Originally posted on Puck Huffers  |  Last updated 4/11/13
Stormed last night in Pittsburgh and today we play the Bolts.Root is just spazzing over the pun possibilities. We're going to try to avoid it, but if they total 2 goals in the game...There's going to have to be a striking twice joke. So sorry in advance. Let's get to the awards.  MOST POWERFUL OVERLORDSid shows up in a suit. He's watching.Waiting.BEST RESULTS WITH LEAST EFFORTI mean, we're not doing terribly. Just...you know. Sluggish.  But then, amidst the slumbering men on skates, Dupes chips it to Morrow, who gets it towards the net. It goes through the paint and Jussi gets a foot on it, sending it into the net. Refs rule no distinct kicking motion. Look at the happy fans behind Jussi...we were LOUD in Tampa tonight. Then, Kennedy creates a nasty rebound for Dupes to scoop up and get into the back of the net. Suddenly it's 2-0. We don't look too good, but man do the Bolts look bad.If the game ended now we could headline this PENS STRIKE LIGHTNING TWICE or LIGHTNING GETS STRUCK TWICE. Or something else less horrible.  Let's Go Pens! is drifting around the arena. It's a beautiful America for Pens fans. MOST LAUGHABLE Purcell thinks he's a real boy. DOWNYEST SOFFNESSBefore the end of the first moseys around, Tanger lands the kushiest pass ever on Iginla's stick. No one likes a soff attitude, but soff hands? They're a beautiful thing.Gloves stuffed with down? #conspiracyIginla doesn't disappoint and totally snipes it into the net.  You know that's right. GREATEST OPPORTUNITY FOR PUNS YETConnolly makes it easy: LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE, NOT ENOUGH When horrible puns weren't happening, other less horrible people told the real story: Hahahahahahaha. Yes. MOST HULKED OUTMalkin is kind of back, which is awesome. We've missed him. We almost forget what insane animalistic **** he can get up to. Malkin undresses everyone (and their mothers, but that's later) and sends it home. Shortly after Kunitz gets into some faces while battling on the boards. Malkin gets into a shovey shovey match. Engo and Cooke step in to defend their leader. It's so bromancey up in here that it's insane. WAY MORE THAN THE TIPJussi moved to get to shot that Murray took. At first the word "tip" was used, but Murray had just been getting it past some Bolts - he got it close enough to Jussi, who sent it the rest of the 10-or-so feet it needed to go. (Oh, hai black mouth guard, how are you today? What's that? In my nightmares, you say?) BEST CHERRY POPPINGMurray goes into a fight with Crombeem helmetless. His first fight for us! He gets a good number of fists in, totally ignoring Crombeen's helmet. Then he started getting in body shots and goes after Crombeen's hand - treats in a hockey fight. Wonderful, wonderful treats.  And yes, I did just use Crombeen as many times as I could. That name.  We'll always remember your first MOST ADORABLELetang spends some time ruining lives, Gudus gets kicked out because [footage missing.] It's a little on edge out there, and it gets scrappy. We're up on the power play when something really special happens. Tanner gets his first special teams goal. Bobby actually says "good for Tanner Glass!" like he is a proud father. We all feel proud. It's just...Brings a tear to your eye, ya know? EASIEST TO IGNOREThe Bolts get one in in the dying stretch. Whatevs. **** 'em. They just wanted to ruin the puns.Pens Win. INDIVIDUAL AWARDSMOST PRESENT MEDIAOverhead cam was on point tonight. Alt three stars:1. Tanner. Gawww.2. Tanger. Obvs.3. Tyler. Because this game is brought to you by the letter T. Maybe if the Pens keep winning the cicadas won't come back. That's the only way it could get better, I think.Saturday awaits.Go Pens.
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