Originally written May 15, 2013 on The Royal Half:
Il_los_angeles_ae13
*THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF, BUT RATHER PUMPERNICHOLL, OUR MASTER RECAPPER*   KINGS 2, SHARKS 0 Round 2 already? That was fast. Sorry, I'm not used to the quick turnaround. Last year the Los Angeles Kings gave fans a couple of weeks off between games so my internal clock is all screwed up. Good thing I have my Game 1 tickets to the Honda Center!   Wait, what? The Ducks lost to the No. 7 seed? But their superstars just signed two of the biggest contracts in the league. And they were up 3-2 in the series. And they had home-ice in Game 7. They really lost?!?     Huh. Well then, let's recap which teams are playing real quick: **** you sharks **** Canucks **** hockey **** everything twitter.com/KesLeRoy/statu… — Wayne (@KesLeRoy) May 6, 2013 Canucks fans can't even get drunk right. But I guess that means the Sharks won. ******* **** **** asshole titties ***** ***** licking **** gobbler @stlouisblues fall to the defending champions LA Kings in 6. — Jesse Magdanz (@JesseMagdanz) May 11, 2013 Appreciate the clarity!   So it's Kings-Sharks again, eh? Click Here to Read the Rest of PumperNicholl's RECAP of Game 1 vs the Sharks!!!   Well this should be fun! I mean, the Kings nearly took out the Sharks two years ago despite not having Anze Kopitar or Mike Richards in the lineup. Factor in Jarret Stoll's Game 2 suspension from that series and you'll see the Kings won that game against the Sharks full roster even though they dressed top-flight centers Michal Handzus, Brad Richardson and Trevor Lewis. No, seriously. Those weren't just some random players, they were the Kings ONLY three centers dressed for that game. And the Kings won 4-0.   Plus the Sharks haven't played an NHL-calibre team since April 27, so...   Kings in 5.     PREGAME: I was too excited at the time to tweet about it; **** yeah sharks gonna sweep the playoffs #sharkssharkssharkssharkssharkssharkssharkssharks — donny donny (@donavonX) May 8, 2013 About that... LA KINGS? GARBAGE THEY WON ON A FLUKE. SHARKS? CHOKE ARTISTS YO. RED WINGS? **** THOSE RUSSIANS. BLACKHAWKS? CANT HOLD PHANEUF'S NUTS. — Chalupa Batman (@zanners) May 13, 2013 Chalupa Batman is not a fan of the Western Conference. **** you have got to be kidding me!!! Sharks will ******* sweep the kings before I'm back home from… instagram.com/p/ZR5aynOQvc/ — jesvicious77 (@jesvicious77) May 14, 2013 You're getting all worked up for no reason. @jrmgna **** IT'S GOING DOWN #BEATLA #NOWAYLA #NOKINGSNO — Brooke Pinkston (@BrookeTaylom) May 13, 2013 CAPITAL LETTERS. HASHTAGS. @kevinkwits I ****** with them for so long until everyone got on their dick. **** the kings now. #norepeat — Sal (@iSxCi) May 14, 2013  Those Buffalo hipsters sure do hate cheering for a winning team. @beingbrian **** yo kings. SHARKS SHARKS SHARKS #GOSHARKS — Oscar Segoviano (@Doscar) May 14, 2013 GOSH ARKS Because **** whoever made this and **** the kings #forever #theycouldonlywish twitter.com/SoCalPeachh/st… — Erin (@SoCalPeachh) May 14, 2013 HEY NOW! N-O-T COOL! But nice of the Ducks to invite all 17 fans in attendance down to the glass. just ordered my tickets for the sharks game tonight!!! **** the kings! — adam vanderloop (@Vander_Loop20) May 14, 2013 ****! I want to go too a sharks kings playoff game so bad but they play the same time as the warriors do today and on Thursday.. — mrjt93 (@mrjt93) May 14, 2013 NorCal problems, apparently. **** THE GOD DAMN KINGS BC THE SHARKS ARE GOING TO SWEEP THE ******* KINGS LIKE THEY SWEPT THE GOD DAMN CANUCKS, **** KINGS FANS — ✞ promote hate ✞ (@TYLRTheCremator) May 14, 2013 TLYR MAD. TYLR SWEAR. We'll check in with him again shortly. **** work I'm missing the Kings game tonight. My brother better record that **** — Greg Allen (@GregTheTruth78) May 15, 2013 Kings fans, everyone!   Tbh the Sharks are better but I mean I've liked the Kings longer, and HOLY TITTY **** DICK I DONT LIKE THESE CONFLICTING FEELINGS ON HOCKEY — ROSHANDA (@Lauren2argueta) May 15, 2013 ... Let's just start this already.     FIRST PERIOD: The #Kings have Cartman, you don't **** with Cartman. #gokingsgo — Justin Cruz (@jmart814) May 15, 2013 RESPECT  OUR AUTHORATAH! Jonathan Quick is stupid on fire right now -.