Battle of the Blades, Week 1 recap (part 1)

Greetings, nonselective fans of live events that take place on ice! Welcome to the third season of Battle of the Blades, the program that awkwardly combines two of Canada's favourite things, Kurt Browning and Ron Maclean (or hockey and figure skating, I guess, whatever). BotB is apparently the highest-rated program in Canada, a country clearly in need of some mentoring. My name is Harrison Mooney, the Poochy of Puck Daddy and, because I have a lifetime of sins for which to atone, I'll be reviewing this program weekly for all of you. I don't hate myself, so before last night, I had never watched an episode of BotB in my life, but after sitting through an hour of this thing, I understand why it's so highly-regarded in my home and native land: it's the most Canadian program ever, narrowly edging out Just for Laughs: Gags (a show where a bunch of Francophone comedians trick — and then immediately apologize to — strangers). Only Canada could get behind a reality progr...