Originally written on Buffalo Wins  |  Last updated 2/21/12

(Editor's note: Photos produced by Buffaloobserver.com So, blame him.)

Joe: My goodness! It is almost impossible to track you down these days. I tried using the Sabres trade hotline, which I believe was 1800-I-dont-know-what-I'm-doing, but no one answered. Then I tried staying outside of your home in the bushes and began yelling at the balcony like Romeo and Juliet, only to have hot tar poured on me. Where have you been? Why did you retire on Twitter only to unretire?

Fake Darcy: Well, it’s good to be back. I retired on Twitter to concentrate on my day job. But I didn’t know how to stop the notifications from coming to my Twitter-phone so I decided to come back. Plus, as you can tell by my lack of trade activity, there wasn’t much going on with the day job.

1) Why have the Sabres struggled this season?

I think the blame needs to land squarely on the fans. Their cheering has been subpar and the expectations are ridiculous. Every franchise goes through a rough 41-year stretch. I wish they were more patient.

2) What do you regret more, signing Ville Leino or trading for Brad Boyes? 

I’m not sure what you’re driving at with this question. It’s like asking which your favorite is, Christmas or birthday. Both those guys are players that have talent. What can I say? Lindy is still the best defenseman on our team. Only he can keep these guys off the score sheet night after night.

3) How impressed have you been with 29 and 26 this season?

Despite efforts of some, these two have been everything I thought they would be. Of course, I see the bald-blonde limiting 26’s ice time periodically, trying to prevent him from scoring.

4) Has Robyn Regehr demanded to be traded yet and does he resent you and management for conning him into coming here?

I think Robyn will enjoy his spring vacation this year. He is our hostage, I mean under contract, for a bit longer. He’s not going anywhere.

5) Ryan Miller...where is his head at these days?

In 15th place, like the rest of us.

6) Derek Roy or Drew Stafford? Who leaves first?

Derek likes to wait until the showers are cleared before he leaves, so it’s always Staffy. But seriously, both those guys will get their names etched on the Cup when we win it. Why so little faith? They have the track record.

7) Who is on the trade block?

Hal Gill was, so was Rene Bourque. I usually find out who was on the trade block after the fact. I plan on pillaging other GM’s at the deadline. Be patient.

8) What happened with Bobby Ryan?

Anaheim was as serious about trading Ryan as I am about trading any of our core players.

9) Have you noticed anything different from Ted Black and Terry Pegula? Shifty eyes? Executive key not working?

I had heard that even if we lost every game the rest of the season, Lindy and I would return next year. I’m not sure how I feel about Lindy testing that theory, but T and T are in our pocket.

10) What is your relationship with Lindy like today? Any tension?

Our relationship is all about having the upper hand. When Coach Patrick beat the Bruins 6-0, I took the upper hand and cleaned Lindy’s clock. But I’m behind Lindy 100% right up until I have to choose between him and my job. At that point, he’ll have bus tires up and down his back.

11) Were you involved with the Time Warner/MSG negations?

I lobbied for blackouts across the board. I feel we can control our message better if I'm giving the fans the insight about how we are playing. MSG and Time Warner getting together is disaster for us, public-relations wise.

12) Any players you want to trade for?

I wouldn’t want to mess with our chemistry.

13) How did you and Lindy break the news to Luke Adam that he was going back to Rochester?

I handled it like I always handle it: with a texted picture of a Greyhound Bus telling him to enjoy winning a championship.

14) Are you willing to trade your prospects?

Only the bad ones. I have ZERO intention of trading the kids. Foligno, McNabb and Kassian are future bad-asses. We don’t need to have our fans regretting those deals for the next 15 years. Plus, Rochester will win the Calder this year and these guys will learn how to win in the playoffs. And if Rochester wins it all, I’m celebrating all off-season.

15) Do you think your job is on the line for what you do at the deadline?

Nope. You need at least a decade to evaluate this year’s deadline trades.

16) Take me into the war room on deadline day.

I roll into the office around 11 and click on Ecklund. After I stop laughing, I click on all the Sabres blogs. I check to see if I’m a BINGO square on one of them, the name escapes me. So in short, no different than any other day.

17) What is with all this tension with Brian Burke? Set the record straight.

I don’t think he likes the nickname I have convinced the other GM’s to call him: Fatty-Mc-Unibrow. He thought I was asking for too much when he called about Connolly in the past, but then he breaks his ankle stumbling to get a contract offer to Timmy on July 1. This, coincidentally, led to me starting to refer to him as Mr. Sloppy-Seconds. The tension is thick between Butterball and me.

18) What is the updated hit list?

Bucky. Sully. Hamilton. Pinzone. Stewart. Barnaby. Walter from Tops.

19) Talk to me about the injuries that the team sustained early this year. 

Oh, we had injuries? I hadn’t heard. They derailed our celebrations by one summer. Everything that went wrong this season will be blamed on injuries. Our Media Guide for next season will have Mercy Flight on the cover.

20) Any guy untradeable on this team?

Myers, Millsy, Pommers, Camel, Ennis, Gerbe, Kassian, McNabb, Conehead, Staffsy, Regehr, Ehrhoff, Leo, Myers again, Niner, Lukesy, Circ, etc…

21) How often are you on the phone a day?

All day. Words With Friends is addictive. I haven’t tried the Bird game yet, but I hear that’s addictive too. Mostly though, I’m on Twitter. You’d be surprised how many offers I receive by DM. Even a trade offer here and there, too.

22) Speed round: one sentence or less.

Ted Black: Problem with the toilet, notify him.
John Muckler: Got him in the dead pool. Did I win?
Rick Dudley: Maniac with a terrible rug.
Bucky: Needs a diet.
Heather B. We’re still better than the Pirates. (Editor's note: 2011 Pirates, 23rd out of 30. Current Sabres, 27th out of 30.  So we'll see, bub. -HB)
Patrick Kane: Dimes.
Rick Nash: Poor man’s Camel.
Nachos: Boner.
Mailbag RIP: Shall rise again.

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