- **** you LA — Raul Cruz Castañeda (@Rahooligan_) May 15, 2013 How the **** did that not go in, Jonathan Quick? — N (@Landes_Calder) May 15, 2013 I love how surprised Sharks fans get. LA KINGS YOU ******* AREN'T WORTHY OF PLAYING MACKLEMORE IN YOUR ARENA SUCK MY DICK — Paulina Sotelo. (@linatelo) May 15, 2013 Macklemore would totally agree with you right now. VOYNOV **** YEA #GOOOOAAAALLLLL — RAD RICHARD DICK DAG (@RichSWAGostino) May 15, 2013 **** you Slava Voynov #**** — Mike Powers (@Mike_Powers18) May 15, 2013 **** you voynov you russian **** — S Semler (@baconegg888) May 15, 2013 **** LA. Their organist started the Niemi taunt. So unsportsmanlike #BeatLA — Melissa Bowling (@anthem_girl55) May 15, 2013 Voynov scored? Well I guess that was the game-winning goal then. — PumperNicholl (@PumperNicholl) May 15, 2013 *shameless promotion*     SECOND PERIOD: “Voynov rips it, 1-0 Kings” @bertly83 **** you sir, **** you! — Rob Waddington (@Waddingly3) May 15, 2013 Hey now! “They're giving it to Voynov right now but it clearly was re-directed. Richards seemed to maybe touch it” @bertly83 Double **** you! — Rob Waddington (@Waddingly3) May 15, 2013 Double hey now! “@delfino_26: “@daddy_andrew27: Who the **** is this voynov guy” #***************** ill kick your ass #******* — Andrew vieyra (@Daddy_Andrew27) May 15, 2013 Allow me to introduce you! **** my life, I quit I just quit. **** the kings they can lick my asshole **** **** ****. Going to bed pissed — tayner Butz (@tBudz) May 15, 2013 **** you voynov, **** the kings, **** my math test. Goodnight — Zach (@Cocciardi21) May 15, 2013 Sharks fans are not Voynov fans. More importantly, what the hell is home ice advantage? RT @pumpernicholl: WHAT THE HELL IS A TWO-GOAL LEAD?!? — Colin Hanks (@ColinHanks) May 15, 2013 That's a great question, The Hanks. **** u ******* "@lakings: Raffi Torres heads to the penalty box, charging. Not the first time you'll hear that. Kings on the #DISCPowerplay. — Alex (@alexgtrrzrulez) May 15, 2013 I FREAKING HATE RAFFI TORRES. dirty ****. — Kayla Shimasaki (@kaylashima) May 15, 2013 Does anyone else wanna play besides Torres I mean **** — Andrew D. Gormally(@ADangerGormally) May 15, 2013 Great analysis. LOL WHAT A ******** CALL. TORRES BACKED OUT OF 3 PREVIOUS HITS THIS GAME. **** YOU REFS. LET EM PLAY. — David J Barclay III (@DjamesIII) May 15, 2013 We'll revisit this at the end.  Just wondering what the **** y'all are doing out there?! PLAY AS A TEAM. Fools. #letsgosharks #BeatLA — SjR. (@smokahontisxo) May 15, 2013 Doug Wilson may have found his new coach!     THIRD PERIOD: I hope Slava Voynov trips and falls into pancreatic cancer after this game.**** the Kings. — VancouverCantPucks (@GoalmezMyLove) May 15, 2013 Fans are just confused. Where in god's **** did slava voynov came from. Wtf is a slava #poffs — Brandyn Di Domenico (@DjDidom) May 15, 2013 If you really want to get to know him that bad...       TRH THREE STARS OF THE NIGHT:     3. Jonathan Quick **** you Jonathan Quick you *** peice of ****. — Zachary Dominguez (@zach_yabish) May 15, 2013 **** u jonathan quick i should be 25 bucks richer ******* guy of course stands on his head when i bet against him — john ferone (@ferone10) May 15, 2013 That's a lot of Miller Lites you lost out on. **** Jonathan quick! #ugh — QueeN BaBee (@jael0vee) May 15, 2013 I don't think we'll be seeing Jonathan Bernier. Sorry, Kings fans.     2. San Jose Sharks Fans  ITS ALL GOOD ITS GAME 1 AND THE SHARKS HAVENT PLAYED IN A WEEK ITS ALL GOOD — ✞ promote hate ✞ (@TYLRTheCremator) May 15, 2013 TLYR's BACK! He's less sweepy this time.   **** the la kings and all you fake dick riding fans that go for them just cause they're from LA. — Lou Manotti (@RYONEM) May 15, 2013 And revisiting this...   Jeret sure looks like he got scrambled.   Not sure what all chaos are about on Torres hit. Thought it was clean. Never thought I'd back him. #NHL will find away to **** #SJSharks ovr — Nolan (@MLSFAN20) May 15, 2013 @megalodonboc I give a ****!I will miss those Torres #CrazyEyes if he's suspended. — Drucifer (@drewgill) May 15, 2013 How the **** is Torres about to get suspended for that hit. — Nate Faraci (@NateFaraci1223) May 15, 2013 @nhlshanahan Witch hunting because his name is Raffi Torres. Stoll put himself in a **** position, head wasn't the target or principle POC. — Peter (@peterlayman) May 15, 2013 Never forget, Sharks fans. And then never forget this either.   1. Slava Voynov If Tyler Toffoli is #TopTitty, is Slava Voynov #DeepV? Hmmm. — Protect This Throne (@ProtectThThrone) May 15, 2013 WHOA NOW! @protectththrone #DeepV twitter.com/EvaMarieAlonzo… — Eva Marie Alonzo (@EvaMarieAlonzo) May 15, 2013 Oh. @theroyalhalf SUP?!?! twitter.com/kateyberm/stat… — Katey Berman (@kateyberm) May 15, 2013   SUP, indeed.       PumperNicholl is a lifelong LA Kings fan and actually learned how to speak English from Bob Miller by watching LA Kings games... and the Police Academy movies. You can follow him on Twitter.
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