Yardbarker: Washington Capitals

The Media Circus

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:59:16 -0500

When ESPN announced in October that they had ponied up several million to obtain the services of Rick Reilly, we paid tribute by highlighting one of Reilly's most impressive accomplishments while at Sports Illustrated ? racking up seven similes/metaphors in one single column about Tim Wakefield's knuckleball.

Now that he's over at ESPN, we wanted to check in on his progress. Seven columns in and we're only counting nine total similes and metaphors?

the game made him meaner than a dyspeptic rattler

is like rooting for the salmon to eat the bear

That's more one-sided than a Venezuelan election.

But it's like watching a thresher go through wheat.

start going through cash like Jack Black through the Keebler factory

They burn money like the Pentagon

Those are the kinds of guys who will suck up your dough like a street-sweeper

Where do you start in a place that has more history than Barbara Walters' closet?

He is more fun than a Dubai expense account

That's only 1.28 per column. Not worth $2 million annually if you ask us. So if the rhetorical tropes have gone by the wayside, what exactly is ESPN getting for their money?

Poems.

Hey, Simmons got a cartoon, why shouldn't Reilly get to recite golf poetry on TV? ESPN sure treats its columnists well.

Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth

"Ronnie Wiseman is an American Idol. He's handsome and charming." - Billiards 9 Ball Championship color analyst

For the record, Ronnie Wiseman looks like this, and our un-named analyst is a man (not that there's anything wrong with that).
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"His cue is slashed to the side." - Billiards color guy

Nobody likes it when their cue is slashed.
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"Dwight Freeney (is) the most game-planned defensive player in the National Football League."- Mark Schlereth

It's always a joy to welcome the Big Savvy, Mark Schlereth, back into the Media Circus - especially when he continues to create new categories for superlatives.
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"Everyone has to make a living man."- John Madden, on Frank Caliendo's Madden impression

In an ironic twist, Madden offered the same answer when asked what he thought of announcers with different colored eye brows than their hair who make sounds and noises and rarely speak in coherent sentences.

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"If there's one reason Tampa Bay is where they are it's because James Shields has allowed it and also the bullpen." - Eduardo Perez, Baseball Tonight

And if there's one reason we've chosen to pick on Eduardo Perez it's because he sits next to John Kruk and because he can't count.

Official Sponsors for Billiards Tournament Officially Out of Control

In another sign that advertising has a firm grasp of the sports landscape, the "2008 GenerationPool.com 9-Ball Championship" - which sounds an awful lot like an inferior college bowl game - aired on ESPN this past weekend, and with that showcased an array of sponsors that would make an NFL or MLB radio broadcast jealous. In no particular order, the tournament featured:

Official table Sponsor: Olhausen billiard Mfg., Inc.

Official cue Sponsor: Sterling-Fury Cues

Official cloth Sponsor: Sterling-Milliken Super Pro

Official Furniture Sponsor: Mikhail Darafeev

Official ball Sponsor: Aramith

Closed Captioning Sponsor: PoolDawg.com

Rotational Signage Sponsor: American Poolplayers Association

Rotational Signage Sponsor: CueSight.com

Hall of Fame Reception Sponsor: Sterling Gaming

VIP Reception Sponsor: Sterling-Fury Cues

Lest we forget the title sponsor, GenerationPool.com, and DELTA-13, the official sponsor of the GenerationPool.com 9-Ball Championship rack. If only we could get a sponsor pinned down for Janet Lee's rack...

Her pool rack, perverts.

Media Rant - Media Plays Dance, Dance Revolution while Watching Dirty Dancing

If nothing else, the mainstream sports media is enjoyable because of its shear predictability. Case in point the Dolphins trade of Jason Taylor to the Redskins, and the subsequent barrage of obvious one liners pertaining to Taylor's foray this past off-season on Dancing With the Stars.

