Originally written on Barry Melrose Rocks  |  Last updated 9/19/12



The Florida Panthers were among the first teams to lay off staff, and among the terminated was team mascot Stanley C. Panther. Follow along as we join the lovable mascot on three journeys through unemployment.

 SCENE 1

/looks at keyboard
/looks at giant felt fingers
/mashes keyboard
/hangs head

SCENE 2 

 Interviewer: So would you say you have good personal skills? I mean, you are a large junglle cat, after all
/points to smile on his face, throws up hands
Interviewer: But would if a customer comes in and they are upset? What do you do then?
/stands up and does the running man
Interviewer: I... think we have to go in another direction
/hangs head

SCENE 3

UPS Manager: I understand that you have driven a zamboni?
/nods furiously
UPS Manager: Strangely enough, that more than qualifies you to work for us. Congratulations, you're hired! Probably because this is the clearly German version of the company.
/Stands up and does running man
UPS Manager: You can start today! Here is your uniform, go get read and we will start training today!
/Goes to change. Comes back
UPS Manager: GOOD LORD, MAN, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?!
/Points to tail
UPS Manager: That's disgusting!  Get out! Get out of the office!
/Hangs head

Someone, please. Stanley isn't fit to be released into the Everglades. His felt suit gets bogged down by water, and he isn't much of a hunter. Please hire Stanley. 

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