Yardbarker: College Football

Potential Notre Dame Coaches for 2010

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:35:00 -0500

I think we all know that Charlie Weis is getting the boot after this season because Jesus is pissed off with the lack of Notre Dame production and Jesus takes his football very very seriously. So whom will Jesus choose as the next coach? The amount of people available are plentiful. But the amount of people qualified are so few.

10. Bill Belichick
Qualifications: 3 Super Bowl Championships as a Head Coach 2 as a D-Coordinator, arguably the best coach in football history.
Weakness: Has he won a single college championship? No. And he's way way too close to the FUPA. He would just be FUPA 2.
Verdict: The Belicheat is out. Notre Dame deserves someone FUPA free.

9. Herman Boone
Qualifications: He's that High School coach that they made Remember the Titans about.
Weakness: Did they mention anything about academics in that movie? It seems like all of his players were pretty dumb. Dumb players don't cut it at Notre Dame, they need to be smart and win football games.
Verdict: All those High School accolades and no advancement to college or the pros? I question his drive. Not good enough for ND.

8. Brian Cowen
Qualifications: Taoiseach, essentially the Irish Prime Minister aka the leader of their government.
Weakness: Does this man not look like a complete doofus? There's no possible way he could lead young men on a football field. Additionally he just might be fatter than Charlie Weis. Notre Dame can't have another guy running around the sidelines with staples in his stomach.
Verdict: Not even close to good enough

7. William Wallace
Qualifications: Led the greatest Scottish revolution ever. He obviously can motivate. And he'd be pretty solid at intimidating his own players into playing well.
Weakness: Not Irish, he's Scottish.
Verdict: If only he was Irish he'd be perfect but he's not, he's a dirty Scotsman and Notre Dame isn't the Fighting Scots.

6. Barack Obama
Qualifications: The president of the United States of America. He obviously can lead men and give a good speech.
Weakness: Doesn't quite look like a football player. Always talks about how much he loves basketball and how he plays pick up games. I think he might be a bit wussy to be a football coach.
Verdict: Basketball < Football

5. Bear Bryant
Qualifications: Won the Most College National Championships of any coach in the history of the sport.
Weakness: Well he's dead. But Jesus can fix that. His biggest weakness is that he couldn't even get to double digit National Championships won. That's pathetic. Notre Dame is looking to win consecutive championships from 2010 - 2033.
Verdict: A houndstooth hat of green and gold would look quite nice, but he's not going to win 20 consecutive titles, and he's dead, so not good enough.

4. Knute Rockne
Qualifications: Won 6 National Championships with Notre Dame and had a career record of 105-12-5
Weakness: Dead and he barely passed the ball back then. Notre Dame is not going back to option football.
Verdict: Why live in the past? It's time to build the future.

3. Vince Lombardi
Qualifications: Arguably the best football coach of all time. Won three Super Bowls and more NFL Championships.
Weakness: Never was a head coach in college. Hist experience as a college coach was at the military academy. Would he be able to recruit?
Verdict: Notre Dame isn't just football, it's about football with academics with jesus.

2. Pope Benedict XVI
Qualifications: Leader of all Catholics. Probably would be good at communicating to Jesus and getting all of the favorable calls.
Weakness: How exactly is this man going to recruit the
Verdict: Notre Dame needs to recruit.

1. Jesus Himself
Qualifications: He's the Son of God, He can turn water into wine which would be very beneficial in the game of football. Turn the opponents gatorade jugs into highly potent alcohol and the squad should have an incredible advantage.
Weakness: Jesus has no weakness.
Verdict: Truly the only option. Notre Dame needs Jesus to coach this team. Any other signing would be a massive disappointment.

Les Miles Told Jordan Jefferson to Spike the Ball, Then Lied About it

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:16:49 -0500

We’ve already covered the Les Miles/LSU screw up to end the Ole Miss game at great lengths. If his mistakes weren’t enough, even google was picking on him calling him an idiot. But making matters worse is that Les Miles lied after the game, denying that the coaches instructed quarterback Jordan Jefferson to [...]

