http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/home Recent sexdrugssportsorwhimsy Posts en-us DATELINE: HUMOR! Doc Rivers, coach of the Boston Celtics and friend of the coach of the New England Patriots, took in the Monday night game against the once-feared Houston Texans. Rivers was given the keys to the Belichick special box and also had an inside view of the game preparation by his fellow champion. Rivers was duly impressed at the team execution of what the coach requested. Rivers explained how much he learned from attending Patriot games. That may be why Belichick once asked Doc to lecture the football team on spirit and cohesion. When asked, Rivers unabashedly said that Rajon Rondo was the Celtics version of Tom Brady, equating a quarterback with a point guard for long passes. Whether he meant any additional connections was best left unsaid. No one asked if the comparison came about because the Celtics star, Rajon Rondo, had come to the game with Doc. No one had to ask Rondo if he thought of himself as the equivalent of Brady. Rondo, circumspect as always, kept his opinions close to the ves Tue, 11 Dec 2012 17:30:51 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/doc_rivers_pays_homage_to_his_fellow_legend_bill_belichick/12415273 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/doc_rivers_pays_homage_to_his_fellow_legend_bill_belichick/12415273 Doc Rivers Pays Homage to His Fellow Legend, Bill Belichick http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/doc_rivers_pays_homage_to_his_fellow_legend_bill_belichick/12415273 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png   DATELINE: HUMOR! As we watched the Boston Celtics come back after a one-point loss in Philadelphia to beat the shorts off the Sixers next night in Boston, we saw one front-row fan with his little baby boy on his lap. The toddler was wearing a Patriots cap, cute as a button, but we wondered what kind of idiot brings a child so small and barely able to stand to a loud sports game. We did our usual double-take like an observer in a Laurel & Hardy movie.  Yes, it was Patrick Chung of the New England Patriots.  There are absolutely worse things an NFL player could be doing on his day off before the big game. Heaven knows this week has been a nightmare for death and dishonor in the NFL. We have always loved the feisty and fun Chung. With a playoff type game coming on Monday Night Football, he is the consummate daddy.  The world needs more men like Patrick Chung. He was out on the court at half-time, his little son holding a big basketball, giving it reluctantly to Dick Bavetta, the oldest 'bad Sun, 09 Dec 2012 07:42:54 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/patrick_chung_poster_boy_for_basketball/12396547 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/patrick_chung_poster_boy_for_basketball/12396547 Patrick Chung: Poster Boy for Basketball? http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/patrick_chung_poster_boy_for_basketball/12396547 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png DATELINE: HUMOR! Leave it to those Red Sox to find a bridge to sell once again this year in Boston. They went all the way to Nashville before Christmas to find a bridge to replace the Zakim Bridge in fan hearts. Only Mae West could actually sell the Brooklyn Bridge, though Bugs Bunny tried. Larry Lucchino has bought the bridge year to nowhere again this season and will pass on the costs to the fans. He thinks fans will believe he is giving them the Golden Gate. Last year’s bridge seemed to go down like the Bridge of San Luis Rey with a bunch of players falling all the way to Los Angeles. This year’s bridge could be the Bridge over the River Kwai, which did not collapse, but was blown up in the ultimate gesture of irony. Latest Sox millionaire Shane Victorino will tell you that the River Kwai is not on Oahu. Having just signed Koji Uehara as a spot reliever, the Red Sox bridge begins to seem like the Bridge of Toko-Ri, but that was in Korea, not Japan. That one was bombed. The Red Sox will make this Thu, 06 Dec 2012 14:02:50 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/the_bridge_years_of_ben_cherington_and_the_red_sox/12378718 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/the_bridge_years_of_ben_cherington_and_the_red_sox/12378718 The Bridge Years of Ben Cherington and the Red Sox http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/the_bridge_years_of_ben_cherington_and_the_red_sox/12378718 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png DATELINE: HUMOR! Rajon Rondo announced to the Boston media that he spent his suspension time in Mexico. Though skeptics among the press wanted to toss a sombrero at Rondo and ask him to do the Mexican hat dance. Others expressed disbelief that he flew across the continent to find his own version of three amigos. Now that he has become an international jet setter in the mode of Fellini’s eight and a half, we wonder if #9 has begun to live La Vida Loca or the La Dolce Vita. Rondo, being a literate man, may have gone to Mexico looking for the missing author Ambrose Bierce who disappeared into the mists of time after his trip south of the border. Rondo may also be in the mode of B. Traven, the mysterious writer of The Treasure of Sierra Madre who lived as a recluse somewhere in the mountains of Mexico. If Rondo is looking for a place to hide from NBA fines and a place to spend his days out of the sun, he could not do much better than finding some sand and cactus in Mexico where he can