Yardbarker: Dallas Stars

Dallas Stars Ice Girls know how to skate

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:18:23 -0500

I don't usually like to post videos of dance teams. Why? I have no idea. But I am making an exception for my friend Bret. He use to be employed by the New York Rangers as a promotional guru, but was later replaced by hot chicks on ice. So in honor of him, I present to you via Puck Daddy, the Dallas Stars Ice Girls. My favorites are Tiffany and Grace!

Minnesotans Have a One Track Mind

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:07:04 -0500

Norm Coleman is the Republican incumbent running in the highly-targeted Minnesota Senate race that pits him against unfunny comedian Al Franken and that rumors circulated would include Jesse Ventura. Apparently, he knows his constituency and wants to remind them he "brought hockey back."

The Media Circus

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:59:16 -0500

When ESPN announced in October that they had ponied up several million to obtain the services of Rick Reilly, we paid tribute by highlighting one of Reilly's most impressive accomplishments while at Sports Illustrated ? racking up seven similes/metaphors in one single column about Tim Wakefield's knuckleball.

Now that he's over at ESPN, we wanted to check in on his progress. Seven columns in and we're only counting nine total similes and metaphors?

the game made him meaner than a dyspeptic rattler

is like rooting for the salmon to eat the bear

That's more one-sided than a Venezuelan election.

But it's like watching a thresher go through wheat.

start going through cash like Jack Black through the Keebler factory

They burn money like the Pentagon

Those are the kinds of guys who will suck up your dough like a street-sweeper

Where do you start in a place that has more history than Barbara Walters' closet?

He is more fun than a Dubai expense account

That's only 1.28 per column. Not worth $2 million annually if you ask us. So if the rhetorical tropes have gone by the wayside, what exactly is ESPN getting for their money?

Poems.

Hey, Simmons got a cartoon, why shouldn't Reilly get to recite golf poetry on TV? ESPN sure treats its columnists well.

Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth

"Ronnie Wiseman is an American Idol. He's handsome and charming." - Billiards 9 Ball Championship color analyst

For the record, Ronnie Wiseman looks like this, and our un-named analyst is a man (not that there's anything wrong with that).
___

"His cue is slashed to the side." - Billiards color guy

Nobody likes it when their cue is slashed.
___

"Dwight Freeney (is) the most game-planned defensive player in the National Football League."- Mark Schlereth

It's always a joy to welcome the Big Savvy, Mark Schlereth, back into the Media Circus - especially when he continues to create new categories for superlatives.
___

"Everyone has to make a living man."- John Madden, on Frank Caliendo's Madden impression

In an ironic twist, Madden offered the same answer when asked what he thought of announcers with different colored eye brows than their hair who make sounds and noises and rarely speak in coherent sentences.

___

"If there's one reason Tampa Bay is where they are it's because James Shields has allowed it and also the bullpen." - Eduardo Perez, Baseball Tonight

And if there's one reason we've chosen to pick on Eduardo Perez it's because he sits next to John Kruk and because he can't count.

Official Sponsors for Billiards Tournament Officially Out of Control

In another sign that advertising has a firm grasp of the sports landscape, the "2008 GenerationPool.com 9-Ball Championship" - which sounds an awful lot like an inferior college bowl game - aired on ESPN this past weekend, and with that showcased an array of sponsors that would make an NFL or MLB radio broadcast jealous. In no particular order, the tournament featured:

Official table Sponsor: Olhausen billiard Mfg., Inc.

Official cue Sponsor: Sterling-Fury Cues

Official cloth Sponsor: Sterling-Milliken Super Pro

Official Furniture Sponsor: Mikhail Darafeev

Official ball Sponsor: Aramith

Closed Captioning Sponsor: PoolDawg.com

Rotational Signage Sponsor: American Poolplayers Association

Rotational Signage Sponsor: CueSight.com

Hall of Fame Reception Sponsor: Sterling Gaming

VIP Reception Sponsor: Sterling-Fury Cues

Lest we forget the title sponsor, GenerationPool.com, and DELTA-13, the official sponsor of the GenerationPool.com 9-Ball Championship rack. If only we could get a sponsor pinned down for Janet Lee's rack...

