Originally posted on Football Nation  |  Last updated 2/3/13
Happy Super Sunday football maniacs! The two weeks after "Championship Sunday" are the absolute worst. I think because of the magnitude of this particular matchup, the ancillary stories are particularly insufferable.Is it cool that the Harbaugh brothers are squaring off in the biggest game of their lives?Certainly, but I don't need family press conferences and 50 stories about how competitive they were growing up. They're elite football coaches, of course they're competitive!  Plus we have Deergate and the issue of performance enhancing drugs in the NFL. Only the players, team doctors and trainers know what kind of substances these guys are pumped full of week-in-and-week-out.    Quick tangent: if it wasn't for PEDs, legal or otherwise, the average NFL roster would be replete with practice squad guys filling the spots of injured stars.  Today, we can finally enjoy the culmination of another exciting football season......however, we're also going into football purgatory until March (free agency) then we have to wait until April for the Draft for our next taste. Then we wait until August for meaningless football, with spatterings of OTA, minicamp, and training camp news throughout the summer.The Arena Football League tried to capitalize on this void several years ago but there is no substitute for real football. It's going to be a sad several months. Before Post Super Bowl Stressed Disorder kicks in, let's break down the big game, in my own signature style.  It's time to kick the tires and light the fires! PRE-GAME TUNESIf you're like me, you're busy avoiding the 12 hours of bland, repetitive pre-game coverage. At this point, unless someone is injured or comes down with Legionnaires' Disease, there is nothing new to report. Also, I can't stomach the talking heads for more than a few minutes at a time. Shannon Sharpe barely speaks in coherent sentences, though it is better than having to tolerate hours of Terry Bradshaw trying to overcome his various speech impediments.  Song: Once in a Lifetime by Talking HeadsRelevant Lyrics:"Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was..." WINNERSSAN FRANCISCO 49ERSThe 49ers have been winning in every conceivable way this season and postseason; come from behind victory against the Falcons; blow out win against the Packers; survival wins against the Patriots and Rams late in the season. They are ready for anything right now and they will have to be because the Ravens are high on emotion and what can only be described as "fate".  If anyone can derail the momentum the Ravens are riding, it's the 49ers.PATRICK WILLISHe is already well-known by NFL fans but there are few middle linebackers that get superstar type of media coverage, unless of course you're sprouting antlers but we'll get to that later. I think the trendy pick for MVP is either of the quarterbacks or even Ray "Bambi" Lewis, but I'm thinking Willis is going to have a monster game with at least one big play that completely changes the tide of the game.CBSEven though some experts are predicting this Super Bowl will reverse the trend of ever-increasing viewership numbers, CBS will still make a mint off this one game. I often wonder about the accuracy of the viewership stats. For example, how they account for bars packed to the gills and house parties with multiple people? My guess is those numbers are actually higher than what is reported which leads to a more important question: WHAT THE HELL IS THE REST OF THE COUNTRY DOING? TV networks purposefully air repeats or crappy movies because airing anything new is ratings suicide. Someone needs to investigate.CITY OF SAN FRANCISCOSuper Bowl winner and the World Series champs in the same city? Kiss the rings, America.Song: I Only Want You by Eagles of Death MetalRelevant Lyrics:"But now I have to lay destruction on you I'm not the lover man that you want me to be I said well... I only want you" THE AMERICAN PUBLICThe Ray Lewis goodbye tour ends! Finally, no more vague answers about God or the Devil when anyone asks him legitimate questions about the fact that he was involved in a double homicide or if he took illegal drugs to help him heal from his injuries. The sanctimonious and insincere religious posturing needs to end and thank goodness it finally will.Ray-Ray gets his own song: Fire! by Arthur BrownRelevant Lyrics: "Fireto destroy all you've done.Fireto end all you've become.I'll feel your burn!"LOSERSJOE FLACCONot saying that the Ravens will decide to let Flacco go but the stigma that has been building up around him, the one about him not being a top tier quarterback, will only gain more steam and haunt him for years as the football pundits make arbitrary lists debating who is "elite" and who is not.RAVENSObviously, losing the Super Bowl sucks, but to come this far, seemingly on the wings of fate, would multiply the devastation. The Ravens went through the wringer all season and looked dead in the water before pulling off a series of upsets of enormous magnitude.  JOHN HARBAUGHNo one wants to be beaten by their little brother. No one wants to lose to their little brother in front of 100 million people.  Song: Random Firl by Late of the PierRelevant Lyrics:"Lately, I've been thinking this whole world seems to harmNow we're better off to underhand thingsBut maybe, it was only the sun behind the cloudsMaking things seem nasty" CHRIS CULLIVERIf the 49ers win, there is no way that Chris Culliver is invited to the parade through downtown San Francisco. No way. Culliver's not on that "sweet stuff" and the NFL has recommended Culliver should get in touch with his sweet side. Lesson here: stick to the publicist approved lines during media week.Culliver gets his own song too: Finding Out True Love is Blind by Louis XIVRelevant Lyrics:"Wind you up and make you crawl to meTie you up until you call to me...I'm finding out true love is blind"  I'm on record backing the 49ers now...what does Lester think?  I have to end this particular article by thanking all of you who have stumbled upon my articles and have given me positive feedback. I love writing, especially about the NFL, and it's fun to share my thoughts and ideas with a supportive and equally football rabid community.Here's a song for all of you!Song: The League of Extraordinary Nobodies by El-PRelevant Lyrics:"I just counted in my head how many people in this room I'm talking to that I would never give the timeHere we are, all being vain and looking at ourselves in mirrors very closely nodding straight up in a line"
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