live like a Tenness Wed, 05 Dec 2012 09:10:11 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/rajon_rondo_hunts_for_the_treasure_of_sierra_madre/12366799 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/rajon_rondo_hunts_for_the_treasure_of_sierra_madre/12366799 Rajon Rondo Hunts for The Treasure of Sierra Madre http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/rajon_rondo_hunts_for_the_treasure_of_sierra_madre/12366799 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png   DATELINE: HUMOR! Two years ago we called Carl Crawford, signed by the Red Sox as the reincarnation of Roman Meijias, the home run hitting bust the Sox traded for in 1962. We were so wrong. Meijias lasted two full seasons, not hitting and sinking slowly, and Carl Crawford was gone by trade deadline in a fell swoop with other malcontents. Now the Red Sox have revisited the glorious days of 1962 by signing a new first baseman (or catcher).  In the height of the cellar-dwelling Sox era, the team found the benighted Pittsburg Pirate Dick Stuart and brought him to Boston for power. Alas, Dick Stuart was also called Dr. Strangeglove. This winter season the Sox have now signed Mike Napoli, a stone fingers first baseman with ostensible power to clean up at Fenway. We loved Dick Stuart who hit many home runs and gave the team an off-kilter fun quality during a deplorable season. We’d be lucky if “Nap” can do the same. We surely don’t want Nap Time to be the emblem of the 2013 season. Dick Stuart la Tue, 04 Dec 2012 07:22:48 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/mike_napoli_the_new_dick_stuart/12357244 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/mike_napoli_the_new_dick_stuart/12357244 Mike Napoli: the new Dick Stuart http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/mike_napoli_the_new_dick_stuart/12357244 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png   DATELINE: HUMOR! When the ugly ducklings of the media pressed Tom Brady on his “ugly” win over the Miami Dolphins to clinch the AFC East first place again this year, Mr. Brady took umbrage. Brady, as fans will recall, was the sixth round draft choice that  turned into a beautiful swan prince once he started passing the ball in football games. Handsome is as handsome does, and like Billy Budd, Tom Brady has never done anything ugly in his life. The closest he has come is to sign a contract with Uggs, which is halfway there only in spelling. Tom makes Uggs seem like a misspelling. They should be called Beauts. Tom Brady knows beauty. Look at his wife. To suggest he would participate in a football version of the Ugly American is a disservice to hard-working Republicans who are trying to prevent the nation from going over a fiscal cliff. Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Tom told his press minions that his victory was a most lovely thing to behold. After all, Tom Brady will never disagr Sun, 02 Dec 2012 20:12:50 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/tom_brady_insists_he_does_not_win_ugly_games/12346063 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/tom_brady_insists_he_does_not_win_ugly_games/12346063 Tom Brady Insists He Does Not Win Ugly Games http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/tom_brady_insists_he_does_not_win_ugly_games/12346063 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png   DATELINE: HUMOR! Red Sox GM Ben Cherington did not do himself or the fans any favors with his latest in-depth interview with Boston’s ravenous media. Having been denied both red meat about the Red Sox and cream puffs to toss around, the media asked Mr. Cherington about the sounds of silence. The media is now in the final stages of living at Donner’s Pass. Next stop will be cooking up Cherington at the Winter Meetings on the Hot Stove. Cherington insisted that Nashville will provide some noise, a cacophony of movement among teams. He failed to point out that all the important players have been scooped up off the barroom floor. Grasshopper Ben insisted that he is on a long journey, like a leaf floating along the river, ready to hit the rapids before making a splash as it tumbles off the waterfall. Yes, his metaphor revealed the angst and unconscious mind that Freud always warned us about.   The Red Sox are a little canoe of Hiawatha along the rich banks of Gitche Gumee, all owned by John Henry. Sun, 02 Dec 2012 07:15:44 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/hiawatha_cherington_keeps_money_in_banks_of_gitche_gumee/12342094 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/hiawatha_cherington_keeps_money_in_banks_of_gitche_gumee/12342094 Hiawatha Cherington Keeps Money in Banks of Gitche Gumee http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/hiawatha_cherington_keeps_money_in_banks_of_gitche_gumee/12342094 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png  DATELINE: HUMOR! Who can tell them apart? Milan Lucic of the Boston Bruins isn’t playing hockey much this year—as he is locked out and forced to skate only in local rinks when he can find the ice time.   After Thanksgiving he found plenty of ice at a local watering hole where the ice remains in your glass unless you chew on it.   When Rob Gronkowski discovered he would not be playing much football over the next month or so, owing to a broken arm, he wound up in the same place as Milan Lucic.   No, they were not taking in a performance of the Tchaikowski’s ballet The Nutcracker. And, no, they were not in a police lineup.   