Yardbarker: College Football

Balmer Signs, 5 Years, 11.5 Million

USC Trojans — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:14:11 -0500

If he don't play the game funny, he'll be worth the money. But, don't get it twisted, he's no Michael Carter. They got him cheap.

Destined To Fail? Five Teams With Harvey Dent Potential

Clemson Tigers — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:05:39 -0500

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain -- Harvey Dent Anyone who's seen The Dark Knight (if not: run, don't walk) knows which ultimate path Gotham's golden boy district attorney took. Like Dent, the college football preseason is full of hope and potential and everybody has also got the potential to leave casualties (i.e. crushed fans in their wake). With that, here are the five teams that have the most Dent-like promise to both entice and ultimately devastate -- though they're sure to avoid his biggest deficiency: falling for Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Don't You Just Hate Those Guys that Show Up the the Party Uninvited?

Central Michigan Chippewas — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:53:24 -0500

Two years ago it was Boise State. Last year App State. At least once a season a small time school busts onto the scene in a big way. They disrupt the college football landscape. Band wagoners come out of the wood-work and buy up every available jersey and hat they can buy. So who is it going to be this year?

Drunken Rampage in PSU Football Building

Penn State Nittany Lions — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:43:04 -0500

You can't make this stuff up. Apparently, some moron ransacked the Lasch Building the night he turned 21. Ah, these kids. Can't they hold their alcohol anymore? From the Daily Collegian: "A student is facing various charges after police said he entered the Lasch Football Building on Thursday morning and caused $5,000 worth of damage -- all while wearing a Penn State football helmet. Daniel J. Costenbader (junior-electrical engineering), who turned 21 today, was arraigned on charges of burglary, criminal trespass, criminal mischief, theft by unlawful taking, receiving stolen property and public drunkenness before Magisterial District Justice Carmine Prestia, according to court documents. He was released on $50,000 unsecured bail." Well, at least the kid's got team spirit, and originality, wearing that Penn State helmet. After all, we wouldn't want a promising young engineering student like that hurting his head, now would we?

Black College Football Approval Ratings - Bowie State University

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:07:08 -0500

Bowie State University was middle of the pack statistically in the CIAA 2007 season, yet they only yielded a 3-7 record. They have been at the bottom and the top of the conference in recent years, so the question is where will they rank in 2008?

Some People Just Won't Let a Bad Thing Diea??

Tennessee Volunteers — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:58:46 -0500

As 3SIB noted earlier today, the "Bama Boys" are at it again. The Knoxville News-Sentinel and Tuscaloosa News are both reporting that Coach Phillip Fulmer was served with a deposition subpoena while attending the SEC Media Days in Birmingham earlier today by attorneys representing disgruntled ex-Alabama booster Wendell Smith in his defamation and libel suit against the NCAA.

Fulmer Claims He Wasn't Served a Subpeona

Tennessee Volunteers — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:38:40 -0500

Tennessee Volunteers head coach Phil Fulmer, attending the SEC Media Days in Birmingham, told a group of reporters he did not receive a subpoena to give a deposition in the case involving a libel suit filed by former Alabama booster Robert Wendell Smith.

CFP Predicts Buckeye's over Dawgs in NC game and other major bowls

USC Trojans — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:53:34 -0500

Now i know you can only take this things with a grain of salt because its pre-season but Ohio State not losing a a NC to an SEC team is hard to belive (just kidding Buckeye fans) NC game: Ohio State vs. Georgia Rose Bowl: USC vs. Wisconsin Sugar: WVU vs. Oregon (really really?) Fiesta: BYU vs Kansas (really really?) Orange: Florida vs VT I think that only the orange rose and NC are possible but Fiesta and Sugar are ridiculous. Oregon is reloading and Kansas was a one-year wonder. Want some thoughts from the yard...

Mountain West Conference Football Media Day

Utah Running Utes — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:40:10 -0500

We all know football season is close when media day arrives. There usually is not much news just the same old coach speak about one game at a time bla, bla bla stuff. Each coach was interviewed by a local radio station and I will post that once it is available on their site. Also, to view all of the podium interviews by coaches, players and Commissioner Craig Thompson go to the offical MWC media day web site. Also this season marks the 10th anniversary of the Mountain West Conference, when they broke away from the 16 team Western Athletic Conference that was a miserable failure, and then added TCU in 2005. The news that comes out is the preseason all conference teams and the league order of finish. Looks like there is a tier system with the league split into thirds. I am not giving any clues about my order of finish, which I will start presenting starting in August. To me Colorado State and Air Force should be switched, Air Force only returns three offensive starters and will struggle. As for the Rams they will have one of the leagues best running back duo in Kyle Bell and Gatrell Johnosn III that should challenge the Utes and BYU for best two back program, plus Kory Sperry who had an season ending knee injury was a huge play making tight end and will help ease in the new quarterback at Fort Collins. 2008 Mountain West Conference Preseason Football Poll Rk. Team (first place votes) Points 1. BYU (29) 299 2. Utah (5) 274 3. TCU 239 4. New Mexico 197 5. Wyoming 156 6. Air Force 141 7. San Diego State 92 8. Colorado State 73 9. UNLV 59 Below is the preseason all conference team listed below. 2008 Preseason All-Mountain West Football Team Position Student-Athlete Class School OFFENSE WR Austin Collie** Jr. BYU WR Ryan Wolfe Jr. UNLV OL Nick Charles** Jr. Air Force OL Ray Feinga* Sr. BYU OL Dallas Reynolds* Sr. BYU OL Blake Schlueter** Sr. TCU OL Robert Conley** Sr. Utah TE Dennis Pitta* Jr. BYU QB Max Hall* Jr. BYU RB Harvey Unga** So. BYU RB Rodney Ferguson* Sr. New Mexico DEFENSE DL Jan Jorgensen* Jr. BYU DL Paul Kruger So. Utah DL John Fletcher** Jr. Wyoming DL/LB Ryan Kemp Sr. Air Force LB Ward Dobbs** Sr. Wyoming LB Russell Allen Sr. San Diego State LB Jason Phillips** Sr. TCU DB Brice McCain** Sr. Utah DB DeAndre Wright* Sr. New Mexico DB Stephen Hodge** Sr. TCU DB Robert Johnson Jr. Utah SPECIALISTS P Louie Sakoda* Sr. Utah PK Louie Sakoda** Sr. Utah Ret. Devin Moore Sr. Wyoming Offensive Player of the Year: Max Hall, Jr., QB, BYU Defensive Player of the Year: Jason Phillips, Sr., LB, TCU Special Teams Player of the Year: Louie Sakoda, Sr., PK/P, Utah Freshman of the Year: Braylon Broughton, DE, TCU

2008 CIAA Football Pre-Season Honors

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:39:36 -0500

Virginia Union University and Shaw University are the favorites for the 2008 CIAA football crown. They were the champions of the Eastern and Western divisions in 2007, and produced one of the greatest conference championship games in modern history.

UNC Gridiron breakdown: Getting to know Rutgers

Rutgers Scarlet Knights — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:55:28 -0500

I guess as the season comes closer and closer it is now time to begin talking about the opponents of the Tar Heels. I am going to respectfully skip McNeese State, as it is a Division IAA, err, a Football Championship Subdivision, team and I am not going to find much about them, and I know even less of that team. So I will begin with the second game of the season against Rutgers.

Wide Receivers: This Year We Actually Have Some

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:54:43 -0500

Inside Iowa's WR group for the next fall.

UNC vs Appalachian State, not quite yet!

North Carolina Tar Heels — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:23:09 -0500

A little blog caught my eye as I was reading around the ACC blogosphere. It talks about the Appalachian State head coach wanting to play North Carolina. Even stating that coach Jerry Moore has tried to schedule the Tar Heels in his schedule and that Carolina has "balked" at it.

Tebow Talks Playboy On The Dan Patrick Show

Tim Tebow — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:03:45 -0500

The folks at DanPatrick.com were nice enough to pass along this clip of Tebow talking about his decision not to be a part of Playboy's All American Team. There's nothing really new to add (he thinks it's not for him, image stuff, blah blah blah), I thought I'd throw it up anyway.

Good follow up by Dan there, and for trying to get something out of him, but this kid isn't budging. If you've seen him this offseason, the guy has more prepared answers than Erin Andrews at this point. Not a bad thing, and good for him for having morals, but things have gone down hill since that pic in the video was found. Oh well.