Her pool rack, perverts.

Media Rant - Media Plays Dance, Dance Revolution while Watching Dirty Dancing

If nothing else, the mainstream sports media is enjoyable because of its shear predictability. Case in point the Dolphins trade of Jason Taylor to the Redskins, and the subsequent barrage of obvious one liners pertaining to Taylor's foray this past off-season on Dancing With the Stars.

In no more than five minutes, the Media Circus team discovered the following anecdotes from our online media friends:

"The dumbstruck Redskins didn't just need Taylor, they suddenly had to have the world's most famous dancing Dolphin since Flipper." - Don Banks, SI

"The 'Skins needed Jason Taylor. But if 2008 is his last dance, Alex Marvez says they'll regret dealing for the disgruntled Dolphin."- Foxsports.com

"Simply stated, at least Taylor has hope for a Super Bowl appearance as his NFL career winds down. That beats the alternative ? staying with the Dolphins for his last NFL dance."- Alex Marvez

"Jason Taylor is on the verge of dancing on over to the Washington Redskins."- Jay Glazer

"It's not abnormal to see Washington Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin cheering Gilbert and gang along or to see your new fellow teammates at a Caps game or two. Join in; it's not the dance floor, but the fans will love you for it."- Drew Costley, ESPN Mag

"Stay away from politics?life's confusing enough and you don't need any talking head analyzing how many dance steps you made with your right foot instead of your left."- Costley, ESPN Mag

"Jason Taylor can dance, but he apparently couldn't talk Andre Carter out of No. 99. So rather than have a dance-off for the right to No. 99, the six-time Pro Bowl defensive end, acquired on Sunday from Miami, will be wearing No. 55 for the Redskins."- Corey Masisak, Washington Post

"Jason Taylor Dancing With New Team." - Access Hollywood

Whether he's dancing with a new team, participating in a dance-off, or playing in the last dance of his career, it's safe to say Taylor will be missed by the mainstream media. We suppose Emmitt Smith will need to get arrested in a drug bust so he can dance his way to prison.

If that doesn't happen, it's more than okay to supply a joke about Johnny Castle. Man that guy could really move.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line

If there's one thing that Bob Carpenter loves, it's good neighbors. The world would be a better place if everyone threw out a 'howdy' and offered their neighbor a cool glass of lemonade when they saw them. So needless to say, Carpenter has always been fond of the famous State Farm jingle about being a good neighbor. Mix it with a snappy line and now we're talking...

"Like a good neighbor, Hank Blalock is there."- Stan Verett

Have cyber glass of lemonade and two thumbs up on the Bobber, Stan.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig. They swear this stuff is real. E-mail them at info@joesportsfan.com

Quiz: Do You Have the Makings of a Sports Blogger?

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:15:55 -0500

You might be surprised by the omnipresent personality characteristics inherent in the vast majority of sports bloggers. We've been at this blogging thing about a year and a half and gotten to know a good number of our counterparts and the results are a bit surprising. You probably assume it's a requisite encyclopedic knowledge of stats and athlete anecdotes or a long history of personal sporting achievements, but it's actually quite the opposite.

Go ahead and answer the following questions and find out if you have what it takes to be a sports blogger. In actuality, pretty much any asshole can do it, but feel free to take the quiz anyway.

#1) Say you are playing Baseball Stars, you prefer:

A) Trying to defeat the American Dreams with the Lovely Ladies to exhibit that you can beat the best with inferior players.
B) Making your own team and taking on the American Dreams, because you want to strike out Ted Williams with Willie Cuminsider.
C) Making your own team and playing 7,000 games against the Lovely Ladies with a nonexistent player 2 to raise funds and juice up your stats until you have the most dominant team in history.

#2) You are 11 weeks into your Super Tecmo Bowl season when the Sega Justice kicks it and you get your ass kicked, Barry Sanders gets injured, and you lose by 14. You:

A) Take the loss and pass your way to 3 straight wins until Barry returns.
B) Reset the Nintendo immediately and replay the game until you rack up 375 yards and 7 TDs.
C) Rip your Nintendo with the missing cartridge door off the desk and projectile it down a flight of stairs.

#3) Which of the following packs of sports cards does not require inspection prior to purchase?

A) 1988 Upper Deck Baseball
B) 1991 Leaf Baseball
C) 1989-1990 NBA Hoops

#4) Do you prefer a solid whiffle ball or the type with the air holes on one side?

A) Solid
B) Air Holes

#5) What is your fondest little league memory?

A) The time you parked 3 home runs and pitched a four hitter against the team with that giant red headed kid who looked like he was 19.
B) Eating 9 Air Heads and 6 boxes of Lemonheads after your game while you hung around and watched all the other games on Saturday afternoon.
C) When your old man taught you to throw your first breaking ball.

#6) You quit playing football in:

A) Never played it
B) 9th Grade
C) Played in College
D) I played Soccer all through high school

#7) Did you ever keep your stats for a sports season?

A) Yes
B) No

#8) Did you ever slide head first?

A) Yes
B) No

#9) Did you ever host any sort of tournament at your house?

A) Yes
B) No

#10) Finally, who is the arch-nemesis in Major League 3: Major to the Minors (no peeking at IMDB)?

A) Jack Parkman
B) Carlos Liston
C) Haywood
D) Liston Cuthbertson

Answer Key:

#1: C
#2: B
#3: A
#4: B
#5: B
#6: A, B, or D
#7: A
#8: A
#9: A
#10: B

Taylor Saga Finally Ends

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:21:30 -0500

Today, Jason Taylor will be arrive at the training center for the first time this off-season. He will not skip training camp and we will now see if he is in as good of shape as he has been saying since "Dancing With the Stars" ended. Unfortunately, he will not be arriving at Miami's training [...]

Are you ready to get your San Jose Sharks tickets?

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 22:47:52 -0500

So are you? Regular season begins on Thursday October 9, at 7:30pm at the Tank. The Sharks will be facing their nemesis, the Anaheim Ducks, to begin a season chocked full of question marks. For the first time in five years, the Sharks will be starting the season with a different coach and much anticipation as to how well they'll fare this season.

MY LIST OF ALL TIME GOALIES

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 13:21:51 -0500

Here is my list of the best I've ever seen play . All 10 of these guys had there moments of greatness so here's to them , and as far as your list , HOW could you leave off CHRIS OSGOOD ? Come on dude ,granted this guy has had great defensive players but he still makes great saves and should get the credit for being one of the best goalies in the NHL for his consistency . Guys & Girls don't leave out OSGOOD that's a SIN ! By the way I'm not a red wing fan, I'm a NEW YORK RANGERS FAN ! Your list was cool but you know by now who I thought you overlooked. VERY GOOD TOPIC * * * * * FIVE STARS ! ! ! ! ! !

THE AFTER PARTY

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:08:11 -0500

College Football Helmet Quiz
Ohio State Fans Spurn ESPN
LT in '08

Elvis returns, dedicates "In The Bunker" to British Open sufferers
Why was Branson Wright fired as Cavs beat reporter?
Bonds or Holliday Hitting Behind Pujols?
Manny Deserves Better

All-Stars of the past present and future
New Lebron/Yao Commercial
Jose Canseco vs. Vai Sikahema fight reenacated using Mike Tyson's punch out

Giggy Still "With It" In Anaheim

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:17:50 -0500

Anaheim had yet another somewhat successful season in 2007-2008, winning 47 games, but the loss in the first round to the Dallas Stars must disappoint them. They did not get affected by any "Stanley Cup hangover" which was good, but they also did not get the result they were looking for. Brain Burke has one thing he can relax about this off-season, and that's his goaltending situation. J-S Giguere had fantastic year posting a 2.12 goals against average, and a .922 save percentage. Those are his best statistics in the post-lockout era. Giguere is right in the middle of his prime at 31 years-of-age, and still has some great seasons ahead of him. Some goalies hit their prime later than skaters, and since it took Giguere years to work his way through the minors, his best may be yet to come. Anaheim can rely on Giguere's steadiness until his contract expires in 2011. He is a top-tier goaltender, and will likely continue his successes into next season. Ilya Bryzgalov was sent to the waiver wire in order to make room for Jonas Hiller, who fits the backup role nicely. The facts that Bryzgalov was too good to be used as a backup to Giguere, and that they had a capable backup in Hiller waiting in the wings led to Bryzgalov's demise in Anaheim. Hiller is good at starting once or twice a month. You know what you are getting with him, and can expect that each time out. That's a tough skill to find, but Anaheim has found one in the young Swiss netminder.

