Originally written on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 9/21/12

Cee Lo Green Can Really Sing… For An Alien

What the ****? Seriously, what the ****? I don’t get it at all. Why do they need a 300 pound midget little person yelling about how much he loves football? And if the opening 3 minute song wasn’t enough, every time they went to commercial break I had to deal with that little fat alien screaming at me. The entire NFL Network experience sucks, except for Rich Eisen, but the hands down worst part is Cee Lo. I just can’t imagine a worse person to feature.

Cam Newton Looked Lost

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird… It’s a plane…It’s… another terrible decision by Cam Newton. 

What an awful showing. The entire Carolina offense just looked out of sync. The Giants were getting great pressure all night and there was nothing Cam Newton could do about it. He forced passes, held on to handoffs too long and, for some reason unbeknownst to anyone, felt the need to Superman with no regard for the scoreboard.

It wasn’t all terrible, though. Cam’s performance allowed the world a chance to get a Derek Anderson sighting, which is always a treat.

Good Thing The NFL Network Guys All Picked Carolina

Seriously, boys?

I know that the Giants were missing some pretty key guys, but there wasn’t a single person on the panel that thought the reigning Super Bowl champs couldn’t pull it out against a young quarterback and Ron Rivera? Come on now. The Panthers had given up almost 150 rushing yards per game and they hadn’t faced anything close to an elite running back yet (sorry, Doug Martin). Andre Brown looked great after taking over for Ahmad Bradshaw last game and the Bucs run defense is just as bad as the Panthers’.

I don’t know – call me crazy – but I think at least one person should have picked the team coached by Tom Coughlin, not the one coached by Ron Rivera.

Steve Smith Is A Thug

Everytime the guy touches the ball he’s beating his chest and ************* anyone within 20 yards. It’s awesome.

Greg Olsen Had A Great Game

You know what that calls for?

Get em, G-Reg.

Martellus Bennet Is A Beast

If last year was the year of the quarterback then this is certainly the year of tight end. Bennet is clearly Eli’s favorite red zone target and his blocking skills guarantee that he will be on the field in most situations. If he’s still available in your league he’s worth an add. Even if you already have a tight end, there’s nothing wrong with having a legitimate trade chip.

Andre Brown And Ramses Barden Showed Up To Play

Go on and take a bow if you started either of these guys this week. Realistically, you can;t expect a week like this ever happening for either of these players again, barring injury of course. If Ahmad Bradshaw’s neck doesn’t heel, or those huge cracks that he has in both feet come back, then Andre Brown looks like a legitimate starter. I just don’t see him doing anything other than mildly annoying Bradshaw owners if Ahmad can stay healthy. Which is always a HUGE if.

Barden was more impressive to me. The way he was able to step right in and be right in sync with Eli Manning was pretty damn impressive. Nine catches for 138 yards on national television should answer any questions about Barden reaching his potential should be put to rest. I think there’s a reason to roster him, obviously, but there will be a cap on his upside once Nicks comes back. Not a huge cap, because we’ve seen in the past how three receivers in a New York Giants offense can all be owneable, but a cap nonetheless. I don’t think Hixon should be in the picture anymore and given Nicks’ injury past, there is serious upside to owning Barden. Hell, there’s serious upside to owning both of these players. Just don’t expect nights like Thursday unless there are injury issues with the front line guys.

Will Hill Is Back! Sour. 

As angry as Cee Lo made me, Will Hill made it all worth it. I kind of wish that he was still tweeting ridiculous things about white girls, using the airport bathroom and musing about the density of baby’s bones, but just knowing that person is somewhere under the surface makes me happy. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well a few years ago when Will was at Florida he decided that it would be a good idea to tweet everything that came to his beautiful mind. These are some of the highlights. It’s well worth your time to click and read them. If you don’t believe me, the picture to the right was his public Twitter avatar. That’s how little of a **** he gave. The next time you’re holding a small child, make sure to ask yourself the same question that Will posed to his Twitter followers before his account was shut down: How the **** a baby break its arm? Touche, Will. Glad to see you made it. Sour.

 

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