Yardbarker: Roger Clemens

McNamee Requests that Clemens Suit Be Dismissed

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:36:10 -0500

Brian McNamee has asked a federal court to dismiss Roger Clemens defamation lawsuit, or move the case to New York. The request to dismiss the case is the second such time that McNamee, through his lawyers have done so. In this instance, the request to dismiss follows the addition by Clemens of “intentional infliction of emotional distress” to the claim. McNamee’s lawyers say that if the case isn’t dismissed, it should be moved to New York due to many of the witnesses residing in that State. Business of Sports Network (http://www.businessofsportsnetwork.com/), which includes The Biz of Baseball (http://www.bizofbasketball.com/), The Biz of Football (http://www.bizoffootball.com/), The Biz of Basketball (http://www.bizofbasketball.com/) and The Biz of Hockey (http://bizofhockey.com/). He is contributor to Baseball Prospectus (http://baseballprospectus.com/news/?author=124), and is available as a freelance writer.Brown's full bio is here. (http://www.businessofsportsnetwork.com/index.php?option=com_content view=article id=47 Itemid=18) He looks forward to your comments via email and can be contacted through the Business of Sports Network (http://www.businessofsportsnetwork.com/index.php?option=com_contact view=contact id=2 Itemid=29).

Fantasy History of WHIP

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:30:21 -0500

The Fantasy Baseball Hall of Fame analyzes the fantasy history the WHIP statistic in the 7th installment of a series investigating statistical trends over the past 3 decades. Interestingly, the elite pitchers continue to improve their WHIP's despite the increased offensive levels of the 1990's and 2000's.

McNamee Requests that Clemens Suit Be Dismissed

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:15:20 -0500

A Memo from PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:25:04 -0500

To: All PGA Tour players

Re: Pee-pee.

Over the last several years, it has come to the tour's attention that no athlete, male or female, is completely immune to the temptations of performance enhancing drugs. As a result we decided late last August that random drug testing would be necessary to preserve the sanctity and purity of the gentlemen's game. To ensure that no one testee (he or she who takes a drug test) cheats in the benevolent act of giving away his or her urine, it has been mandated that tour member will accompany each randomly selected player to the restroom. We would hate for a doping cheater to pass a test with flying colors because he used a fake plastic penis and borrowed someone else's urine. We'd like to think that if Ben Hogan was still around today, he'd use his real driver to fill up a cup, not a synthetic whizzinator.

This past weekend in Bethesda at the AT&T National, we commenced the random drug testing with Charles Howell III and Davis Love III. Statistics show third generation athletes have a high propensity to dope, so we "randomly" stumbled onto Howell and Love. I'm happy to report that both men had warm, crystal clear urine that smelled of multi-vitamins, and appear to be abiding by all league rules and regulations.

In addition to PGA Tour testing, the women of the LPGA Tour and players on the European Tour will be tested in accordance with this same policy. This will allow us to maintain a global sport devoid of drugs, and solve a few mysteries. For example, Phil Mickelson. With tits like that, is he really a man? Some are skeptical, and a trip to the restroom with "Lefty" would end any and all doubts, even if it means she joins the LPGA.

Another example, John Daly. He looks like he's in his third trimester. Maybe that's because he is. I watched an episode of Oprah a few months back and her guest was a pregnant man. Perhaps a trip to the facilities with Tubby Fat-Tubs will prove he sits down when he pees. If our testing proves Daly is a man, it could still prove that his 8 month prego-looking gut is the result of excessive munchies due to marijuana use.

One other mystery that may be solved: Vijay Singh. Does he pee at all? We've always viewed Singh as a robo-golfer, devoid of any human attributes. He could very well be a cyborg; as far as I know, cyborgs don't tinkle.

For the skeptics and conspiracy theorists, we have ruled in favor of testing any player on the Tour, even if he is injured. We're confident someone out there muses that because random drug testing began less than three weeks after Tiger Woods' final tournament of the '08 season, the PGA has "forced" Tiger to go away for awhile and clean out his body. I can assure you this is not the case. It isn't a case of Major League Baseball urging Roger Clemens sit out two months to clear his body of the juice, or David Stern pushing Michael Jordan to retirement because of gambling problems - Tiger can be tested right now, at this very moment.

In fact, we think it might be necessary to test the players' wives. If a player is doping, odds are his wife isn't immune to a little drug usage, and that's why a trip to the john with Elin Nordegren-Woods might be in order.

