http://www.yardbarker.com/users/JuiceMonkey Recent Yardbarker Articles: JuiceMonkey en-us Chris Paul had a rather quiet triple double in leading New Orleans to a commanding 12-point victory over Golden State, which drops the Warriors 1/2 game back from the Nuggets for the 8th and final playoff spot in the west. Stephen Jackson and Baron Davis, usually the catalysts and leaders of Nellie's circus act he calls a basketball team, played miserably. They shot a combined 11-33 from the field, including 1-14 from 3-point range, with 9 turnovers. Worse than their shooting was their horriific, lazy defense. On several occasions, Baron didn't even put his hands up to defend outside shots. He just stood there and watched. There was zero help defense on penetrators and kickouts and hardly any switching on man-to-man coverage. I know this team has an up-tempo, hich-octane identity to uphold, but there comes a point where they have to at least make the minimal effort on defense. As a Warriors fan, it is painful to watch. How many easy baskets did David West have in the second half? It's really a shame that Monta's incredible offensive display (17-26 from the field) was wasted today. But it looks as if some guys just don't give a crap out there. Unless they can really turn things around, I don't see this team getting that last playoff spot. The Mavericks are losing to the Suns right now, but they are in great shape to get at least the #8 seed. The Nuggets should win tonight in Seattle, making Thursday's showdown in Oakland against Melo, A.I. & company a must-win for the Warriors. I want to be a believer but Nellieball is almost too difficult to accept. Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:05:09 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/230397 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/230397 A 102 mph fastball or a classic guitar battle against Slash? I think big Joel has made his choice, much to the dismay of Jim Leiland and the rest of the Tigers. Probably the only blemish for Detroit is their questionable middle relief anchored by a closer more adept at shooting off his opinions in Sporting News than gunning down opposing batters. Keep on rocking, Joel. Just remember, you're not getting paid the big bucks to play Nintendo Wii. Wed, 02 Apr 2008 17:20:44 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/226841 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/226841 Based on a nationwide sample from the Harris Interactive Poll of 2,513 U.S. adults, 611 of whom follow college basketball, the Duke Blue Devils are the most popular college basketball team. I can just sense the anti-Duke sentiment brewing as I write this. Relax. Start by taking a deep breath. Have some satisfaction in knowing they got knocked out of the tournament early for the 2nd year in a row. Also, they have a whole slew of white guys the haters love to pick on. So instead of J.J. Redick all by himself, you have Paulus, Scheyer, Singler, Zubek, and Taylor King to rag on. Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:50:59 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/221082 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/221082 Who you might ask? Some Republican brute talk show host out to make a name for herself. "All these years, and I didn't know there was a woman quarterback in the NFL...We're watching this in the studio, obviously retiring from the NFL, great quarterback, handsome 38-year-old man, he gets up there and he does this press conference that was frankly one of the most embarrassing things I have ever seen....That's a great message for young boys. Get up there and act like a girl and start blubbering like a baby." Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:14:31 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/192138 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/192138 It's a shame Ichiro hasn't picked up better English, because he probably would give his teammates the proverbial pimp slap weekly. Basically Ichiro is glad Wilkerson (RF) and Ibanez (LF) can't cover much ground because it makes him look better in center field. That is just too good. Thu, 21 Feb 2008 18:09:36 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/158433 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/158433 Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith, now Jason Taylor. 1-15 and you feel like dancing? Glad this guy's got his proirities straight. Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:52:58 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/150777 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/150777 But what about the underprivileged kids out there who look up to backyard brawlers? Kids that may never graduate high school and dream of becoming bearded beasts that go around suburban ghettos pounding fools until they beg for mercy all for a $50 purse? What does this say to them? Wed, 13 Feb 2008 23:42:37 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/140908 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/140908 When you run over a cyclist and turn his body into a hood ornament, the human thing to do when it's not your fault is to pay your respects to his family and move on. This psychopath follows a different code of ethics. Now three years later, he is suing the deceased cyclist's family for damages done to his Audi A8. He's only asking for 30 grand. I hope this guy chokes on some paella. Wed, 30 Jan 2008 21:13:44 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/115313 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/115313 "You guys love to say, 'Oh, he is coming off the beach and he is dating Jessica Simpson' -- please!...Heck, if Jessica Simpson wanted to date me, I may give her a shot." If you're a male and don't "give her a shot" I'd question your sexuality. Sat, 12 Jan 2008 01:31:10 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/68752 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/68752 Props to Joe Sports Fan for this hilarious shrine to one of my heroes. Without these videos, I may have never hit the cutoff man and I'd probably have three of four more instances of homeruns bouncing off my noggin. Tue, 08 Jan 2008 20:40:15 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/64432 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/64432 It's the Milton (Office Space) Award. YouTube is indebted to his philanthropic, high-class sports analysis. From the Colts to the UK Wildcats, Kige does it all. The link above takes you to his award nominee message. The video below is Kige's 2007 "Year in Review". Enjoy, and don't thank me too much. Thu, 27 Dec 2007 22:03:17 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/54174 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/54174 OK, I know that's what my book was all about. But if you are going to make a list, make sure the list is complete. BUD SELIG STILL HAS NOT INSTALLED A TEST FOR HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE. Thus, THE MITCHELL REPORT IS MISSING HUNDREDS OF HGH USERS. A documented list of 80 players who have reportedly purchased and used anabolic steroids and performance enhancing supplements NOW tested by Major League Baseball says nothing. We already knew about myself, Caminiti, McGuire, Palmeiro, Sheffield, Giambi and Bonds. And let's be honest, Clemons is no surprise. How did guys like A-Rod, Nomar, and Pujols to name a few stay off the report? The were more careful. They used performance enhancers like HGH to stay under the radar and avoid testing positive after Major League Baseball began administering random steroid tests three years ago. Jayson Stark makes a great argument in this article. Do we really want to know who took illegal substances? At this point, does it really matter? Nobody will get prosecuted because it wasn't illegal when they were juicing. A two year investigation by the Federal government and this is what we get? I don't understand why Selig want to announce to the world his incompetence as Commissioner one more time. He basically hired Mitchell to make himself look bad. Nice work, Bud. And what good does this do for the game of baseball? Fresh off an exciting season of tight pennant races and clutch postseason performances, all the Mitchell Report does is give those fans ready to put a tainted past behind them a reason to get back on the fence. Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:56:48 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/44113 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/44113 Miss South Carolina, we have found your man. Wed, 12 Dec 2007 21:05:14 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/43071 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/43071 What better way to advertise for your New Year's Party than Craigslist. They better pat all the chicks down before entering the club to make sure they are indeed females. The party favors bag will include a New Year's hat, mistletoe, a condom and a morning after pill just for insurance. Shockey is a class act. Special thanks to Sports by Brooks and Deadspin for tracking down this priceless CL post. Tue, 11 Dec 2007 20:55:37 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/42600 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/42600 "I drive the 91 pretty often," said Angels GM Tony Reagins, who hails from Indio. "Del Taco is one of my favorite fast food chains. I knew that one halfway between Riverside and Anaheim." Apparently, Torii Hunter's agent Larry Reynolds is also a fan. I wonder what the kicker was. Had to be either the carne asada or the fish tacos. Sat, 01 Dec 2007 22:01:36 -0500 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/39907 http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article/39907