LATEST STORIES FROM BLOWTORCH
Surprising LeBron James Facts
Favorite Book: Shooting StarsFavorite Movie: More Than a GameFavorite Record: Music Inspired by More Than a GamePlay Count of "Forever" (according to iTunes since 8-27-09): 846Basketball Championships Won by The Blowtorch Proprietors While Wearing LeBron James Shoes: 1Basketball...
Things I Would Say If I Ever Encountered DeShawn Stevenson
Photo via Truth About It"Oh, hey. You're DeShawn Stevenson.""Wow. There's a tattoo on your throat.""I bet that hurt.""Is that Abe Lincoln?""Hmmm...""Oh, there's a crack on your forehead.""What's that about...
Catching Up with Mike Dunleavy, Jr.
I recently had a chance to chat with Mike Dunleavy, Jr. of the Indiana Pacers basketball team. He was very kind to answer a bunch of my questions, and was very earnest in doing so. In an age of irony and sarcasm, Dunleavy's sincerity should be applauded. Here's the highlights...
A Businessman and a Business, Man
Somewhere in New Jersey or Russia... Excuse me, sir. Are you Mr. Jay Z?For shizzle, my nizzle.Excellent. I am a successful Russian entrepreneur and I have some questions about your basketball squad. Where do you dribble? Down in V-A.I was lead to believe that you had ownership of...
Check Out My Band
We're called the Scott Burrell Blues Explosion. Our name used to be Toni! Toni! Toni!, but due to some sort of copyright infringement we had to change our name. So, for now, we're the Scott Burrell Blues Explosion.As you can probably guess from my shirt, our name, and our...
The LeBron James Conspiracy
Remember this?Enhance.Enhance.Good. Now look at this.It is blatantly obvious that I have uncovered another great deception in the NBA. There are only three logical explanations for this.LeBron James has a twin brother named LaRon James who does not have perfect vision and is starting...
A Couple of Basketball Players Talk About Hipster Rap
(phone rings playing Day N' Nite (Crookers Remix)) JaVale McGee: Yo, man. Michael Beasley: Yo, man. You hear this new CuDi album yet? JM: Naw, man. I been playing ball too much.MB: Tyte, bro. I been busy at this place they sent me to. If it sound echo-y, it's cause I gotta...
Real Cool, Marcin Gortat
I see you Marcin, playing for Poland in the FIBA tournament. We all see you, but that's the point isn't it? You of the 34 million dollar contract which you apparently used to buy custom red shoes. Subtle. And that's fine, man. You can spend your money how you want. I assume...
Roll Call
Raise your hand if you're the most stereotypically Greek player of the 1990s, but aren't actually Greek.
Scenes from the Hall of Fame Inductions
Friday afternoon...Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. David Robinson. (crowd applauds) Oh. My. Gosh. Johnny, is he really wearing jeans right now?He is definitely wearing jeans. Ugh.And they are WIDE LEGS. That's so '95.Well look at his hair. Would it kill him to get some...
Kanye West Interrupts Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame Speech
You all might not know this, but EA Sports used to put a fake me in its NBA Live games. I played with him once in maybe 1996, and his rating wasn't 99, which kind of upset me. I'm not saying they messed up, but Live 97 had me at a 99. NAW MAN. WAIT UP YO. THIS AIN'T RIGHT...
The Worst Ever
As referenced in the previous post, here are my two terrible Jordan Brand clothing pieces. Like I said, these are so bad that I can only wear them when I know I'm not doing anything with my wife.First, the tangerine elephant print jersey.Now, the reversible zip-up blue vest. This...
Occasional Observations on Several Subjects: Michael Jordan Thoughts
My due date was February 17th, 1984, which was Michael Jordan's 21st birthday. As anyone who has studied Nordic mythology will tell you, sharing a birthday with someone gives you that person's powers, meaning that I was to inherit at least some of Michael Jordan's skills...
Nets Executives Tour the Barclay Center
This is a guest post posted by the Brian Spaeths who usually posts about other things. He made a movie, and this one time we ate at a TGI Friday's together and talked about laughing.-------------It's been awhile since I've written about the Nets at all, and between odes...
Lamar Odom's Shirt from the Future Has a New Girlfriend
I still remember the day we all saw Lamar Odom's future shirt. It was pretty exciting because we got to see the kind of clothes that we will all be wearing someday. I did a bit of research and found out that his shirt is named The Shirt, and is made of a polymer compound that not...
RetroTorch: Andrei Kirilenko Gets Career Advice
"ЬЦT PЦH-PДШ, ЗЭF I CДИЙФT MДSTЗЯ ЭVЗИ ФЙЗ SКЭЗL, I VILL ИФT SЦCCЭЗD."ДИDЯЗI, MУ SФЙ. FФЯ ZЭ LДST TIMЗ, ЧФЦ ИЭЗD ЙФT MДSTЭЯ ДИУ SКЗЭL. JЦST ЬЗCФMЭ GФФT ЗЭЙ MДИЧ. ZЗЙ, MУ SФИ, ЧФЦ ШILL GЭT MДЙУ...
Wetsuit Shopping with Kevin Durant
This past Friday at the The Blowtorch Wetsuit Shoppe...Kevin Durant: Yo. I need a wetsuit. You look like a man who knows wetsuits.Trez Kerbz: I guess I do. You need a wetsuit?KD: Yeah.TK: Why?KD: Because.TK: Great answer.KD: Chill.TK: I don't even know why you asked me to help...
A Couple of Hipsters Play Basketball
In Silverlake...Hipster at the Top of the Key: Hey, "pass" me "the ball."Hipster with the Ball: Hold on, man. I'm going to try that hook shot Kareem used to do in the 80s. Style was so much cooler back then. Not to mention, I liked Kareem better back when he...
A Couple of Hipsters Talk About the NBA
Grizzly Bear's alright, I guess. If you like glossy production and a complete detachment from humanity. Everyone knows Horn of Plenty is their best record.(phone rings)What up? Wazzzzzzzzzup? Really? Is this 1999?I was being ironic. Yeah. Hilarious, bro.(rolls eyes)So what'...
Rajon Rondo Loves Redbull
Hey, I'm Rajon Rondo of the Boston Celtics. I'm also a paid endorser for Red Bull energy drink. It gives you wings. Thanks for stopping by. Let's check out my abode. We'll start in back.(Rondo drinks a can of Red Bull.)Yo, this is my back yard. I mostly just like to...
Breaking News: Knicks Trade for Ricky Rubio
When scouts said he was small, I didn't know they meant THAT small.
Deep Thoughts with "Smiling" Sean Marks
I am so happy to have escaped the beautiful city of Toronto for the sweltering heat of Miami. For this, I happily dunk.I am quite obviously insane, yet still employed by an NBA team. Though clearly psychotic, I have a championship ring. For this, I giddily dunk. I have grown my hair...
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