Finally, for those players worried or concerned about the possibility of stage freight during the drug testing procedure, we have decided to employ virtual-golf fan galleries when requested. If Sergio Garcia doesn't feel comfortable relieving himself or is simply too self conscious about others seeing his Big Bertha, a Tour-selected group of fans will attend the urination procedure as if it was a championship golf tournament. Various chants and screams of "YOU THE MAN!" and "IT'S IN THE HOLE!" will be provided by our fan galleries, followed by a much-deserved golf clap.

When you finally land it in the cup, the gallery will rejoice. I promise you that.

Thanks again for all your patience and diligence in this matter. Because of your efforts, the gentlemen's game will continue to flourish as clear and pure as the urine you shoot.

--TIM FINCHEM--

Fantasy History of Wins

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:06:17 -0500

The Fantasy Baseball Hall of Fame is back, turning its attention to pitchers in the 6th installment of a series investigating statistical trends over the past 3 decades.

Clemens is Screwed

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 13:14:39 -0500

As reported yesterday by anybody who can still stomach talking about the McNamee-Clemens catfight, Brian McNamee's lawyers submitted syringes and other "steroid paraphernalia" that they claim contains Roger Clemens' DNA...

BREAKING NEWS: Syringes and Old Beer Cans Come Back with the DNA of Clemens

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:15:26 -0500

NO SHOCKER HERE: ESPN is reporting that the syringes and beer cans provided by Brian McNamee have come back from testing and show the DNA of Clemens. Whatever little chance Clemens had before is now shot. He is a liar. He is a a bum. Roger is so busted. www.bleedeaglesgreen.com

Bonds ball to the Hall

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:54:33 -0500

Should the Hall of Fame at Cooperstown really have a baseball with an asterisk branded on it in its collection? Probably not. However, the Hall has chosen to accept a donation from Mark Ecko and the Barry Bonds baseball, which broke the MLB record for career home runs, now has a place that all fans can see it. The question now… will Bonds ever be inducted into the Hall of Fame or will it just be his record breaking baseball resting alone?

THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF JUNE 22

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 12:00:15 -0500

by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation

"Terry Bradshaw". Just the name itself demands respect and awe from...well from someone out there, probably in McKeesport PA. The week kicked off with the word spreading that the legendary Steeler QB admitted to using steroids. However, knowing the impulsive Bradshaw, questions remained whether the current football commentator meant anabolic steroids, or anti-inflammatory corticosteroid or simply an aspirin or two. As we go to press, Bradshaw clarified the entire thing: maybe it was the anti-inflammatory kinds of steroids he said. Or maybe as Hollywood Henderson said "He can't spell cat, even if you spotted him the C-A". At least Bradshaw is still alive, which is more than can be said for many of his juiced Steeler teammates.

From off-track to on-track. The US Olympic trials continue in Oregon this week. The new track must be incredibly fast, because the times run there fall into the "simply amazing" category....or the 'simply juiced' category. As one writer asks: 'Can we enjoy track anymore', with the long shadow of steroid-use hanging over every race, and every record.

Tyson Gay ran an incredible 9.68, although wind-aided. A high school kid zoomed to a 10.01, the fastest high school sprint in the US track history; Jeffrey Damps will run back punts at Florida next fall. Women loved the track with 100M times in the 10.8 range. The women's 100M winner, Muna Lee, never broke 11.00 before her win in Oregon at 10.85. Mark Zeigler summed things up about the roid cloud: "Whether it is the Beynon Surfaces track or a sizzling generation of American sprinters or the gentle tailwinds or illicit doping rearing its head once again, the performances at steamy Hayward Field yesterday were nothing short of stunning." Track controversy in all race venues continued, even in the marathon -- Hawaii Marathon winner Ambese Tolossa found himself suspended for morphine.

One runner who will not be stunning in Oregon will be Justin Gatlin -- former world record holder and drug-cheat -- although not for lack of legal effort. Gatlin obtained a restarting order 10 days ago, apparently allowing him to defy international regulatory agencies banning the sprinter from competition. However the Pensacola judge reversed himself over the weekend. Nonetheless, Gatlin was back in court, this time in Georgia; that effort to subvert the anti-doping agencies ran aground too. Looks like Gatlin will be grounded this week outside the Olympic trials.

On the testing front, a new report on the EPO urine test cast doubt on the ability of anti-doping agencies to pick up EPO cheats. The drug, that expands the red blood cell count, was not detected very well by anti-doping labs. This is an unfortunate development with the Olympics only weeks away and the Tour de France days away, and knowing that drug-cheats like Marion Jones once used EPO to perform better. A huge drug bust in Australia led authorities to wonder if a big conspiracy was brewing to enable athletes to dope fro the Beijing Olympics this year too.

Intrigue surrounded horse racing again this week. Big Brown's trainer Rick Dutrow not only insulted other trainers, his horse was nailed with a high level of clenbuterol. This guys must be trying his best to displace Roger Clemens from the seat of 'silly steroid infamy' this year. One of Dutrow's enemy's found his horse with a high level of Clen too...possible sabotage?

Great one-off stories this week. Horse-steroid using bodybuilder Julie Coram (photo to the left) in Manitoba hired a New York lawyer to bail her out of the hot juice of a positive steroid test. Gold medal winning swimmer Gary Hall vented about 'roid use in Olympic swimming. The women running the 100M at the Oregon Olympics had traps like linebackers -- hey it's all good (Torri Edwards photo to the right).

New Flash: this just in, the results for the 2006 Tour de France. Floyd Landis lost..again. Everyone can quit holding their collective breathes (for about 2 years now). Later...

Joe Morgan Somehow Convincing Boston Fans He Played For The Red Sox

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:51:10 -0500

I don't know if you blame the submitter or the ESPN editors for this, but that's ESPN is showing that our friend Dr. Joe Morgan played for the Red Sox and that's one of the reasons they should win Titletown.

Submitted by bballerforlife34

Boston has to be named TitleTown because championships don't lie.....

....The Boston Red Sox have won seven World Series titles and 12 AL pennants. Whether it's the Babe, Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, Dwight Evans, Luis Tiant, Joe Morgan, Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez, Nomar, Manny, Shilling or David Ortiz, the Sox have always had some of the best players in the game and their world series titles show that.

I first thought he was referring to Red Sox Manager Joe Morgan, but the fact that he only coached the team for four years (signed by the Boston Braves but never played) and that the submitter referred to the list as the "best players"....makes me think it's our Joe Morgan.

I know he's involved somehow. Actually come to think of it, I bet you bballerforlife34 is in fact Joe Morgan! I don't know how he's doing it, but by 2015 we'll think Joe won 24 World Series, 13 MVPs, and 42 Gold Glove Awards.

Beantown is TitleTown (ESPN)

(Thanks to Greg for the tip)

Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, And David Carr: Take Meat Out To The Ball Game

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:29:01 -0500

The execs at H.E.B. probably felt pretty good about getting David Carr, Andy Pettitte, and Roger Clemens together to sing about taking their meat to a ball game. Fast-forward a couple of years and the commercial features a NY Giants backup quarterback, an admitted HGH user, and a probable performance enhancing drug user. That roster [...]

Vote for the MLB Short Bus Photoshop

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:48:01 -0500

The photoshop entry from Truth About It Dot Net for Epic Carnival's MLB Photoshop contest. Vote early and often.....

Attack of the Sports Monkeys - Revisited

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:33:35 -0500

In February 2007, Josh Bacott wrote of the most notable athletes walking around with monkeys on their backs, in a column that served as an immediate response to Peyton Manning's Super Bowl XLI victory. Now we revisit the list of monkeyed athletes to see how they're doing and how they've done in their quest to rid themselves of their most hated primates. We now join Bacott's column in progress, equipped with bonus monkey updates. Anything written in blue is from me, Imig. Non-italicized, non-blue is the original work of Bacott.

He finally did it.

Peyton Manning's MVP-winning performance in Super Bowl XLI this weekend finally enabled him to escape his most feared and unshakeable enemy. Even as he piled up yardage and touchdown records through the years, it latched onto him, following him around with an animal-like determination to prove that he could never win the big game.

It was the vaunted monkey on his back. And now it's gone.

The prevailing theme from over the weekend is that, with a Super Bowl championship to his name, Manning can officially be dropped off of the list of athletes, coaches and organizations that continue to wrestle with the proverbial primate stuck on their lumbar region. I'll allow Sean Salisbury to describe as he does with such eloquence?

