LATEST STORIES FROM 120 PROOF BALL
Tennis is for wussies...
July 06, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Yeah, I know, mother effers. I used to play tennis. I hated every second of it. Seriously. Every second. What was the point of running around like an idiot, wiedling a snowshoe in my right hand, and whacking a green ball back at my opponent. Today's Wimbledon men's tennis final...
Ya hear that? We're a threat!!!
June 22, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Sadly, we were naive enough to think that we had been put out of our collective misery and Buzz Bissinger was exiled to some far away place where we'd no longer be subjected to his idiocy. And his idiocy, sadly enough, is what he's most willing to spread. Bissinger, if you...
Did We Miss Something?
June 05, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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So, is there like some important basketball series starting tomorrow? What's everyone so worked about?That team with the winged wheel on their jersey apparently won something in ice hockey. Woo effin hoo. Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof.
Homerism coming at you live
May 31, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Yes, but not from us. Yet. A couple of neat things are going on right now in the world of sports. Ok, check that. One neat thing. Ken Griffey Junior is one home run away from number 600 in his illustrious career. Coincidentally, I'm one beer away from 600 in the month of May. Not...
And the idiocy continues...
May 26, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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At 120, we propose to start a collection to fund Bill Plashke's retirement. We might even change the name of our blog to www.euthanizeplashke.blogspot.com. I wonder if that domain name is already taken. Anyway, we recently posted about what a moron Plashke is during the Lakers...
Acclaimed
May 12, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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I love how people describe famous columnists as "acclaimed" and "award-winning." Who exactly gives out these awards? In case you didn't know, there are two main types of news contributers in the print media. Reporters and columnists. Reporters deal with facts...
Is that Bulls job still open???
May 10, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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As many basketball insiders predicted, former Phoenix Suns coach Mike D'Antoni is leaving the desert and taking over in the windy city. And who can really be surprised? They have a great young point guard in Kirk Hinrich, and some really talented younger swingmen that should be...
Roger Clemens has sex with duckbilled platypi
May 03, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Roger Clemens likes to have sex with women other than his wife. He also likes to have sex with the ex-wives of 120proof's favorite athletes. And now, in a report that we completely made up and carries no truth whatsoever, he likes to have sex with duckbilled platypi. "It&...
First Pitches
March 31, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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The Scene: Post 911. Our country is still in a furor, regardless of whether the rage is aimed at the right target or not. But baseball goes on. Our fearless leader (for the sake of this article, imagine there being about a 20 second break while I run to the sink and puke) steps to...
Screwballs and Know Nothings
March 29, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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The Game: Fantasy BaseballThe Players:Ted: Todd's father-in-law, and our commissioner. He rules his fantasy games the same way he ministers his congregation. WITH AN IRON FIST!!! Todd: My drunken partner in crime. He knows more about baseball than your average blind, deaf, and...
Wishes Do Come True
March 25, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Nobody is happier than we are that it's been a couple weeks since anyone devoted any real time to talking about the whole Roger Clemens/Brian McNamee debacle. No "misremembering" on our parts. One thing I recall as clear as day is listening to that smug son-of-a-bitch...
Nuts in a Bunch
March 15, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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By now, you've probably all heard about poor Chicago Cubs outfielder Felix Pie (pee-AY), and his battle with a twisted testicle. Nope, we're not talking about an evil family jewel. We're talking about a gonad resembling a Twizzler. And yes, this is a recognized malady...
Kids Say the Darndest Things
March 13, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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It's rare, these days, that you see a college basketball player with the skill to play in the NBA stay in school any more than the requisite one year required under the new laws. There are those, like us at 120, that steadfastly believe that these young men should stay in college...
Love Is Complicated
March 09, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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People claim to be "lovers" of all kinds of things; Sports, alcohol, children, collectibles of all sorts. Even animals. Well, if Tripp Isenhour is to believed, his intentional braining of a migratory hawk with a golf ball was out of love. He is, after all, a self-proclaimed...
We Must Be Nuts
February 09, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Torn ACL? Child's play. Tommy John surgery? We mock thee. In mens' sports, there is no injury as devastating as a well-placed strike to the nutsack. Some are due to unfortunate circumstance, some can be chalked up to the evil of the opponent, and some are just due to plain...
We'd Rather Be Watching Curling
February 09, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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If you ask Todd, he'll tell you watching the Spurs and Cavs so far is about as much fun as drunkenly tripping over a log near a river in the mid-west, and proceeding to be eaten alive by horse flies while you lie there, paralyzed. Horse flies are about the size of a nickel, and...
Mocking the Undrafted
February 09, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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We're less than 5734 minutes away from the NBA draft and we're counting the seconds! While most fans of the draft will eagerly quaff their Natty Ice in anticipation of their hometown team's pick, we'll be watching for a different reason. Invariably, every draft has...
Flying Pigs
February 07, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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We've all heard the statement, "When pigs fly," as sort of a sardonic response to someone suggesting an unlikely event may occur. Out here in sunny Southern Cali, that statement has been replaced with, "When Mitch Kupchak makes a shrewd front office move." Well...
Rashard Lewis: I'm Rich, Bitch!
January 26, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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The Orlando Magic have lured Rashard Lewis away from the Sonics by singing to the tune of a five-year $85 million contract. By the end of the week, Lewis will be earning more annual dosh than Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire and Yao Ming. Here at 120 Proof, we have opinions. We also have...
Tale of the Tape
January 25, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Fighting out of the Blue corner. Standing 6 feet and 11 inches tall. Weighing in at an impressive 270 pounds. The former first overall pick in the NBA draft. Kwame...... BROOOOOOOOWWWWN! And fighting out of the Red corner. Also standing 6 feet and 11 inches tall. But weighing in at a slightly...
Stern Dealings
January 25, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Preceding the final game of the San Antonio Spurs' horrifyingly boring sweep of the Cleveland Cavaliers, NBA commissioner David Stern made an appearance on the Dan Patrick radio show. At first glance, this would appear to be a good thing since Patrick is an excellent interviewer...
Kobe Beef
January 25, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Less than 24 hours after publicly saying he wanted to remain a Laker, Kobe Bryant has told ESPN's Stephen A. "The Most Annoying Man on the Planet" Smith that he wants to be traded. While for disenchanted Laker fans like myself this is good news, for Laker haters like...
O (den) Faces
January 25, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Rumor has it, the phones in the Portland Trailblazers' front office haven't stopped ringing. Apparently, the team has been offered quite the lot of star players in exchange for their first overall pick in the upcoming NBA draft, all but certain to be used on Ohio State center...
Quick Picks
January 25, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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Everything bad we at 120 have ever said about the NBA draft lottery we now have to take back. Never in our wildest dreams did we think a 3 minute draft procedure devoid of any manufactured dramatic buildup, hosted by a sallow-faced, monotone bastion of boredom could be packed with...
Shaquille Could Use a Drill Sergeant
January 16, 2008 by
120 Proof Ball
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At 120 Proof, we have jobs. We go punch the clock just like all of you. But, once we're on the company dollar, we like to go read pointless stuff on the internet. Sometimes, we get lucky and find a gem in the rough.Thanks, Captain Obvious: Sam Smith from the 'Trib would have...
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