Originally posted on Sportress of Blogitude  |  Last updated 2/6/13
Undated, unsubstantiated, essentially meaningless. Those are some ways to characterize the supposedly salacious “ENQUIRER WORLD EXCLUSIVE PICTURES” that depict “SUPER BOWL HUNK’S WILD WILD PARTY.” The all-caps headline of the National Enquirer story on its website that serves as a teaser for its new print edition of the gossip rag means it is pretty crazy stuff, you see. The “SUPER BOWL HUNK” alluded to in the provocative headline is San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick and his “WILD WILD PARTY” evidently revolves around a time when a grown man engaged in some horseplay while aboard a Carnival Cruise ship in Mexico. Again, the National Enquirer doesn’t mention when the teaser photo was taken, but they got the gossipy goods on this apparently hedonistic pleasure cruise. Oh, the humanity. Oops, pardon me, let me do it Enquirer-style: OH THE HUMANITY!!!!! An excerpt from the comically absurd teaser online article: The uber-racy snapshots show a shirtless Kaepernick receiving “body shots” of tequila, grinning wildly as bikini-clad bombshells lick the salty goodness off his Adonis-like physique. “They approached Colin as soon as they saw him,” an eyewitness told The ENQUIRER. “He im­mediately flashed his abs at the half-naked girls, and he totally went for it when they asked if they could do body shots off him.” Naturally, things got out of hand as nature AND Tequila took its course. Wowee-kazowee! If I knew one thing about Carnival Cruises — and I don’t, actually — is when you pair the intoxicating combination of nature AND Tequila? Hoo boy, stuff is going to get real fast. And uber-racy snapshots are sure to be taken. And “salty goodness”? Seriously? Man, even I could churn out this kind of drivel. And how about how it is alleged that Kaepernick “immediately flashed his abs”? I imagine shortly after “flashing his abs” but before they licked the salty goodness off him” Kaepernick flexed his muscles, strutted up to the “half-naked girls” and asked them, “Do you know where the weight room is?” Because I like to believe that everything that happens in life can be magically traced back to some tired pop culture reference. Tommy Boy in this case. But let us for a moment assume that these are more recent photos. Would that make any difference in the grand scheme of things? It’s not like I’m going to stop Kaepernicking, for goodness sake. Nor am I not going to eat my Colin Kaepernick Bicep Cake or plaster Fake Colin Kaepernick Tattoos all over my arms, nor will I stop listening to an adorable little girl rap about her heroc. [National Enquirer, via The Big Lead] TweetThe post National Enquirer has pics of chicks doing body shots off Colin Kaepernick (photo) appeared first on Sportress of Blogitude.
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Yankees close to trading Aroldis Chapman

WATCH: Dontrelle Willis' great reaction to Giancarlo Stanton home run

Reports: Sale cut up throwback uniforms with knife in protest

WNBA withdraws fines for teams that protested gun violence

Ezekiel Elliott: ‘Evil NEVER prevails’

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Orioles, Padres reportedly talking trades of Melvin Upton, Cashner

Le’Veon Bell reportedly missed ‘several’ drug tests

Report: Islanders looking at locations to build new arena

Top five takeaways from this year's NBA Summer League

NCAA rules that hanging out with Drake is violation

WATCH: Justin Bieber arm wrestle Sixers center Joel Embiid

Report: Royals didn't invite Johnny Cueto to White House visit

Solo not taking any chances with Zika virus while in Rio

Rays reportedly demanding Profar in pitching deal with Rangers

Facebook doesn’t know the difference between Liverpool and Arsenal

Report: Teams asked about Wade Davis, asking price very high

Aussie Rules Football player accidentally kicks, breaks own leg

Former Arkansas football assistant trolls Bobby Petrino on social media

Could Clayton Kershaw's injury hinder trade talks?

Spurs strike a new deal with NBA stalwart Manu Ginobli

George makes return to Team USA following leg injury

Why the Clippers shouldn't break up their big three

White Sox pay homage to Bo Jackson’s bat-breaking skills with bobblehead

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Effect of ban on Russia could span beyond the Olympic Games

One Gotta Go: NBA players hate Facebook too

QUIZ: Name every city to host the NBA All-Star Game

One Gotta Go: NBA players settle the fast food beef

One Gotta Go: NBA players make tough choices on their favorite rappers

One Gotta Go: NBA Summer League is not about that Game of Thrones life

The top NHL free agents available as offseason winds down

WATCH: NBA jersey sponsors that need to happen

Expansion draft playing heavy hand in the current NHL offseason

WATCH: Pop & Timmy have a guys' night out

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker