PR Agent Says Peyton's Missing Bursa Sac Not Problem, He Has More

Peyton Manning was ruled out of the second preseason game for the Indianapolis Colts, as he continues to recover from the infected bursa sac he had removed from his knee a couple of weeks ago. Manning's PR agent Johnny Philips held a press conference to assure fans of the quarterback, especially the ladies, that he would be back and just as good as before. "I know a lot of you are worried about Peyton," said Philips. "And it is a commonly known fact that what makes a quarterback great is his giant sack. Brady, Elway, Marino, Favre, we are talking about some of the biggest sacks in history here. But, I assure you that the removal of this sack will in no way affect Peyton's play on the field. You see, Peyton is such a great quarterback because he has multiple sacks hidden throughout his body. That's where he gets his special ability, his intangibles out on the field. He has his normal male sack, a sack on his right shoulder, two more sacks inside his lower abdomen, the sack in his knee, and if he ever took off his shoes you would see that he has not a foot, but a giant sack down there too. This is a man who still, despite the loss, still sweats manliness from his pores. He could get a woman pregnant from touching her after a brisk jog. So, I think we're going to be fine. He will be back soon."