Yardbarker: Brad Penny

Hiroki Kuroda Is A Bit Of A Psycho

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 10:33:42 -0500

He's either a little bit crazy or he just really loves punishment. "Speaking of Kuroda's mind, Torre said the Japanese veteran and MLB rookie was rattled by his misplay, when he threw late to second base on a comebacker, but overall was more frustrated by his inability to do what he wants with his pitches. Kuroda was so frustrated, in fact, that he spent 20 minutes running wind sprints in the outfield long after all of his teammates had gone home after his Monday night start. 'I had to do something before I went home to relieve the stress,' said Kuroda. 'I was really frustrated and had to let it out. It's something I've done before in Japan. One time, I walked home from the stadium. It's not easy to relieve the stress after a game like that.'" There were 3 things that came to mind when I read this quote: 1. That is so Japanese. He made a mental error and didn't perform well, so he punishes himself by running wind sprints or walking home. If it was Brad Penny, he would probably just gorge himself on the clubhouse spread, go kill some animals in his backyard, and then watch reruns of 'I Love Lucy' with a tub of ice cream until he passed out in a sugar induced coma. 2. This is probably...

All-Star Break Awards--National League

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:44:09 -0500

It's that time of year, with no games to watch and no fantasy stats to rack up, when we are all Jonesing for baseball. To help us get through the next couple of days and fill the void, everyone likes to come out with their own mid-season awards. I guess I'll be like everyone else and do my own awards.

Top 7 :: Worst Trades of the Decade

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 08:10:27 -0500

With two huge deals in the National League Central this past week, the trade deadline has gotten some much earlier hype than it usually does. Both the Sabathia and the Harden trades have a possibility to become horrible for any of the teams involved?the Brewers miss the playoffs, Sabathia walks after the season, and Matt LaPorta dominates for years; Harden snaps his arm in half this Sunday. But the thing about most every trade that is made is that you really don't know how good or bad that they will turn out for, in many cases, years afterwards. Since the decade is already winding down, it is now possible to look back at the worst trades that have been made since 2000 in baseball.

7. Paul DePodesta's debacle, 2004
As a new GM and wanting to mix it up even though his team was in first, DePodesta traded Paul LoDuca, Guillermo Mota, and Juan Encarnacion to the Marlins for Hee Seop Choi and Brad Penny. The Dodgers ended up making the playoffs anyways, but this trade makes it just for its gratuitous nature and the fact that it severely pissed off the fans that loved LoDuca.

6. Cardinals/Angels, 2000
This has been covered before just because it's underrated how lucky this season was, but Kent Bottenfield won 18 games for the Cards in 1999?and no one can still explain how. The next spring, the Cards took advantage of that and an itchy Angel team to turn Bottenfield and Adam Kennedy into Jim Edmonds, who they promptly signed to a long-term deal and watched him become the greatest center fielder in club history.

5. Cubs/Pirates, 2003
Needing some extra pop for their 2003 run, the Cubs got it for many more years, getting Aramis Ramirez from the Pirates, who inexplicably still had two years left on his contract after the season. The Cubs also gained Kenny Lofton who helped immensely in their stretch run. They gave up Jose Hernandez, who left the Pirates after the year, Matt Bruback, who never has played in the majors, and a guy named Bobby, who was a part-timer for two years and hasn't played since.

4. Cardinals/A's, late 2004
In what could end up being a learning experience for the Cubs (Billy Beane calls offering a pitcher!? Don't answer the phone!), the Cardinals, needing another top starter, trade future top starter Danny Haren, good setup guy Kiko Calero, and prospect Daric Barton to the A's for Mark Mulder. To call it a disappointing trade for the Cards is quite the understatement. He played no part in the World Series that they won and may have thrown his last pitch this past Wednesday. Haren was one of the best starters in the majors just two years later, and Barton has hit the majors (though hasn't been very effective yet).

3. Mets/Devil Rays, 2004
Take your pick?Victor Zambrano or Scott Kazmir. This is similar to the Cards/A's deal, except Cards fans at least got a World Series since then and don't have to watch Kazmir consistently throw some of the nastiest pitches of the decade while playing for Tampa Bay.

