Originally posted on Barry Melrose Rocks  |  Last updated 1/22/13
The NHL season is back! My loyalty lies with the Minnesota Wild, so I wanted to be sure to get an interview with the home town team. Fortunately, I was able to het an interview with captain Mikko Koivu. The best part was that the team wished me well in the interview. Their exact words were "good luck!".  BMR: There were some big changes to the Wild this offseason. What do you think was the most important? MK:  My descent into the deepest depths of the netherworld and bargained with Satan himself and exchange for my soul, I have been given the power of a thousand demons. Parise and Suter were also nice additions. BMR: Oh wow! Sounds like a busy offseason! Was it nice to hear the fans cheering for you against Colorado on Saturday night? MK: The sounds of 18000 fans pale in comparison to the wailing of infinite souls wailing in agony for all eternity. BMR: What will be the biggest key for the Wild this year? MK: Possession BMR: Of the puck? Or um.. right. So, this whole demon thing... Do the flames coming off of your entire body cause problems to the ice?  MK: The cold abyss that once was my heart is more than enough to stifle the flames that erupt all around me. BMR: What about the spiders that crawl from your mouth every time you open it? [At this point, Devil Koivu offers an unbroken, pupil-less  stare, and I begin to feel my chest constrict, as though my very soul is being ripped from my body. I break the stare and move on!] BMR: All right, moving on! What do you think you can offer this team? MK: The allegiance of millions of hellions, evil demons and the eternal damnation of our enemies. Also, I'm a strong back checker. BMR: I am beginning to see why people thought that this interview might go poorly. Jesus, you're frightening. [Upon saying the name 'Jesus' Devil Koivu hisses and exposes a mouth full of fangs. A smaller Koivu head emerges from his mouth and hisses at me as well, then Devil Koivu retreats into the darkness] Thanks for the interview, Minnesota Wild and Devil Mikko Koivu! Please don't haunt my nightmares!
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Sanu: Halftime show played role in Super Bowl collapse

James Dolan is among potential group of investors of new arena for New York Islanders

Report: Rams, Clippers discussing NBA venue in Inglewood

Terrence Jones reportedly interested in joining Celtics

LeBron reverses course, says he ‘always felt good’ about Cavs

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Ole Miss tried to implicate Mississippi State in football scandal

Jamaal Charles could be on the roster bubble

Jimmy Butler on state of Bulls: ‘I just want to win at all costs’

Report: Giants will be ‘aggressive’ in trying to sign Jason Pierre-Paul

Report: Porzingis avoided ligament damage in ankle

Brooks Koepka meltdown includes whiff, stomping head off driver

Top 10 shortstops in baseball for 2017

The most dangerous NBA teams flying under the radar

Eat, Drink, Watch: Your award-worthy weekend planning guide

Grading the NBA trade deadline on the Vince Carter scale

Box Score 2/24: A night of NBA disrespect

As NHL trade deadline nears, seven teams who could be dealing

The 'Pete Rose instead of Kareem? Surely, you can't be serious' quiz

Streaming sports docuseries you don't want to miss

Teams that can prevent a Cavs-Warriors NBA Finals three-peat

The NFL off-season is a passer’s fancy

The Aesthetic: Pushing the boundaries of the three-pointer

NBA coaches who should be fired soon

NHL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Top 10 shortstops in baseball for 2017

The most dangerous NBA teams flying under the radar

Eat, Drink, Watch: Your award-worthy weekend planning guide

Grading the NBA trade deadline on the Vince Carter scale

Streaming sports docuseries you don't want to miss

As NHL trade deadline nears, seven teams who could be dealing

The 'Pete Rose instead of Kareem? Surely, you can't be serious' quiz

Teams that can prevent a Cavs-Warriors NBA Finals three-peat

The NFL off-season is a passer’s fancy

QUIZ: Name every MLB pitcher who has recorded 10 or more shutouts in a single season

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker