Yardbarker: Andre Carter

The Media Circus

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:59:16 -0500

When ESPN announced in October that they had ponied up several million to obtain the services of Rick Reilly, we paid tribute by highlighting one of Reilly's most impressive accomplishments while at Sports Illustrated ? racking up seven similes/metaphors in one single column about Tim Wakefield's knuckleball.

Now that he's over at ESPN, we wanted to check in on his progress. Seven columns in and we're only counting nine total similes and metaphors?

the game made him meaner than a dyspeptic rattler

is like rooting for the salmon to eat the bear

That's more one-sided than a Venezuelan election.

But it's like watching a thresher go through wheat.

start going through cash like Jack Black through the Keebler factory

They burn money like the Pentagon

Those are the kinds of guys who will suck up your dough like a street-sweeper

Where do you start in a place that has more history than Barbara Walters' closet?

He is more fun than a Dubai expense account

That's only 1.28 per column. Not worth $2 million annually if you ask us. So if the rhetorical tropes have gone by the wayside, what exactly is ESPN getting for their money?

Poems.

Hey, Simmons got a cartoon, why shouldn't Reilly get to recite golf poetry on TV? ESPN sure treats its columnists well.

Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth

"Ronnie Wiseman is an American Idol. He's handsome and charming." - Billiards 9 Ball Championship color analyst

For the record, Ronnie Wiseman looks like this, and our un-named analyst is a man (not that there's anything wrong with that).
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"His cue is slashed to the side." - Billiards color guy

Nobody likes it when their cue is slashed.
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"Dwight Freeney (is) the most game-planned defensive player in the National Football League."- Mark Schlereth

It's always a joy to welcome the Big Savvy, Mark Schlereth, back into the Media Circus - especially when he continues to create new categories for superlatives.
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"Everyone has to make a living man."- John Madden, on Frank Caliendo's Madden impression

In an ironic twist, Madden offered the same answer when asked what he thought of announcers with different colored eye brows than their hair who make sounds and noises and rarely speak in coherent sentences.

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"If there's one reason Tampa Bay is where they are it's because James Shields has allowed it and also the bullpen." - Eduardo Perez, Baseball Tonight

And if there's one reason we've chosen to pick on Eduardo Perez it's because he sits next to John Kruk and because he can't count.

Official Sponsors for Billiards Tournament Officially Out of Control

In another sign that advertising has a firm grasp of the sports landscape, the "2008 GenerationPool.com 9-Ball Championship" - which sounds an awful lot like an inferior college bowl game - aired on ESPN this past weekend, and with that showcased an array of sponsors that would make an NFL or MLB radio broadcast jealous. In no particular order, the tournament featured:

Official table Sponsor: Olhausen billiard Mfg., Inc.

Official cue Sponsor: Sterling-Fury Cues

Official cloth Sponsor: Sterling-Milliken Super Pro

Official Furniture Sponsor: Mikhail Darafeev

Official ball Sponsor: Aramith

Closed Captioning Sponsor: PoolDawg.com

Rotational Signage Sponsor: American Poolplayers Association

Rotational Signage Sponsor: CueSight.com

Hall of Fame Reception Sponsor: Sterling Gaming

VIP Reception Sponsor: Sterling-Fury Cues

Lest we forget the title sponsor, GenerationPool.com, and DELTA-13, the official sponsor of the GenerationPool.com 9-Ball Championship rack. If only we could get a sponsor pinned down for Janet Lee's rack...

Her pool rack, perverts.

Media Rant - Media Plays Dance, Dance Revolution while Watching Dirty Dancing

If nothing else, the mainstream sports media is enjoyable because of its shear predictability. Case in point the Dolphins trade of Jason Taylor to the Redskins, and the subsequent barrage of obvious one liners pertaining to Taylor's foray this past off-season on Dancing With the Stars.

