Found December 14, 2012 on Purple Jesus Diaries:
Win or Go Home ... Or Really, Win AND We Still Go Home Anyway, Since it's an Away Game: I'll tell you this much ... Without the Vikings winning this Sunday, whatever slim hope they still of making the playoffs will get put on a sacrificial block and destroyed with one fell swoop. I think there is still some crazy ass way for the team to sneak into the playoffs even if they lose one of their next three games (@Rams, @Texans, Packers), but if we lose two it's curtains, blouses. As ridiculous as this all sounds, this is a serious conversation we're having. The problem is that the win we were all laughing about early in the season where the Seahawks "beat" the Packers is really coming back to chomp our testes right now. Seattle and Washington are the two teams that have an edge on the Vikings, both in any head to head tie breakers, records, and remaining schedule. If you're looking for a team to root against this weekend, make it the Rams (obviously, we're playing them), the Seahawks (they're a real bunch of pricks anyway), Washington (injured RGIII means a loss?!), and of course the Packers because we all hate them anyway. But, if somehow, all those things shake out this week, where Adrian Peterson runs for 300 yards again, Ponder only has to hand the ball off, we win, and everyone else loses, we're amazingly still in the picture. And despite this team being loaded with more BS than a fertilizer truck, having them playing meaningful games in December is still a lot more fun than being a Lions fan. SO LET'S KILL SOMETHING!! St. Louis - The Arch to the Choad of America: I have been to St. Louis once. It was during high school for a church trip (GAAAYYY!!!), and we pretty much just hung out in downtown by the older Busch stadium (Busch the 2nd? I don't remember). We maybe went to an Applebee's that was downtown to party it up because we were idiots who were 16 in a ****** city. And ****** it was, possibly the most ******. You think of a metropolitan area like Minneapolis and you have the downtown area, which you can walk from one end to the other in like 25 minutes, no problem. But even beyond that, North East, South Minneapolis, University area, I mean, there's a lot of cool spots in the city. St. Louis? Nope. You have about a six block radius downtown that includes a baseball stadium (which no one should care about since it's baseball), an arch that is stupid (hurray, a keystone holds this together!), and a dilapidated football stadium. If you step ONE FOOT outside of this area, you apparently walk into a war zone of poor people and flesh eating mutants who will stop at nothing to find sustenance. **** is weird, and I would like to never go back. In fact, I feel bad for the team even visiting there. Don't Forget - Ponder is Still Playing! Now, before you start getting TOO excited this week, gearing yourself for the playoffs, let's not forget that Christian Ponder (Ponderis Jackson?) is still our quarterback. So? Well, that means we're likely seeing a 45% completion rate and 115 yards passing from our quarterback on the day. Maybe even an interception or two. IN HIS DEFENSE, we might also have one touchdown, but it'll likely be a garbage one. You think about what he did last week against a Bears defense that was held together with zip ties and spit, and you're not left with a ton of confidence this week. A road game? Against a team that is still trying to prove themselves? A team that has a little momentum right now? A team with an unknown at quarterback ready to make our defensive backs look like brain dead buffalo? I'd say our odds of winning in this situation would rank as NOT WELL. The only hope we have is that the Rams forget to game plan for Adrian Peterson and he breaks the rushing record, AGAIN, and the defense scores a touchdown. Because we know Ponder isn't going to get us one. Dolan Comic of the Week: You may look at this week's Dolan and think I'm trying to pull a joke on you. Akshully, I am, iz a Dolan joock. But only because stupid Gooby gets tricked into guessing the wrong message on this Wheel of Fortune situation. The obvious joke here is how badly he got punked by Dolan, but also the fact that he was so sure of himself that he bet $10,000 big ones, only to then go in the hole like the economy. Stupid Gooby. Just because you can't SEE Dolan doesn't mean he's not there! Scotch of the Week: This week's scotch is a bit of a wish list scotch. We're taking a look at the Tullibarine, which is likely going to be hard to find locally. The reason is the distillery that makes it was actually shut down between 1995 and 2003. The result was some older scotch that sat around like a fat chick waiting to get hot, and then some rushed, younger scotch poon that was sold early on after it was reopened to get money again. Because of this, not many of their scotches are given age dates (which typically isn't a good sign), but the experience with this bottle sounds pleasant enough that I'd like to try it. It's probably more of a summer scotch, as it hits on the sweet and citrusy sugar notes typical of spirits aged in a Madiera cask, and has a similar easy going flavor of lemon slice, cream soda, and grapefruit. Essentially, if you like Bartles and James, you'll love this scotch. The finish is weak (like my left arm) and quick, so it's definitely not a drinking man's scotch, but something you could probably drink in Florida right now, if you weren't trying moonshine. Give it a go if you ever come across it. Shirtless Viking of the Week: Since our hopes and dreams of a playoff one-and-done appearance lay on the broad, arousing shoulders of the one and only Purple Jesus, I thought it was apt to bring out the big comes as a token to the Lord in hopes of a win this weekend. I am deciding that this is pretty much the quintessential Shirtless Vikings picture, and I'll probably fight anyone who says differently. It's from a while ago, as the text box says Peterson was 24 here, but if you think that matters you're drunk. Instead, we just get a picture of this divine body from four different angles, even though the angle of the woman's panties are only going in one direction right now ... DOWN. Booya! Anyway, hope this is enough to get us the victory. I'm honestly not sure what other picture could help out in a similar fashion, unless it was a shot of him shirtless riding a snowmobile with VIKTOR the VIKING on the back, I guess. Now or Never Predictions: OHGODOHGODOHGODWHATDOIDO ... We're at that weird record and part of the season where I'm just not sure if I should be rooting for a win or a loss and a draft pick. I mean, OK nerd fans, I get I should ALWAYS be rooting for a win, but we're so far out of the playoffs right now as is, winning what would wind up being a meaningless game would squander a chance at really improving the team through a legit draft pick. But god, what if we win?! What if Peterson goes HAM, the chips fall the right way, and we make it to the playoffs? Do we just need to get there and maybe win a game or two to get to the Super Bowl? ... Good lord, I don't think I've ever written a more ridiculous statement on this blog. I need to go receive some electro shock therapy and pass out for a month. If I look deep into my soul for a prediction this week, I can't see a win. I just can't. And let me go on record saying it has nothing to do with Adrian Peterson and everything to do with Christian Ponder, Bill Musgrave, and AJ Jefferson if he plays. But being on the road in this situation just bodes ill for us, and I think we come out unprepared and lose it. It won't even be really close, like a soft whimper as you fire that slacker at work. Oh well. Let's just get Peterson his 2,000 yard season, and I'll be happy. But, uh ... enjoy the game? Maybe I'll be totally wrong and things will go awesome. I know you'll watch regardless. Check back in Sunday for a game thread to share any of your stresses and disappointments. Largely, disappointments. See you then. [follow]
THE BACKYARD
BEST OF MAXIM
AROUND THE WEB
RELATED ARTICLES

