LATEST STORIES FROM BLOWTORCH
RetroTorch: Julius Caesar Gets a Signature Sandal
Following his impressive circumvallation of Alesia during the Gallic War, Greek goddess of victory, Nike, divined that Roman Emperor Julius Caesar should be the first Emperor to wear his own signature sandal. "The Caesar" features the latest technological advances including...
A Hipster Talks About the Lakers
Why am I a Lakers fan? I'll tell you.When I was a kid, my dad was, like, a HUGE Celtics fan. Like he made me watch all these games with him when I was growing up. He'd always talk about how great Larry Bird was and how he was a "genius." Apparently, my dad doesn&...
Chris Mihm Loves the Lakers
Even though he was traded to the Grizzlies, an incognito Chris Mihm has been spotted at recent Lakers games, hoping to get the call from coach Phil Jackson.
Stan Van Gundy Does the Sun Salutation
I got a WiiFit yesterday, so I'm basically a fitness expert now. My best skills are in the yoga portion of the game. I'm so good in fact, that many of my closest friends and family have taken to calling me yogi or yogin. It depends on if they use the contemporary English or...
Why I Want a Kobe vs. LeBron NBA Finals
content supplied by BetUS.comI have been secretly rooting for Kobe to reach the finals. Not because I am a Kobe fan or a Lakers fan, but because I want to see the undisputed top two NBA ballers go head to head for a best out of 4 series.If I was a NBA betting man I would have to give...
Kobe Bryant Status Update
Hey guys, LeBron James here. It's been a while since we last spoke, and I wanted to fill everyone in on what's happened since my last appearance. There have been some problems with the Kobe Bryant re-growth program.As you can see from that picture, Kobe appears to have reverted...
Help the Steve Nash Foundation Fight Childhood Obesity
Did you know that......1 in 2 children in the Phoenix and Vancouver metropolitan areas is considered obese by medical experts?...the average child in these two cities eats a little more than four hot dogs per day?...that because the weather is so beautiful in these two cities that...
Come On, JR Smith
I don't want nobody sound like nobody from my clanMan keep it real, get your own stuff man, and be originalAnd you'll be a better manAnd you gonna come out on your ownWhatever how you gonna take it man
When Our Powers Combine
EARTH! WIND! FIRE! WATER! ........................... Ummm...heart? We need you man. Come on. CORAZON! GO PLANET!!! You rang?
Nene Meets Maybyner
Hey. Who are you?I'm me.You're me? Well, I'm me. Who is you.So I'm you? No. You're you. I'm me. But I'm you too.I hate U2. Me too.
Someone Found My Senior Picture
My mom has always regretted buying me those giant NBA jeans. Now that the Internet has discovered my portrait, so do I.(via)
An Interview with a Special Blowtorch Correspondent
From time to time, I'll be checking in with my cat, Boots with the Fur, to get her thoughts on the playoffs. This is the first of those times.Me: First of all, thanks for taking the time out of your day to meet with me. I know you're busy laying on the floor, eating, or laying...
A Couple of Bros Go To a Lakers Game
Bro, Lake Show tickets TO-NIGHT. I'm talking courtside baby. You in.Bro, I'm so in. You know I'm in. Like I got anything better to do. Some broad wanted to watch P.S. I Love You but if she thinks I'm missing the Lakers, she can jump in a lake. Bro, you're money...
A Few Words from V.A.S.T. CEO LeBron James
Hey America, CEO and co-founder of Variegated Advanced Scientific Technologies, LeBron James here. I just wanted to let you all know that our shrinking experiment has been a great success.Also, the resizing program is going according to schedule. Mr. Bryant has already returned to...
The Utah Jazz Get Their Revenge
Last night I was watching Law & Order because that's what you have to watch if you want watch playoff games on TNT. It was the episode where a guy commits a murder and he thinks he's going to get away with it, but at the end, he ends up getting convicted. You know, that...
Variegated Advanced Scientific Technologies' Shrinking Ray
Hi, I'm LeBron James, basketball player for the Cleveland Cavaliers, MVP of the NBA, but most importantly, CEO and founder of Variegated Advanced Scientific Technologies, V.A.S.T. for short. For the past three years, V.A.S.T. has championed the advancement of science and technology...
Text Messages I Received During the Bulls/Celtics Game 7
These real life messages from real life bros were received between 6:37 and 10:32 pm Saturday night. It's like the Brad Miller remix of Texts from Last Night, only not made up.-------------6:37 -- Im nervous about a game i have no rooting interest in.6:39 -- If i had one. I have...
Bradger On A Hundred Thousand Trillion
Remember back when I almost killed Brad Miller? That was a really dark time in my life. The world had turned to grey, and I thought I'd blown if for the Bulls and for Brad Miller. Maybe I had cursed him. Like I always do, I listened to The Fray's "How to Save a Life"...
Hey, Let's Make the Worst Sign Ever
"Dude, we've got to make a sign for tonight's game. The Nugs can clinch!""OH that's right! For sure, let's make a sign. But we need to make sure it's very to the point.""Yeah, yeah. Like nothing that doesn't make sense or that's...
RetroTorch: Wilt Chamberlain Dunks
While Wilt Chamberlain dunked, teammate Tom Meschery was frozen in terror. Wilt hadn't seen the enormous robot destroyer approaching the court. Just like dinosaurs, if you didn't move, the robots couldn't see you. But, well, Wilt had moved. Fortunately for Wilt, he was...
I Think I Killed Brad Miller
Remember when I unearthed the video of Brad Miller cutting off his beard? That was a really emotional video that deeply affected me emotionally. And I've regretted it to this day. I'm even pretty sure that showing that video killed Brad Miller. On the inside.It's been basically...
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