In no more than five minutes, the Media Circus team discovered the following anecdotes from our online media friends:

"The dumbstruck Redskins didn't just need Taylor, they suddenly had to have the world's most famous dancing Dolphin since Flipper." - Don Banks, SI

"The 'Skins needed Jason Taylor. But if 2008 is his last dance, Alex Marvez says they'll regret dealing for the disgruntled Dolphin."- Foxsports.com

"Simply stated, at least Taylor has hope for a Super Bowl appearance as his NFL career winds down. That beats the alternative ? staying with the Dolphins for his last NFL dance."- Alex Marvez

"Jason Taylor is on the verge of dancing on over to the Washington Redskins."- Jay Glazer

"It's not abnormal to see Washington Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin cheering Gilbert and gang along or to see your new fellow teammates at a Caps game or two. Join in; it's not the dance floor, but the fans will love you for it."- Drew Costley, ESPN Mag

"Stay away from politics?life's confusing enough and you don't need any talking head analyzing how many dance steps you made with your right foot instead of your left."- Costley, ESPN Mag

"Jason Taylor can dance, but he apparently couldn't talk Andre Carter out of No. 99. So rather than have a dance-off for the right to No. 99, the six-time Pro Bowl defensive end, acquired on Sunday from Miami, will be wearing No. 55 for the Redskins."- Corey Masisak, Washington Post

"Jason Taylor Dancing With New Team." - Access Hollywood

Whether he's dancing with a new team, participating in a dance-off, or playing in the last dance of his career, it's safe to say Taylor will be missed by the mainstream media. We suppose Emmitt Smith will need to get arrested in a drug bust so he can dance his way to prison.

If that doesn't happen, it's more than okay to supply a joke about Johnny Castle. Man that guy could really move.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line

If there's one thing that Bob Carpenter loves, it's good neighbors. The world would be a better place if everyone threw out a 'howdy' and offered their neighbor a cool glass of lemonade when they saw them. So needless to say, Carpenter has always been fond of the famous State Farm jingle about being a good neighbor. Mix it with a snappy line and now we're talking...

"Like a good neighbor, Hank Blalock is there."- Stan Verett

Have cyber glass of lemonade and two thumbs up on the Bobber, Stan.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig. They swear this stuff is real. E-mail them at info@joesportsfan.com

Too Cheap Or Genuine?

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:40:55 -0500

There is no escaping the scrutiny that Jason Taylor will get now that he has departed Miami for Washington, DC. None. If he breaks a toe nail in practice, you can bet someone will know about it. During the presser yesterday at the Redskins training facility, Taylor talked about prying the number 99 from current [...]

Unit Analysis and an Eye Towards the Draft: Defensive Line

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:38:06 -0500

Three things the Washington Redskins need this year are defensive linemen, defensive linemen and defensive linemen. Why? To get a legit pass rush from the defensive line. Greg Trippiedi says players the Skins want might not be available when they draft, so they will go bargain hunting and result in an average unit.

Top Eleven Defensive Studs In the N.F.C. East

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 19:32:27 -0500

Here is my list of the Top Eleven Defensive Studs In the NFL's Best Defensive Division The N.F.C. East First Here is the list of Notables that did not make the Top Eleven: Roy Williams, Antonio Pierce, Bradie James, Laron Landry, Rocky Mcintosh, Omar Gaither, Justin Tuck, Sheldon Brown Before We jump into the Top Eleven be advised that this List was comprised of three elements, 1. 2007 regular season, 2. Overall body of work, 3. Last three Seaons Here Is The Top Eleven 11. Andre Carter 10. Trent Cole 9. London Fletcher 8. Gibril Wilson 7. Terence Newman 6. Brian Dawkins 5. Greg Ellis 4. Micheal Strahan 3. Demarcus Ware 2. Osi Umenyiora 1. Sean Taylor Sean Taylor was chosen #1 not because of the tragedy , but because he is a defensive player that turned turnovers into Touchdowns.

How Valuable is Andre Carter to the Redskins?

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 21:46:31 -0500

Change is coming on the Defensive Line, and to be perfectly honest, no player on it is beyond the danger of getting replaced. If Carter isn't a threat to improve on his 2007 season, and attack the passer with more consistency, not just against weaker tackles, he's no guarentee to play for the Redskins beyond 2008.

Friday: Week 10 IDP Roundup

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 13:58:16 -0500

Friday's FIO weekly fantasy football columns deals with those leagues that implement Individual Defensive Players (IDP) - co-founder & editor Matt Hinzpeter discusses some of the key defensive players to keep an eye on in Week 10. Check this article each and every week on Fridays.

Hog Wire: Clinton Portis' Knee; News and Notes

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 15:30:07 -0500

All the news and notes you need to know going into the Washington Redskins' week 5 match-up with the upstart 3-1 Detroit Lions.

The Fifth Quarter - Miami Dolphins

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 18:07:03 -0500

Shaun Suisham made a clutch kick in overtime that capped an ugly win by the Washington Redskins over the Miami Dolphins on Sunday. Ugly or not, however, the Redskins sit at 1–0, and if they continue to put away winnable games like they did yesterday, no one will complain – even if it isn't pretty. On to the Fifth Quarter rankings, which are based on a scale of 1 to 5 Quarters: For the rest, visit the link below...

Strengths and Weaknesses of the Skins Defence

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 02:34:59 -0500

DEF LINE 1. Ryan Boschetti: He will probably make it as a reserve can play DT and DE. 2. Lorenzo Alexander: He could make it as a reserve maybe. 3. Cornelius Griffin: Starter for Certain. 4. Jared Clauss: Played 29 games for titans why shouldn't he make the team? 5. Joe Salave'a: Veteran that can come in anytime. 6. Kedric Golston: Started 12 games I think he will start this year. 7. Anthony Montgomery: Big Athletic man he could get a reserves spot. 8. Bryant Shaw: I see potential. 9. Joe Sykes: Played in one game last year he will probably be a reserve. 10. Demetric Evans: Had eleven starts he will probably start some games this year. 11. Phillip Daniels: Played in all 16 games with 15 starts he will make it. 12. Jamaal Green: Practice Squad material if that. 13. Justin Hickman: Him and Alex Buzbee are probably just practice squad material as of right now. 14. Alex Buzbee: Possible Reserve but most likely practice squad material. 15. Andre Carter: He will make the team he started all 16 games. 16. Chris Wilson: Who's that? Maybe he has a shot. 17. Renaldo Wynn: He had played in 15 of the games last year he will make the team with out a doubt. Overall The D Line is amazing I give them a A. DB's 1. Carlos Rogers: Roger Started 15 games missed one due to injury, he will make the team. 2. Fred Smoot: Possible starter but will get playing time; I say it's between him and Springs. 3. Shawn Springs: Had injuries last year but will probably be spliting time with Rogers and Smoot. 4. Ade Jimoh: He will make the team considering he has played in 32 games straight with them as a reserve. 5. David Macklin: He had played in 14 games last year with the Cardinals he will probably serve as what Jimoh does. 6. Jerametrius Butler: He is a good Corner but injuries have set him back so he might make it as a reserve im hoping he does because I like him. 7. John Eubanks: It's hard to say if he will be a reserve but I think he will make the practice squad. 8. Leigh Torrence: Not sure about him they have so much talent. 9. Byron Westbrook: Now we just need his brother lol. 10. Brandon Register: I think he will get cut didnt do much in college. 11. London Fletcher: He will be amazing considering he was the best on Buffalo's D for the past 4 years where he led in tackles every year for the team. 12. H.B. Blades: He could possibly get some game time this year I like him alot. 13. Khary Campbell: He played in 14 games last year maybe he will be a reserve. 14. Dallas Sartz: He and H.B. will be great additions to the team. 15. Zach Latimer: I think he will make the practice squad. 16. Rocky McIntosh: He won't start but he will get playing time. 17. Lemar Marshall: He was a starter last year ofcourse he will make the team. 18. Kevin Jones: Practice squad this year maybe a reserve next year. 19. Marcus Washington: Starter last year and will be again this year. 20. Anthony Trucks: Practice squad material. Overall the DB's are solid and are even better then the D line in my opinion I give them a A almost a A+ Secondary 1. Vernon Fox: Fox played in all 16 games and will probably be a reserve this year as well. 2. Reed Doughty: Will probably be a reserve like last year. 3. Pierson Prioleau: Hes a good asset that will probably get lots of playing time. 4. LaRon Landry: 6th overall pick I think he will be a starter with Taylor but will there personailities connect? 5. Sean Taylor: He and Landry are very similar both aggressive lets just hope it doesnt back fire. 6. Omar Stoutmire: Started 9 games with New Orleans He will be a good veteran backup. Overall ill give the Secondary an A- because the starters are very aggressive and might be too aggressive but they could be amazing together. Overall the Defence together is a A they are one the best on paper but they just need to work together unlike last year having the worst but great talent.

Joe Gibbs: Good Coach, Bad President

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 18:34:37 -0500

The Running Redskins offers thoughts on a John Keim article, 'suspect architect' in which the point is made that Washington's "theory to trade the uncertainty of draft picks for the known quantity of veteran players" hasn't exactly worked out that well under Joe Gibbs. "The Redskins have traded away 11 draft choices under Gibbs. They have selected 16 players, with nine still on the roster. Of those nine, only three — Sean Taylor, Chris Cooley and Carlos Rogers — are considered full-time starters."