Originally posted on Puck Huffers  |  Last updated 4/10/12

We've been here before, you know.
There is going to be an absolute cacophony of voices in our heads and in our faces over the next week-plus, yelling and screaming and whining and kicking down the borders of consciousness.
NBC Sports will turn the contrast up on those oranges and blacks and whites and golds, and get rolling into a festival of rhetoric.
In a way, we almost like the underdog mentality that comes with being a hockey fan. Hockey fans know their teams like the backs of their hands, and every little game moment is like having a beer with your favorite player. But the national media never seems to "get it"--it takes approximately 5 seconds of close listening to realize that everything being discussed on a national hockey broadcast is largely made up and you're mentally being pressed against a wall with a hand on your throat, being asked, BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT THAT WAS A VETERAN MOVE BY KIMMO TIMONEN? WAS THAT AN UNBELIEVABLE MOVE BY MALKIN OR WHAT? HUH?

All immaterial. We know what to expect. Malkin is unbelievable of course, but we're the ones who have been watching him all year. We'll tell you what's unbelievable.
Not going to speak for Flyers fans, but they probably also know what Kimmo Timonen's "veteran moves" are, if they stopped chanting words that don't make sense long enough to watch the game.

The adage of "nothing worth winning ever came easy" holds true, but we're headed into something a little more intense than mere baptism by fire. It's going to be a media circus, an emotional overload, a staring contest, a lynch mob.

It's like having to defend our honor with a fistfight in the middle of a very public parking lot.
There are some things you just don't say and NBC sports is probably going to say them. What eludes most mainstream fans and most national media is the fact that the game is being played on the mother ******* ice surface.
Not in your head, or on TV.
May the best team win and not have too many black eyes or shrapnel scars by the end of this mess, and god help any poor soul who isn't ready to fling some fresh bile into the ********* and deal with this passionately.

STAFF PREDICTIONS

KIMBERLY:
Realistically: Pens in 5.
In the land of our souls:
I honestly think it will be pretty hilarious. But not the fun kind of hilarious - the really awkward kind, like when you laugh about a 5 year old child saying she wants to die because she lost her zip-lock bag of marshmallows. It's kind of adorable and hilarious, but it's a little awkward how much she MEANS it. The Flyers are embarrassingly hilarious in their earnestness and desire to beat us. So, with that in mind, I believe that game one will be pretty reserved on the parts of both teams, as far as fighting and tomfoolery go. Everyone will still be pretending that the playoffs are somehow related to European hockey. That is, until the last ten minutes, when roughly one third of all players on both teams will obtain some sort of eye/face injury, leaving me to swoon endlessly for the rest of the series. The second game we will all forget due to liquor consumption, but we will read reports from our outgoing text messages that look like "ZZoe.. zoe. can youcount the happenings in the net JAMES neals done" and assume it means something good. I predict that Evgeni Malkin will marry Hartnell's mom shortly before the first period of game three, causing the game to degrade into fistfights almost immediately. Even if Malkin doesn't marry any moms, I feel the third game being a bit of a gloves-off free-for-all. Sidney Crosby will score a record breaking amount of goals in game four. I predict that the series will last for 3.5 games, however, because the Flyers will renounce themselves as a franchise after Sid's 26th goal. We will move happily on.


ZOË:
Pens in 6.
MAF will eventually find his castle on the hill, away from the bears that plague Ilya Bryzgalov.
References to midcentury French literature and cinema will literally become impossible.
 People on TV will sound like assholes and pronounce Claude Giroux's name like "claw" as in "bearclawwww."
If we were in Pennsylvania in our not-so-distant slightly-more-youths, we'd be driving up for every single game at the big screen, being poor, and exclusively eating Sheetz.
But this is the time to be more sophisticated than all that.
THIS IS NOT OUR FIRST RODEO.

More information as it becomes available, and **** Philly,
Go Pens. 

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Sanu: Halftime show played role in Super Bowl collapse

James Dolan is among potential group of investors of new arena for New York Islanders

Report: Rams, Clippers discussing NBA venue in Inglewood

Terrence Jones reportedly interested in joining Celtics

LeBron reverses course, says he ‘always felt good’ about Cavs

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Ole Miss tried to implicate Mississippi State in football scandal

Jamaal Charles could be on the roster bubble

Jimmy Butler on state of Bulls: ‘I just want to win at all costs’

Report: Giants will be ‘aggressive’ in trying to sign Jason Pierre-Paul

Report: Porzingis avoided ligament damage in ankle

Brooks Koepka meltdown includes whiff, stomping head off driver

Top 10 shortstops in baseball for 2017

The most dangerous NBA teams flying under the radar

Eat, Drink, Watch: Your award-worthy weekend planning guide

Grading the NBA trade deadline on the Vince Carter scale

Box Score 2/24: A night of NBA disrespect

As NHL trade deadline nears, seven teams who could be dealing

The 'Pete Rose instead of Kareem? Surely, you can't be serious' quiz

Streaming sports docuseries you don't want to miss

Teams that can prevent a Cavs-Warriors NBA Finals three-peat

The NFL off-season is a passer’s fancy

The Aesthetic: Pushing the boundaries of the three-pointer

NBA coaches who should be fired soon

NHL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Top 10 shortstops in baseball for 2017

The most dangerous NBA teams flying under the radar

Eat, Drink, Watch: Your award-worthy weekend planning guide

Grading the NBA trade deadline on the Vince Carter scale

Streaming sports docuseries you don't want to miss

As NHL trade deadline nears, seven teams who could be dealing

The 'Pete Rose instead of Kareem? Surely, you can't be serious' quiz

Teams that can prevent a Cavs-Warriors NBA Finals three-peat

The NFL off-season is a passer’s fancy

QUIZ: Name every MLB pitcher who has recorded 10 or more shutouts in a single season

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker