Get to know an ACB Legend, Part 1: Ryno, aka Jame Gumb

In a dimly lit room the interviewer nervously adjusts his tie and glances at his reflection in the mirror. He takes a deep breath and sits in his chair alternating between adjusting his legs and glancing at his watch. His subject is late, and he worries that perhaps this man won’t show. Minutes pass and the tension builds. The interviewer fumbles with a pack of cigarettes and finally is able to light one up, at that moment the man he is going to interview arrives and confidently strides up to his chair. “Let’s do this” he says and the game is on…. Dylan- Mr. Ryno-Gumb- Let’s start with a series of short simple questions Ryno- Proceed. Dylan- Who is Ryno? Ryno- Ryno is who you wish you could be. Dylan- What is Ryno? Ryno- Ryno is the embodiment of the id with a dash of ego. Ryno is an idea to be proven wrong. Dylan- Where is Ryno Ryno- Ryno is everywhere. Ryno is in all of you, begging be unleashed. Dylan- When is Ryno? Ryno- Ryno is now. Dylan- Thank you. Now, I have been reading your comments and thoughts for over 3 years now and I have always wanted to ask you this; What is your problem? I mean the anti-social behavior, the latent racial anger, the love for the 49ers, are these the signs of a homicidal maniac or a turn of the millennia Nikola Tesla? Ryno- I’ve given up. I’m sick of pretending in order to assimilate. anti-social: People are idiots. Most of them don’t deserve the opportunity to pursue happiness. latent racial anger: I don’t hate any race more than the other. I’m not racist, but racist terms give me a hateful means to qualify people. I don’t hate you more because you’re black, I just have a way to hate you because you’re black. love for the 49ers: Evidently I like bad teams. I wouldn’t say I’m homicidal, but I’m definitely not Tesla’s bulb. Dylan- Which phrase is better- “The best is yet to come” or “Savor every moment”? Ryno- The best is yet to come. It’s a much safer phrase. Dylan- It has long been alleged by some that you are in fact in secret communication with “TheHawk” as he has alternately praised and vilified you over at BNC. What can you tell us of your interactions with the man and what are your feelings about the importance of taped fingers? Ryno- Taped fingers are paramount. The only time I’ve communicated in private with TheHawk was to send him the questions for his interview not long ago. The fact is that he doesn’t and shouldn’t have a reason to dislike me. I have poked fun at him, but it’s just that. Fun. I read every word. Dylan- My readers want to know which food item you prefer- Coleslaw or Potato Salad? Ryno- Potato salad. ‘nuff said. Dylan- Hypothetical Situation- The Cubs are having a fire sale but due to fears of alienating fans will only trade off 3 veterans. Who do you pick and why and what prospects do you think the Cubs could reasonably get in return? Ryno- I’d trade Ted Lilly, Carlos Marmol and Derrek Lee as of right now, though that will change depending on performance during the season. I won’t speculate who they would return because I’ll have to see how they perform and who needs them. Dylan- If blogs were people who would win in a fight, NSBB or Ivy Chat? Ryno- NSBS because of volume. Dylan- If people were blogs who would you rather read- Truffle Shuffle or Koyie Hill? Ryno- Koyie Hill. Dylan- What is the most common mistake you feel that people make when using saber metrics to analyze baseball? Ryno- The use of ZORPS 2.2. Dylan- If you and Al Yellon had dinner together what would you order and why? Ryno- A to-go bag and brass knuckles. That’s all I have to say. Dylan- If you could ask God one question what would it be? Ryno- Why do you hate me? Dylan- As a fellow 49ers fan I couldn’t live with myself without asking you this, has there ever been a human being on the face of the planet more badass than Ronnie Lott? Ryno- I used to think it wasn’t possible. Then God took Ronnie’s amputated pinkie and made it into Patrick Willis. Dylan- Finally, I want to ask you just how much do you regret picking the Cubs to be the team you follow and if you could do it all over again would you? Ryno- I don’t regret it as much as I used to since I don’t care that much anymore, but I definitely would have picked another team. Dylan- Mr. Gumb I want to thank you for your time and for your sincere answers, perhaps we could (x) 8=D~ ? Ryno- No, thanks. Perhaps I could put on a quasi-papal outfit, though.