Tim Tebow Interview (DanPatrick.com)

Previewing New Mexico's Opponents: University of Arizona Wildcats

Arizona Wildcats — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:11:26 -0500

The Lobos take on their second non conference opponent from a BCS conference in the Arizona Wildcats. Arizona has yet to take the next leap to excellence with Mik e Stoops as head coach, and in his previous four years the Wildcats have a record of 17-29 and his best record was 6-6. This has to be the make or break year for Stoops to see if he can turn Arizona into at least a bowl team in Tucson. This would be the the last non conference game, and the toughest for Arizona, prior to this game the play two home games agaisnt Toledo and Idaho before making the trip to New Mexico. The Wildcats should be 2-0 and have their team rolling with confidence. Offense: The star on the offense is Willie Tuitama who is a Senior and has lived up to most of the promise, but the wins have yet to come his way. Last year Tuitama had 3,683 yards passing, 28 touchdowns, and 12 picks. Also, Tuitama is on the Davey O'Brien watch list. If Arizona finishes in the upper tier of the conference standings, look for Tuitama to challenge for Pac-10 Offensive Player of the Year honors, and also if he stays injury free which last year was his first. The Wildcats are returning ten offensive starters, so their offense should improve and be able to score points on most teams in the Pac-10. To do that the running game must improve, becasue last season Arizona rushed for 961 yards per game. That total not only ranked last in the Pac-10 by more than 400 yards, six different individual players rushed for more yards, including a quarterback, Washington's Jake Locker Sophomore Nic Grigsby should be the main back, last year he had 704 yards and two scores and also caught 35 passes for 200 yards and two touchdowns. The running game is key to make this spread option work effectively. If they can improve this at any rate then Arizona should be able to get to a bowl game this year. Their receiving corp should be one of the best in the country and that should make their passing game even more potent then last year. They return four wide receivers that caught at least 20 passes last season, including All-Pac-10 candidate Mike Thomas. The senior hauled in 83 passes for 1,038 yards and 11 scores in 2007, so the Lobos better be aware of the passing game. Obviously this is their strength, but unless the running game gets some teeth the Wildcats will be average at best. Defense: The defense which was suppose to be the star of the team, but between 2006 and 2007 the defense went south in a hurry and gave up 26.8 per game, but some how only gave up 20 to USC. The defense only brings back three starters, but two of those are safties, Cam Nelson and Nate Ness, which should be the best of the defense. The front seven was terrible last year, even though there were three players drafted in the NFL. The whole front will be a work in progress, and Stoops who is considered a great defensive mind should be able to get this unit in shape. The defensive ends do have experience with players who played significant time with Johnathan Turner and sophomore Ricky Elmore who both played in all twelve games. The New Mexico offense will be the toughest Arizona sees in the young season, and could cause trouble for Arizona. Early Prediction: I hate to be a homer for the league, but the facts are proof with New Mexico having their strength in running back Rodney Ferguson going against the weakness of Arizona in their front seven. Last year New Mexico won 29-27 on the road, and also consider that New Mexico will be playing their third straight home game and against tough competition by playing TCU and Texas A&M. Look for New Mexico to pull this out at home in a similar game like last year.

Heisman Watch: Chase Daniel

Missouri Tigers — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:58:07 -0500

The Big 12's reigning offensive player of the year returns for his final season in Columbia. And if the Tigers match or surpass their success from a season ago, Chase Daniel will likely be making another trip to New York for the Heisman Trophy ceremony.

More lines released for PSU/Big Ten

Penn State Nittany Lions — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:50:54 -0500

In addition to the three lines released earlier this week--Oregon St. (-2.72), Syracuse (-25.74), and Temple (-15.04)--CollegeFootballPoll.com posted today the remaining lines for Penn State and the Big Ten. It really shouldn't be much of a surprise to fans that CFP is predicting Penn State to finish at 10-2. However, with Wisconsin slated to finish second--Ohio State is first--this would relegate the Lions to the Capital One Bowl. Basically, this entire season could come down to the October matchup with the Badgers, in Madison. Talk about must-see TV.

Fourth-Round Pick OL Wallace Signs Deal

Cody Wallace — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:06:04 -0500

With the opening of training camp today, the 49ers signed another one of their recent draft picks – offensive lineman Cody Wallace. Terms of the deal were not disclosed. The 6-foot-4, 300-pound Wallace was taken in the fourth-round of last April's draft out of Texas A&M. According to the 49ers' web-site, Wallace served as the Aggies' team captain and started 13 games, earning All-Big 12 Conference honors. His signing comes a day after the 49ers signed third-round draft pick – cornerback Reggie Smith. The 6-foot-1, 200-pound Smith was the 75th overall selection in April's draft out of the University of Oklahoma. He started 36 of the 39 games he played in, earning "first team" All-Big 12 Conference honors in his junior season. Only defensive tackle Kentwan Balmer, a first-round pick, remains unsigned.

Coaching Approval Ratings: Bobby Petrino

Arkansas Razorbacks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:12:13 -0500

There's no denying that two of the most talked about college football coaches in the nation this off season have been Rich Rodriguez and Bobby Petrino. Both have new jobs and left their previous jobs under much scrutiny. So early on - do you approve or disapprove of Coach Petrino? Let me give you some information.

Ohio State's Clifford being released

Ohio State Buckeyes — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 07:52:42 -0500

This was going to eventually happen. He had 3 incidents total. The bar fight a month ago pretty much iced up his stay in Coulmbus.

My choice for the next SU head coach

East Carolina Pirates — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:49:47 -0500

A while back I had begun to read about what if Greg Robinson was gone. Many gave their opinion, and now I am going to give mine. I'm going to start off by saying that the head coach I am choosing is someone I have watched over the years, since being a Tar Heel (for those of you didn't know that), I see a lot of games in "Carolina". Who am I talking about? Skip Holtz, the son of ESPN's analyst Lou Holtz, and the current head coach of East Carolina.

2008 SWAC Football Pre-Season Honors

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 06:46:05 -0500

Jackson State was selected the pre-season favorite in the Eastern Division and Grambling State was chosen to pace the Western Division. In total first and second team selections, Alabama A&M and Southern are tied with nine players each. Jackson State is second with seven, and Grambling placed third with six.

Unverified Voracity Might Be Set Upon

Marques Slocum — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 03:02:50 -0500

I'm in Chicago. I'm going to go to the Big Ten Media Hootenanny and see if I get kicked out or stabbed or something. If I don't I hope to ask Joe Tiller "if there's a gentleman's agreement amongst Big Ten teams not to recruit each other's verbal commitments, how did Michigan State commit Garrett Bushong end up signing with Purdue?"

After his head explodes I'll try to get up a post in the afternoon.

For now, links and such.

Adieu. Michigan's put out the fall roster; Marques Slocum is not on it. There are no other unexpected departures.

No. I don't know the female t-shirt model's name. Or her phone number.

What? Speaking of Tiller, I ran across this article from a few days ago in a Wyoming paper on the Big Ten's most walrusy coach:

"But since I've announced my retirement, it's amazing to me how many people come up and thank me and say they're appreciative. I'm thinking, 'Where were they a year ago when the bloggers were nailing me for losing to Michigan in Ann Arbor?'"

No offense to the two burgeoning Purdue blogs Off The Tracks and Boiled Sports, but they were probably sitting around being totally unaware of the internet firestorm raging inside their computers, just like the great majority of Michigan fans assume you had heat stroke you said "great game from Tacopants today."

Is this a good deal? Alabama and Clemson are opening the season in Atlanta. Kudos to them; the trend of moving football games off campus is far less annoying than the one in which no one plays anyone. But I wonder if it's worth it:

Alabama and Clemson will reportedly earn nearly $2 million apiece for their season-opening matchup in Atlanta.

Quick calculation suggests that $4 million divided by 90k (the approximate capacity of Bryant-Denny) is about 44 bucks, and we know that on average SEC tickets go for well more than that. So why not just have a home-and-home?

Diaries. SpartanNation drops in and gives us a taste of what we have coming; it's ugly. Chrisgocomment provides some further perspective on Carr's career. And wolvrine32 lists Michigan Commandments that Rich Rodriguez is enjoined to follow.

Schiano's Got A Secret, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm

Rutgers Scarlet Knights — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:20:12 -0500

Secret deals. Funds channeled so they don't show up on the books. It looks like Rutgers has really taken Tony Soprano's alumni status to heart. According to The Star-Ledger, Greg Schiano has an escape clause that lets him leave Rutgers without penalty if the school doesn't finish on promised improvements to Rutgers Stadium by 2009. The paper also says that Schiano was guaranteed an additional $250,000 on top of the $2 million per year contract he signed in February '07, money that, because of some smart accounting, shows up on the Nelligan Sports Marketing firm's books and not the school's. It's all shady enough that it's got State Sen. Loretta Weinberg asking for investigations over the lack of disclosure. But ultimately it's either going to turn out to be an incredibly shrewd or an incredibly dumb move on Rutgers' part. Schiano is a hot property that has been linked to every major opening the last two offseasons, so it makes perfect sense that Rutgers would pull out all the stops to keep him in Piscataway and guaranteeing him that the improvements will be done or he's free go to is a bold move (especially when you consider that the second wave of the renovations, which are expected to be done by '09, came in $18 million higher than expected). But if by chance those renovations aren't finished by '09 and Penn State (which everyone assumes will someday tab Schiano to fill Joe Paterno's black shoes), comes calling because it knows it can get the coach it wants without having to pay any kind of a penalty to get him, Rutgers is going to be left red (or rather scarlet) faced. Wherever Schiano is after next season, Rutgers had to do whatever it takes to try and keep him from looking elsewhere, even it if means secret deals that might gain the attention of state representatives wondering where all the tax payers' dollars are headed. Schiano is a New Jersey native. He put Rutgers on the map (OK, he did have a little assist from Ray Rice's helmet-wearing momma). He's turned down a number of destination jobs (Michigan anyone?) to stay with the Scarlet Knights, saying he has unfinished business. Are under-the-table dealings and channeling money what you'd expect from an institution that says it "is dedicated to advanced learning, creating new knowledge and contributing to the growing vitality of the state?" Not exactly. Should the school have been more forthright with Schiano's entire contract? Absolutely. But come on, it's New Jersey, a state that has a long reputation in dealing with such "business" tactics.

Links for 2008-07-23 [del.icio.us]

Darius Morris — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:53:05 -0500

The Quad Countdown: No. 37 Notre Dame
"The Irish have won 10 games seven times in the last 30 seasons. Over the same time span, Fresno State also has seven seasons with at least 10 victories, Clemson has six and Air Force and Syracuse have five."
Prestige, Recruiting, and Darius Morris Live
also some good stuff on Jordan Morgan

Wallace Signs, Balmer Only One Left

Cody Wallace — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:09:57 -0500

The 49ers signed their fifth draft pick today, locking up fourth-round pick Cody Wallace to a 4-year deal. With training camp set to begin on Friday the 49ers are only one signing away (Kentwan Balmer) from having all draft picks signed and in camp.

Rutgers-Schiano have a lot of secret deals

Rutgers Scarlet Knights — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:04:16 -0500

The Rutgers Athletic Department apparently got a little creative when they constructed Greg Schiano's new contract two years ago. Read the article for more details, but basically the AD set up the marketing firm they work with to pay some of Schiano's contract, that way it didn't go on the books for Rutgers. That and also included was a type of "Jeff Tedford clause" where Schiano could leave if the stadium updates that were promised weren't delivered. Seems a little shady, or a little smart depending on your viewpoint.

Justin King Signs with Rams

Penn State Nittany Lions — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:44:00 -0500

Wednesday, former Penn State cornerback Justin King signed a three-year deal with the St. Louis Rams. The amount of the deal wasn't released when I heard this, but I imagine it's a nice package. The Rams need all the defense they can get, and with a guy like King, things will only get better.

6 Rookies Sign

Mike Pollak — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:39:36 -0500

Three rookies have now signed. One of them is undrafted. Sam Giguere, the French-Canadian wide receiver, signed a two year contract with an option for a third. Here is the original article for all of you French scholars, and here is the poorly translated version via Babel Fish. Also, Jacob Tamme and Mike Pollak have signed. Both of them will contend for starting jobs, so their arrivals at the beginning of camp would have been vital. UPDATE: Mike Hart, Steve Justice, and Marcus Howard have also signed. Here is the link about the signing frenzy.

All This Could Have Been Ours

Rich Rodriguez — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:36:38 -0500

I still believe Kirk Ferentz was someone's first choice to be Michigan's next head coach. We'll never know, but the preponderance of rumormongering from here and elsewhere is hard to deny absent any contradictory hypotheses.

