Oakland Raiders Eliminated from Playoffs on First Day of NFL Training Camp

As players from around the league filter in to their respective training camps, the Oakland Raiders have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention in 2008. Early hopes by both players and fans would be that the San Diego Chargers, Denver Broncos, and Kansas City Chiefs would elect to sit out the season. Unfortunately, as enough players on each team have checked in to make a starting lineup, the chances that Oakland would make the playoffs have faded to nothing. Reports are that both Vegas and Atlantic City oddsmakers have made an unprecedented prediction regarding the likelihood that the Raiders would have any semblance of success this season. For the first time in history, the line for Raiders to make the playoffs is "the infinite symbol" to one. A bet of $1 will result in unlimited money forever. So far, there have been no takers. This is partially due to a lack of faith in Oakland's coaching staff and players, and partially due to true Oakland fans having gone into debt spending their last dollar on Pabst Blue Ribbon and cheap pieces of red meat to tailgate with. Not to mention the black and silver face paint by which they hide the pain that is the rest of their lives. Oddsmakers are also predicting a 2-14 regular season, with wins coming over the Atlanta Falcons and Miami Dolphins, by, more likely than not, a score of 3-0 or 6-3. Only the most die-hard and frightening of Raiders fans still hold out hope that the glory days of the John Madden era will be revisited. However, much like Madden, this season is more likely to become a string of completely incomprehensible stupidity that may only be rivaled by the idea that Brett Favre will actually end up with the Minnesota Vikings. Many analysts believe that only one thing could make this season any bleaker for the black and silver: Daunte Culpepper.