American goalie Mike McKenna saw most of the action in Portland last season, and will likely do the same this year in Iowa, since the Ducks changed their affiliation. (Side note: who names a team the "Chops"?) The younger Jean-Phillippe Levasseur may give McKenna a run for his money, but they will likely end up splitting time in a 70/30 fashion. Although inconsistent so far at the professional level, Levasseur has talent unmatched by anyone else in the Ducks' minor league system. With Giguere locked up on the big team, look for Anaheim to take their time with Levasseur, if not eventually trade him.

Further down the depth chart we see Bobby Goepfert who spent his first year out of college with the Augusta Linx of the ECHL last season. He did not see as much action as he probably would have liked, mainly because he was splitting time with J-P Levasseur, but impressed when called upon. Goepfert plays an all-out style of goaltending, and has great reflexes and reactions. He should be given the reigns in Augusta, and is hopeful of a call up to Iowa if he plays well enough.

On the European side of things, Anaheim has two noteworthy goalies. Mattias Modig and Sebastian Stefaniszin. Mattias Modig, drafted in the 4th round in 2007, had a slow year appearing in 47 games for Lulea HF of the Swedish Elite League. He posted an undeniably bad 3.53 G.A.A, and hopes to bounce back next year, or else he may see his shot at coming over to North America fade. Sebastian Stefaniszin had an absolutely terrible season, playing in only 19 games all year, and in 9 games with Iserlohn of the Deutsche Eishockey Liga of Germany he posted a 4.50 G.A.A, with a 0.881 save percentage. He'll need to really bounce back in order to bring his status in the organization up.

Overall, Anaheim is set in net. They have nothing to worry about unless Giguere has some kind of disastrous injury (knock on wood) that knocks him out of the equation. Keep up the good work, Giggy!

RANGERS REJUVENATED !

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:22:31 -0500

Well my fellow DIE HARDS this season at the very worst will be really fun to see . The NEW ! York Rangers will be quick REJUVENATED and vibrant . This team will come in with gusto ! For the most part I feel Mr. Sather has done a pretty good job at sifting through the free agent market to find our beloved team the best hungriest players available . I feel the trades he made were even more impressive. I'm very happy this team was not bullied into signing Jagr or Avery , don't get me wrong I love both players but money was definitely an issue and furthermore this team has to make room for some talented call ups . The NYR are in the midst of changing over there is a metamorphosis about to take place right before our eyes . There is one thing I would be elated to see ,and that's the signing of MATS SUNDIN this guy would thrive here and I know many of you guys probably think this cant happen but I strongly believe that the hesitation on SUNDIN's part is because he truly wants to be a NEW YORK RANGER ! many sources have reported that NY is tops on his list . Well with all this said I love what my team has done getting rid of the dead wood , and signing guys who were overlooked or unhappy but most of all very skilled . This season is gonna rock ! The Hockey GODS are SMILING on the NEW YORK RANGERS !

THE AFTER PARTY

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:40:18 -0500

No Favorite for Claret Jug
Batman's Rogues Gallery–Done NFL Style
Dog removed from menus for Beijing Olympics
MJ's New Girlfriend
The Real Charles Barkley Question

Round 2 -- Cops Nab "Rampage" Again
Ashley Harkleroad's Playboy Cover
Andy Oliver Adds OSU As A Defendant
More "Foot fetish" Pics of WWE Diva Candice Michelle Discovered
Casting For the Josh Hamilton Story
Interview with Coach/Reliever/Punk Rocker Scott Radinsky

Bud Selig and his bad ideas
Baseball may be flawed, but it's perfect
Why wasn't Joe Morgan at the ASG? Two Words: Ryne Sandberg
Yoooooouuuur 2008 Super Hero All-Stars
Game Time: Flip Cup Guys are coming

Gothia Cup - A Breeding Ground for Tomorrow's Soccer Stars

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 04:30:20 -0500

Gothia Cup in Gothenburg, Sweden, is probably the most distinguished youth soccer tournament in the world. Throughout the years 770,000 youths between the ages of 11 and 19, from over 127 different countries, have participated in the Cup and more than 1,500 teams partake each year. Teen Players worth Millions This year, Gothia Cup is played [...]

