Found January 18, 2013 on
The Royal Half:
Los Angeles Kings
Late last season, we debuted a brand-new feature here at The Royal Half... "Know Your Opponent." And the reviews were... um... well... um... interesting. Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck has a very unique ability when it comes to in-depth previews of the upcoming opponents of the Los Angeles Kings. So I figured we would continue to have her take a look at the big LA Kings matchups during this NHL Half Season. In case none of you have read Brigitte before, her is a photo of her to help get you acquainted!
Click Here to Check Out the "Know Your Opponent" for the Kings vs Blackhawks Season Opener on Saturday, January 19th!!!
It's obviously been a LONG time since most of you have watched hockey (No, the 3,457 times you watched the Kings Stanley Cup DVD don't count), and many of you have forgotten about the lowly Blackhawks. Remember these guys? They lost to Phoenix in the first round of the playoffs last year. Remember? HAHAHAHAHA. I'm not kidding! What a bunch of Schmo's. Well here's a friendly reminder of who's on the team, and what your defending Stanley Cup Champion Los Angeles Kings will be facing on Saturday.
Toews often gets the nickname "Captain Serious". I however like to refer to him as "Captain Creeper."
He sees you. He sees your delicious flesh. He smells your fear.
Toews is the creepiest dude ever, and I know a few things about creeping. He eats children's souls for sustenance.
"Come here little girl and give Uncle Jonathan your soul."
Toews is everywhere. Watching you. He sees you sleeping. He won't stop until he's captured your soul and used it for energy.
"Everywhere you look, there I am."
Oh Patrick Kane, what more can I say about him that hasn't already been posted online by some chick he banged.
Patrick Kane likes to hang out in swimming pools with a bunch of other dudes.
As much as I want to make fun of him, I feel like I just can't. The guy is just living the mother ******* dream! By living the dream I mean chilling with Tyler Seguin in Europe.
Douche Rule #24: Never ever button your shirt properly. Always show that sweet waxed chest bro!
I'm also semi-concerned about Tyler's left hand placement right there.
I know Patrick Kane likes to party, but...damn! Speaking of partying, Kaner likes to diversify where he spends his drunk time. Like The University of Wisconsin and in the jail system of beautiful Buffalo, NY.
Looking good Pat!
I will never let anyone forget about this mugshot.
Duncan Keith killed one of the Sedin twins last year. I'm pretty sure he got his name on The Cup for that too. (Sorry Lokti!) He also likes to party.
How high is Vince Vaughn?
Speaking of partying douche bags, Brent Seabrook might be the most underrated one on the team.
Yea brah! Sideways hats are the ****!
He's looking at you ladies!
Try and get this image out of your head now...Mwahahaha.
I like to refer to Viktor as "That one Swedish hockey player who people think is hot, but I'd rather contract herpes from Patrick Kane than touch him". It's a long nickname I know, but it's incredibly factual.
So greasy. So gross.
How a Swedish hockey player can turn me off is unexplainable. (Obviously the Sedin's don't count in this, cause ew.) Plus his spray tan makes Jeff Carter look albino.
OMG the disease has spread to Niklas Hjalmarsson!
So far it looks like only Jonathan Toews isn't a complete party boy douche bag.
Whoops, spoke too soon.
That's an old picture though, I should give him the benefit of the doubt.
(TRH NOTE: This photo looks like the worst episode of Entourage of all-time.)
Here's Corey Crawford getting scored on. Corey Crawford is terrible.
There's some other idiots on the team too. Dave Bolland is a giant troll, Marian Hossa I think is still alive, and there's some bottom line scrubs too. The real star however is Patrick Sharp.
Take me now you bearded sex machine.
Watch out Lundqvist, Patrick Sharp in a suit is pretty ******* amazing!
OMG look at him with his adorable dog! Basset hounds are the best, Patrick Sharp is the best.
Please make out with me.
Patrick Sharp's naked legs!
You're welcome everyone.
So what have we learned today? The Blackhawks are awful party douchebags, expect for Patrick Sharp. Patrick Sharp is the best. Oh, and Corey Crawford sucks! Yea, the Kings should handle them just fine. Just throw some Jager bottles on the ice and watch all those idiots try and get it before it goes between Corey Crawford's five hole.
PS: Chelsea Dagger sucks! Enjoy watching the Kings raise their Stanley Cup banner!
