Is Cuthbert REALLY Sloppy Seconds?

Dallas Stars' forward Steve Avery gave what should go down as one of hockey's, if not all of sports', all-time bulletin board material interviews this week in Calgary. The ever-irksome Avery basically called Flames star defenseman Dion Phaneuf's girlfriend, hockey groupie Elisha Cuthbert, his sloppy seconds (actually sloppy thirds since she also dated Canadien Mike Komisarek). Here's the actual quote: " I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight." Good stuff right there. Avery of course was suspended before the actual game for conduct detrimental to the hockey, but it would seem his shenanigans did take Phaneuf out of his game. The Flames lost 3-1 and Phaneuf was -3 for the night. The quote got me thinking though. Avery is a knucklehead on the ice, but he's a midget, and a bit of a pretty boy. I'm not sure how sullied Cuthbert got while dating him. If I was dating Cuthbert (I do every night when I dream), who would she have had to engage in relations with previously for me to consider her truly "sloppy" seconds? Here's my top 5 list: 1. Hollis Thomas - That just would be a ton of belly sweat for one girl to endure. 2. Shaq - I guess, in a way, I'd be impressed she survived the ordeal. 3. Rodman - Was Carmen Electra ever the same in your eyes? 4. Tyrone Hill - I'd have to question her eyesight and sanity. And he'd probably owe her money. Ask Charles Oakley. 5. Larry Bird - Fugly and an f'n Celtic. She couldn't take enough showers.