MLB, Yankee Stadium: The All-Stars at the All-Star Game

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:27:39 -0500

Combine New York City, the Yankees, the final year in the House That Ruth Built, MLB marketing hitting on all cylinders and what do you get? The business of baseball equivalent of a grand slam in the 79th All-Star Game and associated festivities. Tuesday night’s 15 inning instant classic delivered an average audience of 14.54 million viewers, which is the largest audience for the game in the last six years and a 16% increase versus last year. The game delivered a 9.3/16 household rating and share (an 11% increase over last year) for its dozens of national advertisers, many of which are MLB corporate partners, who purchased in-game commercials at record levels. The numbers are based on Neilsen Media Research’s Live + Same Day audience data for the first nine innings of the game. As reported Wednesday (index.php?option=com_content task=view id=2356 Itemid=1), the Home Run Derby averaged 6,184,000 homes tuning in based on Live + Same Day audience data from Nielsen Media Research. The average 6.4 household rating, 6.2 million homes, and 9.1 million viewers delivered by the 2008 State Farm Home Run Derby rank it as the highest-rated and most-viewed telecast of the year on cable television. MLB registered other hits for the Mid-Season Classic that compared to some of Josh Hamilton’s moon shots from the Home Run Derby: The DHL All-Star FanFest set a record for fan attendance with more than 130,000. The five-day event beat out the previous record of 125,020 which took place in San Francisco last year.Major League Baseball set a record for sales of All-Star merchandise with an increase of 75% over last year’s record sales with the most popular items being Statue of Liberty replicas with MLB league and club designs, on-field All-Star workout jerseys, and All-Star caps. With a pre-game collection of 49 Hall of Famers, the surprise showing of George Steinbrenner emotionally arriving on the field, the free concert with Bon Jovi, Sheryl Crow singing the National Anthem… well, MLB did the event up in first rate fashion. What was the final report card from MLB? “With the backdrop of New York City and the final year of Yankee Stadium, this was truly an All-Star Summer for the ages,” said Tim Brosnan, Major League Baseball Executive Vice President, Business. “Fans and business partners have told us that this was a spectacular success and a fitting tribute to the final year of Yankee Stadium.” The problem? How can MLB top it? That’s for next year (and probably many more to come). As a sidebar, prepare to see one commercial more and more as January approaches. The first ads for the upcoming MLB Network were aired during the All-Star Game. Get the DVR ready.Maury Brown is the Founder and President of the Business of Sports Network (http://www.businessofsportsnetwork.com/), which includes The Biz of Baseball (http://www.bizofbasketball.com/), The Biz of Football (http://www.bizoffootball.com/), The Biz of Basketball (http://www.bizofbasketball.com/) and The Biz of Hockey (http://bizofhockey.com/). He is contributor to Baseball Prospectus (http://baseballprospectus.com/news/?author=124), and is available as a freelance writer.Brown's full bio is here. (http://www.businessofsportsnetwork.com/index.php?option=com_content view=article id=47 Itemid=18) He looks forward to your comments via email and can be contacted through the Business of Sports Network (http://www.businessofsportsnetwork.com/index.php?option=com_contact view=contact id=2 Itemid=29).

All Star Game as Frustratingly Pointless as Ever

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:27:26 -0500

I've always thought Bud Selig has done some questionable things as a comissioner, but far and away the stupidest thing he has ever done is to make the All Star game decide homefield advantage. We saw that perfectly again last night. What in the hell will any of those National League All Stars who were [...]

Why wasn't Joe Morgan at the All-Star Game last night? Oh right, Ryne Sandberg was there.

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:22:40 -0500

So during the opening pomp and circumstance before last night's All-Star Game, the Living Hall of Famers at each position were in Yankee Stadium to greet the starting 2008 All-Stars as they were introduced to the crowd. It was a great moment to see living legends from the Hall of Fame out there on the same field with the 2008 [...]