the ASG portraits and what they mean to you

We really have to give it to the NHL this year, btw. In making up for that completely surreal and tragic opening ceremony experience, they have turned out some of the least ****** and bizarre All-Star Game portraits yet. They've eliminated weird lighting techniques and have put the players in their jerseys to ensure that any fashion faux pas are mostly ignored. But they're also kind of boring. Joffrey Lupul: Man on a Wire. Does he look scared or is it just us? This is classy. This says, "Hello, is it you I'm looking for?" HELLO MY NAME IS PAVEL That's really all this says to us. Maybe LOL as well. Too tall for School, yo. Subtly placed Penguins logo. We also got a good view of Gene's stems from the Penguins thanks to this shot. Do they all wear ballshortz to the portraits? We may never know. Hossa went for the hat. We think this choice is a little tacky. Corey Perry says: hey check out my white stick tape while I hold my kn...