In no more than five minutes, the Media Circus team discovered the following anecdotes from our online media friends:

"The dumbstruck Redskins didn't just need Taylor, they suddenly had to have the world's most famous dancing Dolphin since Flipper." - Don Banks, SI

"The 'Skins needed Jason Taylor. But if 2008 is his last dance, Alex Marvez says they'll regret dealing for the disgruntled Dolphin."- Foxsports.com

"Simply stated, at least Taylor has hope for a Super Bowl appearance as his NFL career winds down. That beats the alternative ? staying with the Dolphins for his last NFL dance."- Alex Marvez

"Jason Taylor is on the verge of dancing on over to the Washington Redskins."- Jay Glazer

"It's not abnormal to see Washington Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin cheering Gilbert and gang along or to see your new fellow teammates at a Caps game or two. Join in; it's not the dance floor, but the fans will love you for it."- Drew Costley, ESPN Mag

"Stay away from politics?life's confusing enough and you don't need any talking head analyzing how many dance steps you made with your right foot instead of your left."- Costley, ESPN Mag

"Jason Taylor can dance, but he apparently couldn't talk Andre Carter out of No. 99. So rather than have a dance-off for the right to No. 99, the six-time Pro Bowl defensive end, acquired on Sunday from Miami, will be wearing No. 55 for the Redskins."- Corey Masisak, Washington Post

"Jason Taylor Dancing With New Team." - Access Hollywood

Whether he's dancing with a new team, participating in a dance-off, or playing in the last dance of his career, it's safe to say Taylor will be missed by the mainstream media. We suppose Emmitt Smith will need to get arrested in a drug bust so he can dance his way to prison.

If that doesn't happen, it's more than okay to supply a joke about Johnny Castle. Man that guy could really move.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line

If there's one thing that Bob Carpenter loves, it's good neighbors. The world would be a better place if everyone threw out a 'howdy' and offered their neighbor a cool glass of lemonade when they saw them. So needless to say, Carpenter has always been fond of the famous State Farm jingle about being a good neighbor. Mix it with a snappy line and now we're talking...

"Like a good neighbor, Hank Blalock is there."- Stan Verett

Have cyber glass of lemonade and two thumbs up on the Bobber, Stan.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig. They swear this stuff is real. E-mail them at info@joesportsfan.com

John Stevens = Hockey News Coach of the Year

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 19:32:04 -0500

John Stevens, head coach of the Flyers, was snubbed by the NHL when they gave Bruce Boudreau of the Washington Capitals the Jack Adams Award for Coach of the Year, but he was rewarded today by a well-respected hockey media source: The Hockey News. Stevens, who took the Flyers from the worst team in the NHL to the Eastern Conference Finals was recognized by the Hockey News as their Coach of the Year. That Stevens didn't win the Jack Adams Award and Boudreau did was suprising, considering Boudreau coaches a team the Flyers beat in the playoffs. It was even more shocking that Stevens wasn't even a finalist for the NHL award. Stevens, along with GM Paul Holmgren, were instrumental in the incredible turnaround the Flyers had this past season. Holmgren gave him all the pieces but it was up to Stevens to fit them all together and make things click. Congrats John Stevens, you deserve it!

Crosby garners ESPY, Capitals' fans enraged, yet again

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:40:24 -0500

You know, it never gets old to see Washington Capitals fans complaining about one thing or another about the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Breaking Down The 08-09 Pittsburgh Penguins Schedule

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:54:14 -0500

The NHL schedule is out! What do the defending Eastern Conference Champion Pittsburgh Penguins have facing them on their road back to the FInals? And when will Penguins fans get their opportunity to "welcome" Marian Hossa back to Pittsburgh?

Rewriting History: The '93 Playoffs

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:18:59 -0500

Revisiting the Spring of 1993 to see what would have happened if the Pittsburgh Penguins had won Game 7 against the New York Islanders. Would the Pens have gone on to win their third straight Stanley Cup? Now we have a pretty good idea, with a little help from WhatIfSports.com and their NHL sim technology.

Remembering Double J

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:48:40 -0500

A look back on the career of Jaromir Jagr, one of the most dominant players to ever grace the ice of the National Hockey League. Jagr's departure to Russia brings a close to one of NHL history's most spectacular chapters.

Penguins sign Matt Cooke, in talks with Finnish winger

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:13:19 -0500

It was pretty much a given that the Penguins would lose at least a few pieces of their puzzle as they headed into free agency this past Tuesday.