2. Cubs/Marlins, late 2003
Hee Seop Choi hit .218 with 8 homers for the Cubs in 2003. The Marlins felt that was enough for them to accept him for rising star Derrek Lee, who had just played a huge part in upsetting the Cubs in the NLCS and winning the World Series. The next season, Choi made it just over half the season in Miami before being traded again, and Lee was enjoying another solid season that led into one of the best seasons anyone has had this decade.

1. Giants/Twins
Giants receive: A.J. Pierzynski
Twins receive: Boof Bonser, Francisco Liriano, and Joe Nathan

Brian Sabean must have been on crack.

The Top 7 List is written by Jason Major. He's pretty sure Boof Bonser has the best name in baseball. Email him at jason@joesportsfan.com

NL All Crap Team

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 18:09:28 -0500

Screw the All Star Game let's put together a roster from those that have been utter disappointments this season.

C: Carlos Ruiz - With a lot of bad awful terrible catchers out there, Ruiz takes the cake this season. He's hitting .206 with only 2 home runs in the band box in Philly.
1B: Todd Helton - His power #s have been in a steady decline for awhile but now he's not even hitting for average, registering in at .266 so far this season.
2B: Freddy Sanchez - The former batting champ is now hitting .226 with a .253 on base % and a .307 slugging %. Ouch.
3B: Geoff Blum - Not that surprisingly Geoff Blum hasn't been very good. He's hitting .219 for the Stros.
SS: Omar Vizquel - Old Man River has been basically the worst hitter in baseball history.
OF: Eric Byrnes - Captain hussle, has not been hustling too much with multiple trips to the DL and only 4 steals and 6 homers to his name.
OF: Andruw Jones - Whatever has happenned to ole Andruw Jones. No longer a beast, he's now a player fans are grateful to have on the DL and not on the field.
OF: Corey Patterson - Somehow still on the roster despite an OPS of .562, but mercifully relegated out of the Reds starting lineup.

Bench: J.R. Towles - Basically you can pick out any bad catcher for the backup position but Towles was the rookie de jour coming into this season and well he's hitting .152.
Bench: Felipe Lopez - A utility man of awful this season. He's mixed time at SS and 2B and is
Bench: Troy Tulowitzki - While not spending massive amounts of time on the DL, Tulowitzki is hitting under .170.
Bench: Khalil Greene - Hitting .222 on a team that needs hitting more than any other in the league.
Bench: Michael Bourn - His massive amount of steals be damned, the guy has an OPS of .571.
Bench: Wily Mo Pena - Wily Mo is having a major major power outage this year with only 2 homers while hitting .210.

SP: Barry Zito - Who wouldn't want to pay 200+ million for 12 pre-all star break losses.
SP: Brett Myers - So bad that the Phillies decided to send him to the minors to get straightened out.
SP: Ian Snell - Looking like an emerging young star after last season, Snell has an ERA of 5.88 before landing on the DL.
SP: Brad Penny - Formerly an All Star game starter, Penny has an ERA well above 5 and is now on the DL.
SP: Mark Hendrickson - The opening day starter for the Marlins now sits with a bunch of losses and an ERA above 6.
SP: Tom Gorzelanny - Gorzo was terrific at times last season. This year he has 7 losses and an ERA above 6.
RP: Guillermo Mota - Former Steroid User Guillermo Mota has been so bad the last month he's gone from closer to be to ERA above 6.
RP: Scott Proctor - The former Yankee who was abused by Torre, is now abused once again in LA where he has called himself out for being so terrible.
RP: Luis Vizcaino - He was a Type B free agent, meaning the Yankees got a draft pick for letting him go. Now he has an ERA above 9 for the Rockies.
RP: Manny Corpas - Corpas went from looking like Mariano in the postseason last year to out of the closers job in a flash.
CL: Eric Gagne - Continued his miserable performances with the Red Sox last year with Milwaukee this year.