Eric Dickerson opposes Adrian Peterson breaking his record.

Eric Dickerson has a lot to be proud of. The running back accomplished a great deal during his NFL career.   Mentally he is still holding onto the one thing that apparently matters the most to him: his single season rushing record. Please Click Here To Read This Story & Take Our Poll Regarding Peterson's Run At The Title
EYES ON THE PRIZE

Peterson: Dickerson should be nervous

Vikings running back Adrian Peterson said that he believes he can break the single season rushing record set by Eric Dickerson in 1984.

Adrian Peterson will win the NFL MVP award if…

Everyone says it is the year of the quarterback with the likes of last year’s recipient Aaron Rodgers, and multi winners Peyton Manning and Tom Brady battling for the NFL MVP, but people need to realize that there is a player having a better year than the star QB’s, and he is Adrian Peterson. Peterson, who has 1,600 yards 10 touchdowns on a 6.0 yard per carry average after...

Peterson now fourth in Pro Bowl balloting

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. Putting together one of the best seasons ever for an NFL running back, Minnesota Vikings' star Adrian Peterson is now fourth in voting for the Pro Bowl. Peterson, a Pro Bowler each of his first four years in the league before injuries cut short his 2011 season, leads the league in rushing with 1,600 yards and is trying to become just the seventh player in...