Making Sense Of The Free Agency Madness

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:41:04 -0500

NHL free agency is less than 3 days old and already the NHL's landscape has undergone some big changes. Which teams have taken advantage of free agency, and which teams were in better shape on June 30th? It's time to break down the winners and losers in free agency thus far.

HAGMAN, FINGER & CUJO: WHAT WILL THE MAPLE LEAFS DO NEXT?

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 19:50:05 -0500

by Mike Jack Yesterday, the Toronto Maple Leafs signed winger, Niklas Hagman, defenseman, Jeff Finger and goaltender Curtis Joseph on the first day of the NHL free agent signing period. Coach Ron Wilson has said Hagman will most likely play on a checking line with Jamal Mayers who was acquired in a trade with the St. Louis Blues just before the draft. Hagman scored 27 goals last season with the Dallas Star. He was signed for a reasonable $3 million per season. Finger, who played with Colorado last season, will play a defensive role and be paired with an offensive defenseman (Kaberle, Kubina or McCabe) on one of the teams top two pairing. Finger will be paid $3.5 million each season for the next four years. It seems like his contract is based on what Toronto GM, Cliff Fletcher thinks he can do, and not what he's done already which may be similar to what happened when Bryan McCabe was signed a few years ago, and that didn't really work out. Unlike McCabe though, Finger's proven that he's very skilled defensively. The risk is predicting the amount of offense he'll provide. Fletcher seems to think he's going to improve quite a bit. Joseph was the Leafs starting goaltender from 1998 to 2002, and now returns to back up Vesa Toskala. He left Toronto for a chance to win the Stanley Cup with Detroit, but ended up riding the pine when Dominik Hasek signed with Detroit soon after. Joseph signed with Toronto for only $700,000. He proved last season with Calgary that he can be effective in a back-up role despite being 41 years old. He's a way better goalie than Andrew Raycroft and they're paying him $1.5million less. That makes Raycroft's buy out cap hit of nearly $740,000 this season worth it. Now that the Leafs have gotten rid of most of their old players, CuJo will provide a veteran presence and mentor Toronto's younger goalies. The best part is that CuJo fans can now reuse and recycle their old Toronto CuJo jerseys, thus saving the planet. So, what's Toronto's next move? In a July 1st press conference, Fletcher said they'd sign another defenseman in the next couple days. I think the best fit of the remaining UFA defensemen is Steve Montador. They should be able to get him for less than $3 million and he's only 28 years old. If the Leafs do sign another defensemen though, they'll have eight defenseman signed (Tomas Kaberle, Pavel Kubina, McCabe, Finger, Anton Stralman, Ian White and Carlo Colaiacovo). I think that means that either Kubina, McCabe or maybe even Colaiacovo will be traded. Now that Brian Campbell, Mark Streit, Wade Redden, Michal Rozsival, Brooks Orpik and Ron Hainsey are all signed, teams looking for an offensive defenseman may be willing to dish out the dollars for McCabe or Kubina. McCabe said he'd waiver his no trade clause to go to New York because that's where his wife is from, but the Rangers just signed Redden and Rozsival and the Islanders signed Streit. The Islanders do still have nearly $19 million in cap space though, and may want another offensive defenseman. Since it's clear that Toronto know longer wants him, McCabe may be willing to settle for somewhere close to New York like New Jersey, Philadelphia or Buffalo. Kubina may have earned another chance with the Leafs after scoring 40 points last season, but at 31, he's now the fifth oldest Leaf and one of seven Leafs that are 30+. Kubina's contract only allows him to be traded before August 15th. Colaiacovo could be gone for the same reason that Kyle Wellwood left, he's hurt often. If Kubina or McCabe go, he'd be a good sixth or seventh defenseman though. If Luke Schenn, the 5th overall pick in the 2008 draft, makes a push in camp, he may too take Colaiacovo's spot. Now, that most of the really good UFA forwards have been signed, I think the Leafs might resign Mats Sundin (pictured backed when he had hair). They have $10.8 million in cap space, and it seems like Fletcher is going to stand firm on his $7 million offer. That's a descent raise from the $5.5 million he made last year but obviously a lot less than Vancouver's offer of $10 million per season. That would make him the highest paid player in the league. I don't think anyone will match that, so he'll probably either go to the Canucks or the Leafs. I think Sundin will be willing to take a pay cut to be where he wants to be just like Marian Hossa did. I don't think he'll sign until August though. Sundin has also received offers from the Canadiens and the Rangers. I think the Leafs will give Jason Blake another shot. He'll be 35 this season, but he had some stuff to deal with next year like cancer. He could still be a top scorer. It looks like the Leafs may be keeping Mark Bell around too. I think that huge hit on Daniel Alfredsson at the end of the year saved his career. Besides Fletcher's promise to sign another defenseman soon, any other moves the Leafs perform this off season will depend on whether or not they trade Kubina or McCabe and whether or not Sundin decides to sign back with Toronto.< These situations may not be resolved for another month. Toronto has just enough cap space right now to sign Sundin and a top six defenseman. If Kubina or McCabe are dealt or if Sundin signs elsewhere, they'll have some more cap room to bring in a two or three younger second or third line UFA forwards like Josef Vasicek, Antti Meittinen, Matt Cooke and/or Jason Williams.

