Nation's Prayers Go Out To Tony Romo As He Starts Long Rehab Tonight With Jessica Simpson

Tony Romo suffered a horrific injury on the first play of overtime against the Arizona Cardinals as he broke his right pinkie finger. The hurt finger could sideline Romo for up to 4 weeks as he seeks to recover not just from the pain, but also the emasculation. "There is nothing worse for the confidence of a man than a pinkie injury," said Dr. Gary Desik, the physician who treated Romo. "There is no more girlie part on a man than a pinkie, and when you break that little frail finger, it is incredibly embarrassing. The actual pain of the broken finger is only half the problem of a pinkie injury. He is also probably being called things like pansy, wimp, and cockguzzler right now on message boards and sports talk radio. He is probably being called a woman right now as he is out ordering his diet venti caramel coconut macchiato with extra whipped cream at Starbucks. And that just isn't fair." "The finger is going to heal on its own," continued Dr. Desik. "But the psychological damage is going to be what we have to work hard to rehab so he can get back on that field. I heard one television pundit say that while he is at the doctor's getting his pinkie examined, he should also have his vagina checked out, because he is a giant pussy. That just hurts. So I've involved his girlfriend Jessica Simpson in the rehab and treatment of the injury. She is going to administer 20 tablespoons of rough supermodel sex twice a day. The kind of sex you and I can only dream about while we watch Dukes Of Hazard in slow motion with the sound off." "I have also given Tony a prescription for an affair, but only with an extremely kinky super attractive prostitute. With this type of injury on the male psyche you are going to need to hit it with some of the wildest sex the imagination can dream up. The stuff that can only be found on the deepest of internet porn sites. This kind of stuff, we regular people would never be able to afford, but it should be nothing for someone like Tony. If he happens to get arrested or caught by Jessica Simpson, he only has to show that he has a prescription for the wild sex." The nation's thoughts and prayers are with Tony Romo as he begins this difficult and trying rehabilitation. Rumor has it that presidential hopefuls Obama and McCain will even wear tiny Jessica Simpson's breasts pins during the next debate as a sign of support for this brave American hero.