The Dream Doubleheader…

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:51:27 -0500

A few of us on the Fan-Sided Blog network decided to ponder the best sports doubleheader… During a regular season game, the San Diego Chargers record 12 sacks against Tom Brady, who will miss the remainder of the regular season with a broken uterus, and shut out the New England Patriots 56-0. LaDainian Tomlinson pounded the Patriots by scorching them for 405 all-purpose yards, including over 200 on the ground. Philip Rivers lit up the defense, passing for four touchdowns, gaining 327 yards. He also ran for a score and drop kicked a field goal. Shortly after the game, a party bus took a select few to downtown San Diego where the Padres hosted the Los Angeles Dodgers for Game Four in the National League Championship Series. Joe Torre's boys in blue hammered the Friars 25-0 and completed the sweep, advancing to their first World Series since 1988. Brad Penny was nearly perfect, tossing a no-hitter, allowing only one walk. In the walk, Penny seemed confused as to why outfielder Brian Giles came to bat with his adult diaper on the outside of his pants. Catcher Russell Martin hit three home runs and had 12 RBI on his way to earning the NLCS MVP. In a rare twist, Steve Garvey came out of retirement and scored on a throwing error to first, second, third and finally home. After the game, Garvey ripped down his number from Petco Park, still confused as to why the Padres organization had it up there in the first place. It was one special day for the Dodgers. Check out what my comrades wrote at FanSided.com.

Midseason All-Demotion Team (yea the guys that need to be sent to the minor leagues)

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 07:34:30 -0500

In lieu of the recent trend of teams demoting established players (Phillies' starter Brett Myers, Indians' closer Joe Borowski, and young Braves' slugger Jeff Francouer -- even though Francouer has scored 40 runs, hit 8 HR, and driven in 41 RBI), we examine those players who have failed to meet expectations and would be well deserving of a demotion including "All-Star" Jason Varitek. See who else joins Varitek, Andruw Jones, and Eric Gagne ...

Dodgers are Walking Wounded

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:47:41 -0500

The Los Angeles Dodgers have been a disappointment all season. The off-season signings of manger Joe Torre and slugging outfielder Andruw Jones brought optimism to Chavez Ravine, but that has morphed into a 38-43 record at the halfway point. Torre has not been able to ignite a punchless offense, and Jones is among 10 players currently on the disabled list. Can the Boys in Blue turn it around and when will their wounded get back on the field?

Minnesota Twins: Buyers Or Sellers?

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:40:58 -0500

With just over 31 days until the trade deadline, it is time Minnesota figure out what they want to do. Should they buy and try to continue hanging with the White Sox? Or do they sell and build for the future, whether it be the near future or 2015? I say both. www.rawsportsblog.com

Break Out the Brooms

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:56:00 -0500

Thursday was a day for sweeps as eight different teams broke out the brooms against their foes. The biggest of them all was probably Tampa Bay which continued its franchise-best season by finishing off the Cubs powered by Carl Crawford. There are also some nice fantasy options in obscure places (BAL, SD) if you look hard enough.