Hockey fans must be drawn to Gronk who loves hockey almost as much as football. The Gronk was out celebrating the purchase of his new mansion in Tampa. Though hardly hockey weather, it is a place where athletes can gather. The house looks like party central.   When Lucic and Gronk were photographed arm in arm (with Gronk’s arm out of its sling), Boston’s two be Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:24:39 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/gronk_and_lucic_yuck_it_up_on_the_town/12312511 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/gronk_and_lucic_yuck_it_up_on_the_town/12312511 Gronk and Lucic Yuck It Up on the Town http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/gronk_and_lucic_yuck_it_up_on_the_town/12312511 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png DATELINE: HUMOR! Red Sox pitcher John Lackey looks like a sluggish starter on the surface, but his opulent home belongs in the world of Britney Spears and Jay-Z.   Realtor.com has posted photos of the mansion, now for sale for a cool $10,000,000 (that’s in the millions).   In the dugout Lackey does not look like a man who needs his space, but this hacienda style house borders on barn-wide breathing room.   As far as taking away breath, business and gossip sites have featured the dubious Red Sox starter’s interior decorating sense--or ability to hire one. People may begin to wonder why he spent the entire season traveling with the team on the disabled list when he could have been home in Newport, California, living [i]la vida loca.[/i]   The house looks in on its own atrium, and aside the house is not a mound to be found, unless you count the putting green.   With the Red Sox dumping almost as much salary as the Florida Marlins, you’d think Lackey would be worried about his mortgage pa Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:19:49 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/home_sweet_home_aint_boston_for_john_lackey/12312493 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/home_sweet_home_aint_boston_for_john_lackey/12312493 Home Sweet Home Ain’t Boston for John Lackey http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/home_sweet_home_aint_boston_for_john_lackey/12312493 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png DATELINE: HUMOR! The Celtics now lose by leaps and bounds. If Superman can leap over tall buildings, the Celtics found themselves playing like Clark Kent when he forgot where he put his cape. In a game where rebounds are everywhere, there is not a drop in the bucket for the Celtics. The Celtics had more kick balls than rebounds in their pre-Thanksgiving turkey of a game. Celtics seldom make passes to boys in green off the glasses. Rajon Rondo continued to be a one-man wrecking crew, but alas he has not yet mastered the talent of passing a ball to himself for the dunk. If Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett mail in the game, you know the Post Office may be ready to raise the price of stamps. When you play like a somnambulist, you may trip over the tryptophan in your shorts. If Courtney Lee passes the gravy over Thanksgiving dinner like he passes the ball, your best tablecloth will need to be hung out to dry. When the Celtics decided to waive Darko Milicic this week, we knew what ailed him: his poor mother was Thu, 22 Nov 2012 02:56:07 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/giving_thanks_but_no_thanks_on_thanksgiving/12272017 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/giving_thanks_but_no_thanks_on_thanksgiving/12272017 Giving Thanks, but No Thanks on Thanksgiving http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/giving_thanks_but_no_thanks_on_thanksgiving/12272017 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png DATELINE: HUMOR!   New England coach Bill Belichick held a press conference and announced he had not heard anything about Rob Gronkowski (his star tight end having broken a forearm). The Gronk, as he is affectionately known, had surgery at Mass. General Hospital early Monday morning, though Belichick seemed left outside the loop. This news may have sent titters around the media members present at Gillette Stadium, but it reveals a far more interesting insight into the coaching staff and chain of command of the New England Patriots. Now we can officially call them the “Know-Nothing” franchise. We suspect that owner Bob Kraft has yet to inform Belichick he has been fined for “Spygate.” Belichick’s professed ignorance is no excuse, according to many fans. If he pleads ignorance in a court of law, he might find himself convicted of perjury. Yet, we have a sense that Belichick tells the truth. No one has informed him that Pluto is no longer a planet, and that the Earth goes around the Sun. With Mon, 19 Nov 2012 18:25:08 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/coach_bill_belichick_trusts_pony_express_for_news/12252955 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/coach_bill_belichick_trusts_pony_express_for_news/12252955 Coach Bill Belichick Trusts Pony Express for News http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/coach_bill_belichick_trusts_pony_express_for_news/12252955 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png   DATELINE: HUMOR! Deion Branch has been sent packing by the New England Patriots, though some wonder whether he is packing his steamer trunk or just an overnight bag.  