Tom Brady Visits Dr. James Seuss To Get Second Opinion On Injured "Kneefus"

The team doctor of the New England Patriots had originally diagnosed Tom Brady with a torn ACL and MCL after his week one injury. It was thought his season might be done forever, but word out of Foxboro is that Brady might be able to return to the field as early as next month. Brady flew out yesterday to Alabama to meet with Dr. James Seuss, one of the foremost authorities on joint injuries. "Well Mr. Brady, the news is not good," Dr. Seuss told him after taking some x-rays. "There's something in your joint, and be worried you should. Most doctors think this is a knee, but that's quite untrue to be, the rest of them all have the brains of a flea. It's actually a kneefus, and injuries to it are as rare as the baseball pitch eephus." "Uh, so it can be fixed then?" said a skeptical Brady. "They probably said no, but I say of course! My surgical skills are an unstoppable force! When it's a broken kneefus you've got, there's only one cure! It starts with the extract of a young Snaggleburr! From there we put in the liver of healthy Fhiqiment. It's to replace the torn parts of your broken down ligament!" Brady agreed to the procedure, and it is scheduled to take place next week. It is the first known kneefus operation ever attempted on an NFL player, but Brady hopes it will enable him to get on the field quickly. "I am very confident in the recovery time," said Brady. "Dr. Seuss told me I would be back in a jiffy, and in the mean time while healing I'd be on drugs that gave me a mighty stiffy. So, I'm kind of excited on both accounts..." Others are questioning the validity of Dr. Seuss, who was asked by reporters what tools he will be using in the operation to insert the Snaggleburr and the Fhiqiment. "Well, my major tool for this operation will be my imagination! It should be powerful enough to get me through any complication!" said Seuss. When they questioned what other tools he might have, maybe ones in the real world, he replied "I've also got a hammer and a philip's head screwdriver around here somewhere."