

Have I creeped anyone out with my man-love for Scott Hanson yet? Get ready for 17 more weeks of this, baby.

We’ll be in touch, Scott.

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