NHL Roundup: Hossa signs with Red Wings

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:45:00 -0500

Marian Hossa signs a one year deal with the Detroit Red Wings. Read about this and other big moves in the opening days of free agency in the NHL.

Who scored on NHL Free Agent Day? (Full List inc.)

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:42:13 -0500

Here is a list of the 17 most notable moves along with commentary on who got the better of whom:

Mike Green Inks 4 Year Deal with Caps

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 08:39:06 -0500

Free agency may start at Noon today, but the Capitals top priorities are their own, chiefly D Mike Green, G Cristobal Huet, C Brooks Laich, and D Shaone Morrisonn.

Caps Free Agency Update

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:16:36 -0500

John Taylor from the Washington Times sent me a link to the In The Room blog by the Times beat reporter Corey Masisak. Corey gives a pretty thorough update on where the Capitals are with Caps free agents. The big NHL free agency period kicks off tomorrow.

2008 NHL Free Agency Explosion

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 22:57:34 -0500

Why wait until July 1st? Read now where Marian Hossa, Brian Campbell, Jaromir Jagr, Mats Sundin, Ryan Malone, Sean Avery and all the other big free agents are going to sign when free agency kicks off in less than a week.

Flyers continue dealing, acquire defenseman Eminger from Washington

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 23:16:57 -0500

The Flyers continue to make moves to shore up their defense on Draft Day. First, the Flyers traded R.J. Umberger to the Columbus Blue Jackets for a pair of draft picks. Then, with the 19th pick in the draft the Flyers picked up defenseman Luca Sbisa. Finally, the Flyers traded their original first round pick, 27th overall, to the Washington Captials for defenseman Steve Eminger and the 84th pick in the draft. Sbisa has decent size and is described as a good puck mover, much in the mold of Mark Streit of the Montreal Canadiens. He's from Switzerland and was believed to be amongst the top 12 North American players in the draft. For more on Sbisa, click here for his profile from Hockeysfuture.com. For more immediate help, the Flyers acquired Steve Eminger. Eminger, 24, is a restricted free agent who was the 12th overall selection by the Washington Capitals back in 2002. He has spent parts of the last 5 seasons in the NHL, accumulating 6 goals and 37 assists to go with a plus/minus of -44. He is coming off a season where he dealt with an ankle injury that limited his playing time and he was a healthy scratch numerous times, but he did see solid ice time when the Capitals played the Flyers in the first round, even scoring a goal in the fourth game of the series. Eminger is a puck-moving defensman, something the Flyers desperately need. He often played on the power play in Washington, and can lead the rush out of the zone. Eminger clearly is a talented player who needed a fresh start and the Flyers are prepared to give him one. So, to sum up the day, the Flyers lost R.J. Umberger and a 4th round pick but added Steve Eminger, Luca Sbisa and two 3rd rounders.... Click the link for the rest of the article.