Fans may want to send up a red flag on the departure of one of Tom Brady’s dearest friends. It might be more appropriate to send up a flag saying “Don’t Tread on Me.” We have not seen Branch offering a white flag in response. nor an olive branch. Already once this season, Branch was dismissed from the team, though his locker was dusted every night and his uniform was cleaned and pressed by dutiful staff at Gillette. Belichick once again has put a message in a bottle and tossed it into Cape Cod Bay rather than give it to the media. The fan that finds the coded message will have better luck than the Colts. After Deion’s most productive game of the season against the Buffalo Bills, some fans may regard Coach Bill Belichick’s action to be heresy, madness, and the height of disloyalty. Since Deion may be suffering from a debi Sun, 18 Nov 2012 01:34:20 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/deion_branch_rides_into_the_breachagain/12239932 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/deion_branch_rides_into_the_breachagain/12239932 Deion Branch Rides into the Breach—Again! http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/deion_branch_rides_into_the_breachagain/12239932 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png Rajon Rondo suffered a sprained ankle the other game, but he missed only one game before returning to his magnificent form. Saturday afternoon, playing less than the entire game, he still had 20 assists. To what do we attribute the healing powers that Rondo emits.  Like some kind of god turning water into wine, he now can turn twisted ankles into pirouttes that would make Nijinski blush. In the old days a player would tape up his delicate ankles and hope for the best. The 21st century has changed all that. Rondo has found technology to embrace, or to embrace him. He sets his legs into a contraption not seen since the Inquisition in Spain several hundred years ago. Duct tape might have been the remedy of choice for the astronauts facing peril in Apollo 13, but that too was more than a generation ago. Today old fashioned “duck tape” has gone the way of the Hula Hoop and the Twinkie. Thanks to NormTec, Rondo employs pneumatic compression on his bony ankle that brings new medical miracles to a Celtic Sat, 17 Nov 2012 16:58:18 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/rondo_dismisses_duct_tape_for_21st_century_solution/12236914 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/rondo_dismisses_duct_tape_for_21st_century_solution/12236914 Rondo Dismisses Duct Tape for 21st Century Solution http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/rondo_dismisses_duct_tape_for_21st_century_solution/12236914 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png   DATELINE: HUMOR! No one on the New York Jets has ‘fessed up to putting the damnation of the gods upon Tim Tebow. A dozen teammates allegedly put more knives into Tim’s back than Julius Caesar received from his brutes. On the other hand, no one has come forward to say much in Tebow’s favor—except how bad he must feel. Feeling bad is nothing for a quarterback. Some are facing dizziness, headaches, and assorted confusions/contusions. Others yet are sleepless from stabbing dislocated ribs. If it were April 1st, we could attribute all hullabaloo as a joke, however punk in tone. We presume no one is more suitable to be punked than Tebow. Alas, it is already November--and it is not Sweet November for the Jets.   They are like a turkey ready to be stuffed on Thanksgiving when they play the New England Patriots not far from where the first Turkey Day feast took place. The Jets are already carving up their bird. If Jets players are to be believed, Tebow is the butterball—and won’t be the starte Sat, 17 Nov 2012 04:09:16 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/tim_tebow_leaving_on_a_jets_plane_for_the_holidays/12233878 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/tim_tebow_leaving_on_a_jets_plane_for_the_holidays/12233878 Tim Tebow: Leaving on a Jets Plane for the Holidays http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/tim_tebow_leaving_on_a_jets_plane_for_the_holidays/12233878 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png DATELINE: HUMOR! If it seems like the Boston Red Sox are asleep at the switch, you may be right. This week alone, the Red Sox ignored the sound of a tree falling in the woods. The Miami Marlins traded all the pitching and shortstops the Sox could have used to their next door divisional rival, the Toronto Blue Jays. Then came word that the Blue Jays had swooped down and scooped up Melky Cabrera. The Sox, desperately in need of an outfielder or two, were left holding the bag with egg on their face. Of course, diehard fans will point out the Sox robbed the Blue Jays of their manager not a few weeks ago. Others may note that the loss of Mike Aviles was not exactly an even bet. So the Red Sox continue to hibernate in the winter of their discontent. They live in a parallel universe to the rest of the league. In the Sox galaxy, being last means they are first in their Twilight Zone. By the time the great explosion of molasses settles in Boston, the Sox may find there is no one left to sign for a song. Then, a Sat, 17 Nov 2012 04:06:00 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/red_sox_beat_glacier_receding_to_north_pole/12233860 http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/red_sox_beat_glacier_receding_to_north_pole/12233860 Red Sox Beat Glacier Receding to North Pole http://www.yardbarker.com/blog/sexdrugssportsorwhimsy/article/red_sox_beat_glacier_receding_to_north_pole/12233860 http://www.yardbarker.com/images/yb_logo_square_grey.png