Top 11 things we have learned so far in the NFL this year

11. Do not doubt the Madden Curse. 10. Do not, under penalty of Severe Underachievement, tell a team that their beloved and successful head coach will retire at the end of the year. 9. When a quarterback lines up out wide in the "wildcat" formation, no team is allowed to jam him hard, because the league needs to encourage every team to eventually use this formation. 8. If a West Coast team plays on the East Coast with a 1pm start time, they are required to stink on ice, since no team can ever overcome private chartered jet lag. 7. The older NFL announcers will continue to refer to rests as blows, no matter how much it makes people like you giggle. 6. When Norv Turner kills his team with pathetically non-aggresssive defensive play calling in the second year, rather than the first, his job is safer. 5. To keep his job while others lose theirs, Marvin Lewis must have photos of Bengals' GM Mike Brown in bed with a dead girl, a live boy, a convention of hobos and some ritualistically slaughtered puppies. 4. Jets fans don't really like it when their quarterback throws god-awful interceptions, even if said quarterback is, like, famous. 3. If you give a Manning a better defense, special teams, running game, offensive line and schedule, he must now be the best Manning. 2. The Cowboys and Patriots are model franchises with fantastically talented personnel, despite the fact that both were a starting quarterback injury away from getting waxed by terrible teams. 1. Now that Gene Upshaw is dead, everyone is really into water pills, pot, steroids, and treating women like crap.