Diamond Dames

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 20:07:39 -0500

Take it Deep: www.letsgodeep.com Diamond Dames It's easy to point your web browser to www.letsgodeep.com and find out who is hitting homeruns on the field. It's a little bit tougher to find out who the biggest slugger is off the field. Sometimes you'll catch a glimpse of a new relationship on SportsCenter. Occasionally Yahoo will feature a new fling. The Consigliere is here to really break down, who is "The Man" when it comes to off day activities. Russell Martin might still be making rookie mistakes, but he's also been doing some of the same things as his older teammates. Once linked to Brad Penny, among others, Alyssa Milano can now be found cheering on the young Dodgers catcher. The good news for Martin is that she's already had the tour of the clubhouse. And don't feel bad for Brad Penny. Eliza Dushku is keeping him busy enough that he doesn't have time to worry about his catcher and his leftovers. Everyone knows that Alex Rodriguez is married, but since his wife looks like a disgruntled department store mannequin, let's giving him some credit for his pre-marriage conquests. He may not have been the first one to hit a homerun in the ballpark, but I'm sure that ARod felt pretty comfortable at the plate with Jessica Canseco. The Yankee slugger has also been linked to Sofia Vergara. Her nickname is "Human Viagra", so I think he did okay for himself. We also have a few pool players that have managed to marry some pretty good-looking women. David Ortiz can be seen here with his wife Tiffany. Fellow teammate Manny Ramirez landed a hot wife named Juliana. Red Sox rival Jason Giambi also has a pretty lady in his corner named Kristian. Of course, we couldn't forget about the man that's always in the news. All-Time HR leader Barry Bonds has apparently met a new woman at the gym. It's rare that they are seen together in public but we did manage to track down one picture of her. All of the above-mentioned players have one very important thing in common. They all wish that they were Derek Jeter. When it comes to off the field milestones, Derek Jeter is a legend that will likely never be matched. His dating profile reads like a who's who of the hottest women in America. When Jeter was still a rookie is baseball, he was already a pro on the dating scene as he began a relationship with Mariah Carey. After he made his mark on the music world, he moved on to Miss Universe Lara Dutta. Pretty soon, it was time to try out the actress scene and he began dating Jordana Brewster, who co-starred in D.E.B.S with Meagan Good. Being careful not to stay in one relationship too long, Jeter moved on to Supermodel Adriana Lima. After things ended with Lima, he hooked up with small screen star Vanessa Minnillo. Why would he not stay with Minnillo for the rest of his life? Because he hit the jackpot and started dating Jessica Alba! While the Consigliere cannot condone this break-up, things did end with Alba and Jeter wasted little time before getting together with FHM star Vida Guerra. While Guerra may be hot, she can't live up to the standards of Jeter's next stop, Jessica Biel a.k.a. The Hottest Woman Alive! Jeter is no longer with Biel either. Idiot. His latest relationship is Friday Night Lights cheerleader, Minka Kelly. Now the next time you see the Yankees losing to the Red Sox and Jeter is sitting in the dugout grinning ear to ear, you'll know why. Alyssa Milano http://s05.imagehost.org/0674/AD651-Alyssa_Milano.jpg Eliza Dushku http://www.humoronline.com/celebrity-pictures/eliza-dushku-6.jpg Jessica Canseco http://www.theminge.com/jessica/Jessica%20Canseco%20nude09.jpg Sofia Vergara http://www.hqclips.com/sofia_vergara/sofia_vergara_005.jpg Tiffany Ortiz http://i.a.cnn.net/si/multimedia/photo_gallery/2005/07/12/allstar.party/ortiz.jpg Kristian Giambi http://www.mlb.com/images/2005/02/10/vglQK8vC.jpg Juliana Ramirez http://www.wagrankings.com/images/wives/red_sox/manny_ramirez_juliana_ramirez_wife.jpg "Her" (Bonds woman) http://images.usatoday.com/sports/baseball/_photos/2006-02-28-inside-bonds.jpg Mariah Carey http://papers.same.ru/img_papers/music/Mariah%20Carey_800_1024.jpg Lara Dutta http://utopianvision.co.uk/images/lib/1071/medium/lara-dutta.jpg Jordana Brewster http://www.celebrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/jordana-brewster-engaged-12-8-2006.bmp Meagan Good http://s01.imagehost.org/0388/Meagan-Good_nw39.jpg Adriana Lima http://www.girlsector.com/gallery/Adriana_Lima/Adriana_Lima_047.jpg Vanessa Minnillo http://www.citybrat.com/FantasyGirls/VanessaMinnillo.jpg Jessica Alba http://mimi6cu.free.fr/street%20dancer%20honey/jessica-alba-wallpapers-3.jpg Vida Guerra http://www.abstracthiphop.com/hip-hop-honeys/vida_guerra_on_floor.jpg Jessica Biel http://www.toplesscelebs.net/Jessica_Biel/Jessica-Biel-topless-0.jpg Minka Kelly http://espn.go.com/photo/2006/1218/pg2_w_kelly_195.jpg