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AROUND THE WEB
On Thursday morning, the Blackhawks made a few roster moves in preparation for the season beginning on Saturday. Forwards Brandon Pirri and Jimmy Hayes and defenseman Ryan Stanton were sent back to Rockford. The Hawks roster now stands at 24 … Continue reading →The post Brandon Saad Makes Blackhawks Opening Night Roster appeared first on Committed Indians.
EXCUSE ME SIR
Chicago Blackhawks right winger Patrick Kane was accidentally knocked over by NHL linesman Derek Amell during Saturday's season opener against the Los Angeles Kings at the Staples Center. If Amell can deliver checks like that, somebody should give him a tryout. H/T @djm448. Visit us at holdoutsports.com and follow us on Twitter @HoldoutSports.
On Thursday, the Blackhawks announced a “Fan Salute” program in the wake of the lockout. According to the site, the team will be giving away 1,000 signed jerseys, 250 signed pucks, 100 signed sticks, 50 VIP experiences and tickets to … Continue reading →The post Chicago Blackhawks Announce “Fan Salute” Program appeared first on Committed Indians.
The Chicago Blackhawks have been ousted in the first round of the playoffs the past two years after winning the Stanley Cup.
The Blackhawks believe they can make a big run this season where there's little room for error with just 48 games to play. It starts with Saturday's opener at Los Angeles.
The Blackhawks still have the same cast of stars from their championship run...
We’ve already looked at the Blackhawks depth on the blue line and the current state between the pipes, so now – a day before the season begins – let’s look at the forwards the Hawks will have on the ice … Continue reading →The post Chicago Blackhawks: Forward Preview appeared first on Committed Indians.
Marian Hossa had two goals and an assist, Corey Crawford made 19 saves, and the Chicago Blackhawks crashed the Kings' Stanley Cup championship celebration with a 5-2 victory over Los Angeles on Saturday.
Captain Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane each had a goal and an assist for the Blackhawks, who jumped to a 3-0 lead on Michael Frolik's goal less than 15 minutes in. With...
LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Marian Hossa had two goals and an assist, Corey Crawford made 19 saves, and the Chicago Blackhawks crashed the Kings' Stanley Cup championship celebration with a 5-2 victory over Los Angeles on Saturday.
Captain Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane each had a goal and an assist for the Blackhawks, who jumped to a 3-0 lead on Michael Frolik's goal less than...
LOS ANGELES -- The Chicago Blackhawks got the season off to a bang and sent the Los Angeles Kings back to earth. Marian Hossa had two goals and an assist as the Chicago Blackhawks spoiled the Kings' Stanley Cup championship banner-raising opener with a 5-2 victory Saturday. Hossa beat goalie Jonathan Quick with a shot from the top of the right circle for a 5-2 lead halfway...
It was a great game played by the Chicago Blackhawks today in the first game of the NHL regular season defeating the reigning Stanley Cup Champion Los Angeles Kings 5-2. Patrick Kane scored the first goal of the year and adding an assist later in the game. Jonathan Toews, coming off a bout [...]
LOS ANGELES -- Marian Hossa had two goals and an assist as the Chicago Blackhawks spoiled the Los Angeles Kings' Stanley Cup championship banner-raising opener with a 5-2 victory Saturday. Hossa beat goalie Jonathan Quick with a shot from the top of the right circle for a 5-2 lead halfway through the third period. Los Angeles had pulled to 4-2 just 15 seconds earlier when Jordan...
On the eve of the new season (finally) beginning, we’re excited to announce a great new promotion with our partners at Triumph Books. In 2011, Triumph published 100 Things Blackhawks Fans Should Know & Do Before They Die. After an … Continue reading →The post Special Offer For Committed Indians appeared first on Committed Indians.
Follow me @jaeckel
If youâre feeling a spinning sensation while following the Blackhawks right now, itâs not because your teamâs hopes are swirling the drain (at least not yet anyway).
Itâs because the Hawksâ marketing/p.r. machine is in high gear.
First it was Stan Bowman in an interview with ESPNâs Pierre LeBrun last week, scoffing at those...
In honor of the 2013 regular season beginning, we’re throwing puck drop party! On Saturday, Jan. 19, the defending Stanley Cup Champion Los Angeles Kings will receive their rings, raise a banner, and then host the Chicago Blackhawks to begin … Continue reading →The post 2013 Puck Drop Celebration appeared first on Committed Indians.