Minnesota's Adrian Peterson Is The Real-Life Terminator

Adrian Peterson is the midst of an all-time great season. No surprise considering he’s well on his way to becoming an all-time great himself. Bar none, my buddy Nick is one of my best friends on Earth. But we absolutely hate each other from September to August. Blame it on the NFL. Blame it on [...]The post Adrian Peterson, The Real-Life Terminator appeared first on The Sports Fan Journal.

Frazier: Expectations are clear for Ponder

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. Christian Ponder has had 23 starts to prove he is the Minnesota Vikings' long-sought long-term answer as the franchise quarterback, during which he's suffered the usual inconsistencies of a young player. Ponder, drafted 12th overall last year to end the yearly questions about who will be Minnesota's starter, has had highlights in which he's shown...

Dickerson: I don't want Peterson to break my record

Eric Dickerson holds the single-season rushing record of 2,105 yards set in 1984.  Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, who has 1,600 yards through 13 games, told Dickerson he should be nervous. "I'm not nervous," Dickerson said, laughing to Mike Freeman of CBSSports.com. Dickerson added:  "I don't want him to break it," Dickerson said...

Rams face stiff challenge in slowing Peterson

ST. LOUIS Rams coach Jeff Fisher has painful memories from the last time he attempted a game plan to slow Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson. I feel the same way now as I did then, Fisher said. I dont forget that week at all. Its not easy. The NFLs leading rusher comes to town Sunday when the 6-6-1 Rams hope to slow down the explosive Peterson and keep their playoff...

Report: Peterson says Dickerson should be nervous

Twenty-eight years ago, Eric Dickerson set an NFL single-season rushing record that still stands. Thursday morning, Vikings running back Adrian Peterson was asked on "The Dan Patrick Show" whether Dickerson has reason to be nervous that his 2,105 yards will be eclipsed this season. "I think so," Peterson said. "I think so." Peterson needs 506 yards in...

Adrian Peterson: I can beat Eric Dickerson’s single-season record of 2,105 yards

Adrian Peterson has completely defied science with the Minnesota Vikings this season. Despite suffering a torn ACL at the end of last season, Peterson has bounced back to enjoy one of the best seasons of his career. Most players take at least a year to return to form after an injury that significant, but A.P. has shown that the knee is a non-factor by rushing for 1,600 yards in 12...

Minnesota Vikings at St. Louis Rams: Week 15 NFL Pick

Minnesota Vikings (7-6) at St. Louis Rams (6-6-1) The Vikings won last week as home dogs against the Bears, but I’m still not sure about them. Christian Ponder once again had a terrible game, completing 11 of 17 for 91 yards and an interception. In his last 7 games, he’s 107 of 191 (56.0%) for 970 yards (5.1 YPA), 6 touchdowns, and 8 interceptions. Adrian Peterson is awesome...

Ponder, Bradford have struggles in common

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. Thanks in part to the Minnesota Vikings, the St. Louis Rams were faced with a franchise-altering moment in March when the Washington Redskins came calling. On the table was a lucrative trade offer from Washington, which would net St. Louis six draft picks in exchange for the No. 2 overall selection and the rights to select Heisman-winning Baylor quarterback Robert...

Vikings, Ponder still not finding Rudolph

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. Tight end Kyle Rudolph had gone nearly a full game Sunday without catching a pass. The first time Rudolph was able to get his hands on the ball, it helped the Minnesota Vikings secure an important 21-14 win against the Chicago Bears. This wasn't quite how Rudolph envisioned himself making an impact, but his biggest play of the game was hauling in an onside...

Rams primed to top Vikings in survival game

ST. LOUIS Spots are scarce. This is the time of year when the playoff race becomes a melee of gritted teeth, flying elbows and black eyes. Six slots. Many possibilities. One brawl. Call it Elimination Sunday at the Edward Jones Dome. The St. Louis Rams (6-6-1) and Minnesota Vikings (7-6) meet as members of the "In The Hunt" club in the NFC postseason chase. By the end...

Minnesota Vikings: Week 15 NFL Power Rankings (#20)

Last week: 20 (+0) Record: 7-6 Net points per drive: -0.14 (20th) DVOA: -5.1% (18th) Weighted DVOA: -8.8% (24th) The Vikings pulled the huge upset at home over the Bears, but things don’t get easier as they have to face the suddenly surging Rams in St. Louis, the Texans in Houston, and then head home to face the Packers. Even Adrian Peterson might not be enough to save them from...
Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.