Too Easy, Drill Sergeant! Penn State 42, Michigan State 14

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 09:49:18 -0500

More photos » by Al Goldis - AP Zug levitates into the endzone for one of his two touchdowns yesterday. (AP Photo/Al Goldis) Browse more photos » Michigan State was doing something right early. The Penn State play calls weren't designed to pick up the blitz, and so when it came Clark was usually helpless to ward off an untouched attacker. It didn't help that Clark was often under center or not in a designed roll out. The coac...

Kentucky 34, Georgia 27 -- Postmortem

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:16:17 -0500

More photos » by John Amis - AP Derrick Locke with the go-ahead touchdown! Browse more photos » It's time to party, Kentucky fans! The Big Blue Nation has pulled a notable upset on the road versus a Georgia team that absolutely shot themselves in the foot not once, but so often that they were operating on one leg and a peg from the knee down. Georgia utterly dominated Kentucky in every respect e...

Rosy outlook for No. 11 Oregon after 2OT win

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:11:33 -0500

Jeremiah Masoli tied it with a touchdown pass to Ed Dickson with six seconds left, then won it with a 1-yard run in the second overtime as No. 11 Oregon defeated Arizona 44-41 on Saturday night and took a big step toward the Pac-10 title. The Ducks (9-2, 7-1 Pac-10) will earn a Pac-10 title and Rose Bowl berth with a victory over No. 20 Oregon State in a winner-take-all Civil War on Dec. 3 in Eugene.

Somebody get Shane Vereen an ice pack and a publicist

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 23:32:24 -0500

California 34, Stanford 28. Cal running back Shane Vereen may never be mistaken for the spectacular blazer he replaced in the Bears' backfield, Jahvid Best, or the thundering Mack truck on the opposite sideline tonight, Toby Gerhart, and may never approach the broad star power of either. But Vereen shouldered as many carries against the Cardinal (42) as any back in the country has endured in any game this season, for 193 yards and three touchdowns en route to leading the Bears to their bi...

Cal spoils No. 14 Stanford's Rose Bowl hopes

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 23:04:01 -0500

Shane Vereen ran for a career-high 193 yards and three touchdowns on 42 carries and Mike Mohamed intercepted a pass from Andrew Luck at the 3 with less than 2 minutes left as California spoiled No. 14 Stanford’s Rose Bowl hopes with a 34-28 victory in the Big Game on Saturday.

Week 12 postgame, the teams: TCU continues dream season; Sooners sink further

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:23:21 -0500

Sporting News' Derek Samson covers the best and worst performances of Week 12 in college football. Making history • No. 4 TCU routed Wyoming 45-10 to give the Frogs their first 11-0 record since 1938. • Texas Tech recorded its most lopsided win ever over Oklahoma. Behind 388 passing yards from Taylor Potts, the Red Raiders handed the Sooners a 41-13 defeat. • Temple, thanks to 156 rushing yards from Matt Brown, won a school-record ninth straight game. Heading up Northwest...

UConn stuns Notre Dame in double overtime, 33-30

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:44:33 -0500

Huskies running back Andre Dixon scored a four-yard touchdown in double overtime to hand Notre Dame their second straight defeat. Charlie Weiss is running for cover. The Huskies (5-5) had lost three straight painfully close games since Howard was killed. This time they made the plays at the end to win in dramatic fashion. Jordan Todman [...]

Ole Miss hangs on as LSU runs out of time

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:30:07 -0500

Ohio State's Kurt Coleman: 'I was just reading Tate the whole time'

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:58:32 -0500

Ohio State safety Kurt Coleman's career will culminate in classic Buckeye fashion. He picked off two passes in his last Big Ten game, a 21-10 victory over Michigan in The Big House. And his final college game will come New Year's Day in the Rose Bowl against the Pac-10 champion. Coleman spoke with reporters, including Sporting News' Dave Curtis: Q: What was it about the defense today, forcing turnovers in the red zone? Kurt Coleman: We had a motto of bend but don't break. ...