From a neutral perspective, Ferentz was a weird first option. He was successful... three years ago. Because of that rapidly receding success he was paid six kazillion dollars a year. And he was way ethical if you ignore the spate of questionable characters he recruited over the past few years and the housing scam he ran with his son.

But by God, he looked like an honest man. Nice jaw. Appealing salt-and-pepper hair. Aura of calm politeness at all times. Super hot daughters and strapping lad sons. People began to question his performance, but most of the opinion directed at Iowa's extended run of Facebook terrorism was meta-criticism: "isn't it weird no one's giving Iowa heat"?

Ladies and gentlemen: heat. This Iowa stuff that's gone down? Heavy. In sum:

Cedric Everson (remember him?) and Abe Satterfield allegedly have nonconsensual sex with another Iowa athlete.
The university suspends and eventually boots Everson and Satterfield, but pressures the victim into handling it "in house," allows Everson to move in with his girlfriend(!) three doors down from the victim, and generally appears to have no inclination towards actually doing something until the victim files formal charges.
Some recruit is chased by eight cops whilst naked, racking up Iowa's 634th arrest in the last three years.

The mother of the victim was so incensed she released a scathing letter originally sent to Iowa eight months after she originally sent it. This is the money quote:

"University of Iowa's character was non-existent. It is disappointing to say the very least," the alleged victim's mother said in a phone interview. "We were told the school will take care of it. We will keep it in house. We will be swift. We will be just, and you don't have to worry about it."

And this is the money quote about Kirk Ferentz, Michigan's probable first choice coach in November:

Speaking of dorm rooms, the alleged assault occurred in a "ghost room," registered to a third player but unoccupied. After the incident, according to affadavits obtained by the Press-Citizen, Ferentz ordered the player to reoccupy the room, and a different player moved into the room as well. The room was never secured, evidence was never gathered from it, and the incoming players cleaned all the mess from the alleged assault. [mess including a used condom and sheets with an "orangish-reddish" substance on them -ed]

When I read the Press-Citizen article the first time around I thought it was a case of university bureaucracy exhibiting spectacular stupidity, not malice. This is not. It certainly appears like the behavior of the athletic department -- keep it "in house" because Iowa's got a first class prison right next to the chem building, throw away the evidence contained in the ghost room, keep it vague in the media -- was mostly concerned with whether or not they could salvage the careers of two defensive backs.

Black Heart, Gold Pants has been calling for mass resignations, and I'm not quite there. But Kirk Ferentz is alleged to have instructed two football players to ~~destroy evidence in a rape case involving another football player~~ occupy a room he knew was a crime scene. [Update: clarification; Ferentz probably didn't say "you go destroy that evidence"; he did tell someone to move into a room that he knew would be of police interest.] If that turns out to be true (since that information is based on affadavits given by the players who moved into the room, that's highly likely), Ferentz immediately sets up shop one level above Dave Bliss in coaching hell.

We've heard an awful lot about Rich Rodriguez's lack of character this offseason because he changed jobs, tried to reduce his buyout, and said some silly things about the truth coming out. This was despite a seven-year run without a hint of NCAA sanctions and repeated weak showings in the Fulmer Cup. Meanwhile, Iowa is imploding and it took the most serious allegations leveled at a college head coach since the Bliss incident for anyone to notice. If you hadn't listened to Kirk Ferentz and Rich Rodriguez, hadn't seen pictures of their wives, couldn't hear their accents, this would all be terribly mysterious.

But we have and it's not. The whispered accusation about Rodriguez -- he's a hillbilly -- is true. He shops at Costco and is only interested in Rudyard Kipling if he's 17 years old and benches 400 pounds. He makes goofy jokes at press conferences and occasionally says things you wish he hadn't. He does not inspire third-party confidence like Bo or even Lloyd did. He is not a titanic figure astride the globe, molding young men into little Academic All-American Adonises. He is resolutely, publicly human, full of venal sins. He is impossible to truly adore in the way college football fanbases wish to adore their proxy father figures. He punctures the "Michigan Man" myth every day. He, like Zaphod Beeblebrox, is just this guy, you know?

And, like, okay. I'm nearly 30. I have a father. I just want someone who will win football games and not utterly disgust me when the scales fall from my eyes and the preposterous lie is exposed for all to see. I prefer my heroes poor and uncertain of their future, anyway.