"Well the monkey fell down to his waist after (the conference championship)? still hanging on a little bit. But now it's completely gone."

Congrats, Peyton. While I'm sure there were some potentially disturbing moments while the monkey was hanging out around your waist these last two weeks, we're happy you've shaken loose from it.

But don't make the mistake of thinking that simply because one large-foreheaded QB is free, that there aren't plenty of other people still battling their own seemingly unshakeable legacies. On one end of the spectrum players are dealing with individual accomplishments or controversy, and on the other end are entire franchises creeping up on 100 years since their last title.   Monkeys are attacking all over the sports world.

Eli Manning
Monkey on his back: His brother
Now that his brother is a Super Bowl champ, Eli will be toting around the burden of being the only Manning brother picked first in the draft who has not won a title. After this past Sunday, Peyton Manning officially went from having a monkey on his back to being the monkey on someone else's back. Frankly, with all of the home videos we've been forced to watch of the Manning tribe as kids, I'm surprised we haven't seen footage of that.

Seriously, when this column was written in February 2007, if anyone honestly felt Eli would have the monkey off his back 12 months later, they would have been stamped with STUPID on their forehead. Now that there aren't any monkeys hanging on Eli and Peyton, I wonder if it jumped to poor ole Coop. But if I have my wish, it's going on father Archie's vertebrae. I don't see Daddy shaking that one loose in my lifetime.

Marty Schottenheimer
Monkey on his back: Winning
Going into this season, the rightful owner of the title "most likely to choke in the playoffs" would probably have been a toss up between Marty Schottenheimer and Peyton Manning. Fair or unfair, they both carried the stigma of being unable to perform when it mattered most. With Peyton now out of the way, the NFL fans and media can focus all of their vitriol at Marty. As we saw after the Chargers loss to the Patriots in this year's playoffs, regardless of what happens on the field, any failure in San Diego will be deemed Marty's fault, nothing short of a Super Bowl will change that.

It was five days after this column was written that Marty was fired. Safe to say, the monkey is not only on his back, she's procreating with a male monkey. Pretty soon, a family of monkeys will be hanging on every move of Schottenheimer. Poor bastard.

Alex Rodriguez
Monkey on his back: Derek Jeter
It's not so much Derek Jeter himself that serves as a constant burden on A-Rod, it's more what Jeter stands for. The name Derek Jeter is synonymous with two things 1.) winning 2.) having sex with any female that he wants to. Meanwhile, despite superior statistics, the name Alex Rodriguez has become synonymous with 1.) frosted hair and 2.) shrinking at the moments his team needs him most.

Make no mistake about it, the monkey is still dry humping A-Rod's vertebral column, but at least for his sake Derek Jeter has gotten another dose of "reality". Just this past week, SI.com revealed a players' poll that named Jeter the most overrated player in the game. It's not a championship, and it doesn't rid Rodriguez of the monkey, but at least it puts a hose on the smoldering fire.

And yea, it's not a coincidence that for this specific retort, the monkey is dry-humping and the hose is being used on A-Rod.

JD Drew
Monkey on his back: Injuries
Drew, who just finalized a monstrous contract to play in Boston, may be the only player in the league who has a legitimate chance at hitting the 60 day DL due to an actual monkey jumping on his back. Nothing would surprise me.

He hasn't shook the injury monkey off his back, given that he was on the DL this year and missed time last season due to injuries, but he has made strides in becoming worthy of his contract... or at least closer to it. Even though he hit just .270 with 11 homers in '07, he atoned for all things wrong with an ALCS Game 6 grand slam.

This season, he's caught fire while David Ortiz has been nursing Drew's monkey on the bench; JD has one less homer in the month of June than he had all of last season. All told, he's hitting .318 with 14 homers and 44 RBI. Of course, the flipside to that argument is that without the month of June, Drew has just four bombs on the season. Plus, he'll hit the DL in the second half of the season for sore eyeballs or something minor.

Howard Cosell
Monkey on his back: Use of the word "monkey"
In an ironic twist, the monkey that remains on Howard Cosell's back - even post mortem - is calling people monkeys. In 1983, Cosell infamously referred to Redskins wide receiver Alvin Garrett as such when he blurted out "that little monkey gets loose doesn't he?" That brings me to another point - it's my personal opinion that the word "monkey" should be stripped of any racial overtones and given a fresh start; it has so much untapped potential as an insult. I want to live in a world where we can all be called monkeys.

Not only does Cosell still have the monkey on his back, society does as well. In an age where Johnny Miller is forced to apologize to Italian-American groups for stating that Rocco Mediate looked like Tiger Woods' pool-guy - a statement only meant to suggest that Woods is awesome and Mediate is Mediate - we're not any closer to the day where we can call each other monkeys when the situation dictates such. Bummer.

Monkeys
Monkey on their back: Humans
Imagine being the go-to species for a metaphor about something that is a constant burden or continually nags at people. And that's not even taking into account what Matthew Broderick's company did to them in Project X. If monkeys could have a monkey on their backs, it would be humans.

Still there.

Kobe Bryant
Monkey on his back: Shaquille O'Neil
When he and Shaq split up the dynasty they helped create in LA, Shaq promptly went down to Miami, teamed up with Dwayne Wade and nabbed himself another ring. In the meantime, Kobe has racked up numerous individual accolades including the second highest single game point total in NBA history, but he's got no jewelry to show for it. Unless he can lead the Lakers to another championship, Kobe will be lugging Shaq's presence around throughout his career, and not even his worst enemies would wish that on him. Even figuratively speaking, carrying Shaquille O'Neil on your back is a compound fracture waiting to happen.

Kobe came closer than ever to killing the monkey and downing it in the Pacific this past season, but in his quest, he may have done more damage. To a certain extent, Kobe's performance in the NBA Finals only fed to the monkey and helped him grow. He averaged 33.5 ppg against the Nuggets in the first round, 33.2 ppg in the Conference Semi-Finals against Utah and 29.2 ppg in the Conference Finals against San Antonio. But in the NBA Finals, the Celtics held him to 25 ppg. Certainly nothing to frown upon, but doing such on a national stage and coming out on the losing end may have done more for the monkey's growth than had the Lakers lost in the first or second round of the playoffs.

Rex Grossman
Monkey on his back: Holidays
How in the hell is a quarterback supposed to be able to concentrate when there are all of these God forsaken holidays during the season? Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve, New Years Day - they're all just excuses to get bombed and lay siege to the female population of Chicago. And you expect him to focus on studying film, learning plays and understanding coverages while all of that is going on? F that, man.

Rex Grossman sucks.

Barry Bonds
Monkey on his back: Acne
As Bonds chases Hank Aaron's record, it's safe to say he'll have no shortage of monkeys on his back. That other stuff you'll see on his back will be acne.

The homer monkey left last season, but the acne monkey, the 'public hates me monkey' and the 'because i'm a di*khead' monkey are still grasping Bonds' back. The only positive note beyond breaking the all time home run record is that Roger Clemens has surpassed Bonds in the category of biggest "steroid abusing baseball star-a-hole".

See there, Barry? It pays to leave quietly.

Chicago Cubs
Monkey on their back: 100 years of futility
One sure fire way to avoid serious criticism for your continual failure is to suck so bad that no one ever expects you to be good.   The Cubs have been getting away with it for close to a century. When it really gets down to it, the only monkeys around Wrigley are the ones who keep paying hard earned money to watch a team that blows year in and year out (see calling people monkeys is fun, especially Cubs fans). All that said, with the money they've spent on new players, this might be the year that heads roll if expectations aren't met. That means you Jim Hendry.

Add a "+1" to the above synopsis. The good news, though, is that the Cubbies appear to be closer than ever to once and for all disposing of the elderly monkey. Saturday's game was a prime example of their offensive firepower; lacing four homers and nine runs in the 4th inning. Jim Edmonds is hitting above .300 as a Cubby, proving that this season might indeed be the season.

Of course, the bad news is that 2008 is playing out perfectly for "another Cubby collapse". Bartman might finally get off the hook thanks to '08.

John Amaeche
Monkey on his back: Secret Gayness
Okay, so maybe Peyton Manning isn't the only one to get the monkey off his back this week.

It's still off, people - though we can't confirm that because we wouldn't truly know.

Other conclusions: Donovan McNabb is candidate #1 for having a monkey on his back who doesn't appear in this column. If I worked for ESPN and said that, I'd have been fired or suspended.

JSF Weekly is written by Josh Bacott. If he had a monkey on his back, he'd name it Ralph. E-mail him at josh@joesportsfan.com

ANOTHER ENTRY FOR OUR $50 MLB.COM GIFT CARD CONTEST

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:28:29 -0500

This latest entry is from The Daily FU...

Click to enlarge.

Think you can do better? Get your entry in soon!! Details here.

See other entries.

THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF JUNE 15

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:28:28 -0500

by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation

Here is something to get you up and going this week: Viagra as a performance enhancing drug, on the athletic field, not in the bedroom. Experts in athletic doping like Don Catlin suspected that sildenafil (Viagra) could be used to enhance physciological aspects of athletic performance; the drug increases blood flow to various organs and muscles. Word came out that multi-drug cheat Roger Clemens took Viagra when he took the mound -- pitching mound. Several media outlets now report on viva Viagra, which would not be illegal in sporting events at this point.

Sadly, PED or Viagra use may have led to the demise of a bright NFL prospect -- Heath Benedict. Benedict played college football for a small D-2 South Carolina school, however impressed NFL scouts as a top lineman for the 2008 draft. Benedict died at home in March. Autopsy revealed an enlarged heart, and drugs were found near his body. Two vials -- Viagra and Arimidex (anti-estrogen) and an unknown syringe lay beside him. Speculation centers on the role of toxic PEDs in the athlete's death.

An athlete might take an illegal drug, yet still be able to compete at the Olympic trials. That's what sprinter Justin Gatlin wants to see happen. Following a positive urine test for testosterone in 2006, Gatlin received 4 to 8 years suspension, depending on what agency ruled against him. Earlier in his career Gatlin tested positive for amphetamine, which he said he took for ADHD; however he served a one year suspension nonetheless. When he tested positive for the androgenic drug at the Kansas race, US agencies ruled the sprinter needed to sit out competition for 8 years. The Court of Arbitration for Sports ruled that Gatlin, once the 100M world record holder, should sit for 4 years -- 2006 to 2010. However a judge in Gatlin's home town of Pensacola, Fl issued a restraining order (against whom?) purportedly to allow Gatlin to run in the 2008 Olympics trials now starting in Oregon. More to come on this story -- which is to be expected when legal systems start clashing jurisdictions.

The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) long ago ruled Human Growth Hormone (HGH) illegal in Olympic type athletic events. That ruling never stopped drug-cheats like Marion Jones and Tim Montgomery from using HGH to cheat competitors. However, new developments continue in the use or misuse of HGH in sports. Researchers look for new biological dog tracks to catch drug-cheats. WADA says new HGH testing may be ready for the Beijing Olympics later this summer. And some even doubt HGH enhances performance.

Veterinarian medicine and drug cheating appeared bust last week. Horsemen appeared on Capitol Hill to testify about the doping of race horses. However, the main protagonist of the horse racing spring -- Rick Dutrow -- pulled up lame before the event. Nonetheless horse jockeys and horseman came out with a statement against steroid doping of horses. In a weird related event, two horsemen long known for their anti-steroid stance feel a colt of theirs was a victim of sabotage when the animal tested positive for clenbuterol, which neither endorses or uses for horses. The trainer -- Larry Jones -- trained Eight Belles the filly who died on the track after the Kentucky Derby.

The other event related to vet medicine occurred in Canada where Julie Coram -- a figure competitor -- tested positive for Equipose -- a horse steroid, boldenone -- along with other androgenic metabolites during an event (photo above). No reactions from jockeys on this horseplay.

Other women in the PED world news this week include several Olympic competitors who will be suspended for the Beijing Olympic Games (and here), and interestingly Greg Anderson's wife. Anderson, as you recall, worked as Barry Bonds steroids and PED source; the bodybuilder spent months in jail rather than turn on Bonds. However, as part of the pressure on Anderson to fess up on the career home run record holder, the IRS appears to be leaning on Nicole Gestas, Anderson's wife.

With all this PED intrigue brweing, Fox Sports came up with a list of sports Top Ten Train Wrecks. Drugs, including steroids look like universal currency for screwed-up human beings, including Jose Canseco. The could have losted Ex-NFL player David Boston, a multi drug, multi-PED abuser.

Lastly, the fake phallus with the bogus urine -- the Whizzinator made the news again. The downfall of one Onterrio Smith -- the disgraced Minnesota Viking running back -- the multi-toned custom-ordered penis facsimile to beat the dope testing made the news this week as competitors pull out all stops for the 2008 Olympic Games.