Penny To The DL; Stults Gets The Call

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:01:48 -0500

Brandon Harris reports that Brad Penny will indeed land on the disabled list and Eric Stults will get the call from AAA. "Right-hander Brad Penny was placed on the 15-day disabled list on Tuesday, retroactive to Saturday, with inflammation of the bursa sac and mild tendinitis in his right shoulder. In a corresponding roster move, left-hander Eric Stults was called up from Triple-A Las Vegas. Stults will likely take Penny's next scheduled start, on Friday against the Indians." Even though he's been placed on the disabled list, Will Carroll of Baseball Prospectus has more optimistic news about the injury. "It could have been much worse; Penny had an MRI and...

Even God Hates The Dodgers

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:22:42 -0500

I'm absolutely convinced that God hates the Dodgers. Smoothly sailing through the first 4 innings, Clayton Kershaw was having another quality start in what looked to be a classic pitcher's duel. Too bad the rain had other ideas. Tied at 0-0 when God started peeing, it took Chan Ho Park less than two innings to give up 5 runs, basically sealing the Dodgers fate. Yeah, they made a late run at it, but it was another case of too little too...

Dodgers Finally Score, But Penny Refuses To Let Them Win...And Is Now Hurt

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 22:36:16 -0500

The good? Dodgers break their streak of 23 innings without scoring a run. The bad? Penny and Proctor got shelled for 11 runs over 5 2/3 of an inning, losing to a guy named Eddie Bonine, which sounds more like a porn name than a real one. The ugly? The Los Angeles Times reports that Penny is now headed for an MRI on his sore right shoulder. "Brad Penny, who extended his winless streak to eight starts in the Dodgers' 12-7 loss to the Detroit Tigers today at Comerica Park, will return to Los Angeles on Sunday to get his right shoulder examined. Penny will likely undergo an MRI exam on...

Van Gundy Has Lost His Mind, Talks Alyssa Milano And Haircuts During Game Three

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 00:56:21 -0500

The guy never ceases to amaze me with his rants. Game One it was making friends with the ABC camermen, in Game Two it was adding a seventh foul to a player's total, and Game Three it was Alyssa Milano and how it costs him full price for a haircut. Enjoy this spliced together clip from Game Three!

Mike Breen's chuckling at the beginning of the setup says it all. This guy's scatter-brainess is become stuff of legends. I admit it throws me off at times but as long as he's not distracting people with two minutes left in the game (*ahem* Kornheiser! *ahem*) then I don't have a problem with it. I also don't have a problem with him liking Alyssa Milano even though I called her first. Well technically Tony Danza, Carl Pavano, Justin Timberlake, Barry Zito, Brad Penny, and Fred Durst called her "first", but....ummm yeah. Nevermind.

P.S.- Michael Clark Duncan scares me.

The Rest of Your Game Three in Quotes:

"Terrible shot Luke!"- Jeff Van Gundy in his best Bill Walton voice
"It's your turn Mark, do a Bill Walton impression."- Mike Breen
"A Bill Walton impression? No thank you. You guys are better than that."- Mark Jackson

"Which in effect are saying Boston is not very good."- Mike Breen after a "Boston Sucks" chant
"Is that the Mike Breen remix?"- Mark Jackson

"Get up Bitch!"- Kobe Bryant after just about every free throw

"You want a term for indefensible? Right there."- Jeff Van Gundy while watching a replay

"Maybe they've gotta go to the hack-a-Bryant."- Jeff Van Gundy after Kobe's fifth miss at the line

"Do you know how many hustle plays Posey has had tonight? It's not going to show in the scorecard besides him being a gutsy player."- Jeff Van Gundy

Time to Cut Your Losses On These Pitchers

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:28:19 -0500

Justin Verlander heads the list of disappointing starting pitchers who have vastly underachieved this season, leaving their fantasy owners to make an important decision before it's too late. See which struggling starters who you should be considering cutting your losses on.