Kentucky @ Georgia: Abbreviated Look at the Dogs

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:45:16 -0500

More photos » by Wily Low - AP Will UK fans tear down the goal posts on an opponents field? Browse more photos » UK (6-4, 2-4 SEC), coming off a victory at Vanderbilt which secured the 'Cats' bowl eligibility, tackles the 6-4 (4-3 SEC) Georgia Bulldogs in Athens, Georgia tonight at 7:45 EST. Kentucky, hoping to improve the chances of playing a bowl game outside the state of Tennessee, haven&#...

Is Weis gone?

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:35:41 -0500

Weis may have coached his last game at Notre Dame stadium.

Buckeyes bury mistake-prone and bowl-less Wolverines

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:47:00 -0500

It has become routine for the Ohio State Buckeyes. The ninth-ranked and Rose Bowl-bound Buckeyes extended their dominance of Michigan with their sixth straight victory against the Wolverines.

Terps led -- for a moment

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:31:08 -0500

With Maryland trailing 14-13, receiver Adrian Cannon caught a swing pass, slipped a tackler and raced into the end zone for a 20-yard score on the opening possession of the fourth quarter. A two-point conversion pass failed, so Maryland led 19-14. Offensive lineman R.J. Dill cupped his hand to the ear hole of his helmet as if it to say to the Florida State crowd, “Where’s the noise now?” But, just like that, the noise returned. The Seminoles regained the lead on their next possession wh...

Wujciak keeps Terps in the game

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 13:28:24 -0500

Maryland scored an offensive touchdown. I promise. It was the first such touchdown for the Terps in almost eight quarters since starting quarterback Chris Turner sprained his knee in the second quarter against N.C. State two weeks ago and Jamarr Robinson replaced him. It was set up by the defense. The Terps trailed 14-6 in the second quarter when linebacker Alex Wujciak intercepted E.J. Manuel’s third-down pass and ran 82 yards to the Florida State 7. Wujciak had returned an intercep...

What Does Michigan-Ohio State Mean?

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:06:58 -0500

As recently as 2006, the Big Ten's two most high-profile programs stood astride the college football world. Each had a dominant, balanced offense, with NFL-caliber talent on defense. That Michigan-Ohio State game was a shootout that never really verged on classic. The Buckeyes won, 42-39, and completed an unbeaten regular season, stockpiling hype that evaporated in that season's BCS title game beatdown at the hands of Florida.That game was the high point of the last few years for both...

Pregame Cram: Can Cal slow down Toby Gerhart – and does it matter?

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 11:26:32 -0500

Inside the day's key match-ups. There's always the risk of getting too carried away by the last scene without taking the entire picture into account, but it's hard to classify Stanford's running game at this point as anything but "awesome," despite it being little more than "Toby Gerhart right, Toby Gerhart left, Toby Gerhart in their grill." Even before their breakout efforts against Oregon and USC the last two weeks, the Cardinal were averaging 205 yards...

Michigan-Ohio State Not All That Anymore

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:16:14 -0500

They’re putting a Michigan-Ohio State football game on this Saturday, right on schedule. The third Saturday in November, usually. You used to circle the date. Now you happen upon it, by accident... Read the full article on Bleacher Report...

Pregame Cram: Is LSU in for another McCluster Bomb in Oxford?

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 09:18:33 -0500

Inside the day's key match-ups. No offensive player in America -- not C.J. Spiller, not Toby Gerhart, not even Mark Ingram -- is quite as searing hot over the last month as Ole Miss tailback, Wildcat back, receiver, occasional return man, chef, art critic, stunt pilot and all-purpose bon vivant Dexter McCluster, who Rebel coaches finally set free to explode for 260 total yards against Arkansas, 203 against Auburn and record-breaking, 324-yard, four-touchdown display last week against Ten...

Tebow Farewell Tour begins with a glimpse of Gator life, post-Tebow

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:00:28 -0500

Tebow gazing from the proprietor of Tim Teblog. How well do you remember Florida pre-Tebow? In case you blocked it out, Urban Meyer was still dealing with the mess of the Ron Zook regime. Four years and two (possibly three) national titles later, we are within sight of the Gators' transition to the post-Tebow era. Tim Tebow's Florida finale is a play in four acts: (I) Florida International, this Saturday; (II) Florida State, his final game at the Swamp; (III) the SEC Championship Gam...

Hayes' Week 12 picks: Ohio State dominance over Michigan will continue

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:54:51 -0500

Sporting News' Matt Hayes picks the 10 best games of the weekend and throws in his upset pick of the week as a bonus. Ohio State 27, Michigan 14: This will be another Buckeyes-Wolverines game in the mold of yesteryear: Neither team can throw the ball, and one team plays better defense. Iowa 20, Minnesota 10: Iowa has gone from the national championship conversation to Capital One Bowl talk in three weeks. A win would significantly improve Iowa's BCS hopes. North Carolina 24, Boston ...

Carroll To Jim Harbaugh: 'I'm Not Forgetting It'

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:02:24 -0500

Pete Carroll guested on the (Steve) Mason & (John) Ireland show on ESPN 710 in Los Angeles this week. The coach attemped to hedgehis comments about Harbaugh’s decision to go for two with his Stanford team already ahead of Carroll’s USC Trojans 48-21 last Saturday in L.A.. But instead, Carroll let slip smoldering resentment. MASON: What [...]

Michigan Injury Report for Ohio State - Minor Out

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:20:00 -0500

Via UM Media Relations:Out David Molk (knee) Brandon Minor (shoulder) Doubtful (25 percent chance of playing) Mike Williams (ankle) Probable (75 percent chance of playing) Martavious Odoms (knee)Minor...out?! WOW. Star running back in his last game in Michigan Stadium and he's listed as "out" on the injury report?Now, granted these injury reports that surface each week from the athletic department are not always spot on...but "out" seems pretty definitive. That&#...

Put a Heisman in Stanford Back’s Juggling Act

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:37:42 -0500

Toby Gerhart, a senior tailback who is also a professional baseball prospect, has stiff-armed convention, critics and convenience while insinuating himself into the Heisman conversation.

Upon Further Review: Defense vs Wisconsin

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:57:08 -0500

Personnel notes: Smith replaced Williams for the whole game, and the linebackers were always Ezeh and Mouton. On (rare) obvious passing downs Floyd came in for Smith. I think there may have been a few plays where Floyd subbed in for Woolfolk, too. Formation notes: Michigan spent the whole game in an eight-man front; late they moved up Kovacs for nine. Video note: there was no HD torrent this week so the quality is poor. Ln Dn Ds O Form D Form Type Play Player Yards O...

So About This "Tebow Girlfriend" Thing

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:07:00 -0500

By now you've probably heard about the Playboy.com pictures with one Erin Drewes, nude except for body-paint of the Florida No. 15 jersey, complete with "Tebow" on the back.Drewes, of course, became Internet famous for the false rumor that she was Tim Tebow's girlfriend, after she showed up in a picture with Tebow.Bloggers posted about it, and -- thanks to that -- she became the default result when the curious would type "Tebow girlfriend" into Google. Which happen...

Names Of Players Who Complained About Mangino

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:57:11 -0500

Yesterday we broke the news that KU football players were complaining to the school’s athletic admin about Mark Mangino’s treatment of them - and how AD Lew Perkins threw Mangino under the bus. We haven’t known the players who complained, until now. Share This

Mangino On The Brink Of Being Fired By Kansas

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:45:34 -0500

Earlier today, we got word that some KU football players, past and present, were meeting with Kansas Athletic Director Lew Perkins to discuss the coaching methods of Mark Mangino. Mangino then met with Perkins who told him that the school is bringing in an “unbiased” consultant to evaluate the football program. Mangino maintained to the media that [...]

The BCS Has Its New Fall Guy

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:15:00 -0500

In life, timing is everything. With the college football season nearing its end making way for the annual bashing of who should get the nod for the BCS title game, the time is ripe to bring in someone to absorb the bashing. Enter the new BCS executive director fall guy, Bill Hancock. If your memory serves you well, you'll remember we discussed the possibility of the BCS creating such a position less than a month ago. And at that point, it was just a mere consideration. But with Florida, ...