LATEST STORIES FROM BLOWTORCH
Birdman Meets Birdman
You know me, I don't need no introduction. It's Baby, the numba one stunna, I shine every summa. The one and only Birdman, I fly in any weather.But I be hearin they some balla callin his self Birdman. That aint gon fly, playboy. Baby, Brian, B, Bubba, you can call me what you...
Chill Out Justin TimberLakers
Look, Justin Timberlake, I like you. I've seen you in concert twice solo and once with *NSYNC. I bought both of your records the day they came out. One time, I signed autographs at a mall because these two young girls thought I was you and it made their day. I even didn't think...
Here's Your Proof
If you've ever doubted the accuracy of this Internet weblog site, don't. Everything you ever read on here is true. Just two months ago I posted this absolutely brilliant deconstruction of Vinny Del Negro's coaching methods. Included in that post was this picture:You might...
Carmelo and Chauncey Come Back to Earth
Space was really cool LOL but we want to talk about the Playoffs. Right Chauncey?Word.
Good Action I
As there is nothing actually happening in the NBA today or yesterday (aside from the Devil collecting on last year's deal with the Celtics) here's some good action: During the playoffs, I'll be doing little videos for Hardwood Paroxysm. There is going to be no editing or...
Whatever, Dwight Howard
It's finally happened; the slam dunk has lost its cache. You're probably thinking, "yeah, right. Go back to Alabama where they don't even have SLAM at bookstores and you'll end up having to read Can I Keep My Jersey? even though it's not that great. That'...
I'm in Alabama
I am driving a Chevrolet Aveo.I am staying in a Holiday Inn.I am eating at a Waffle House.I am getting sunburned.I am wearing boat shoes.Ergo, content will be meager until Thursday.But first, a two man play I call "We Move as One."-------------We Move as OneFin.-------------
The End of Carmelo Anthony's Space Adventure Letters?
Sup, Earthlings. It's me, Carmelo Anthony.As you're well aware, me and my buddy Chauncey Billups have been travelling all around Space, doing Space things. We've seen some crazy stuff. Stuff that you can't see on Earth. Like for instance, we saw Earth. The whole thing...
If Vin Diesel Was Commissioner of the NBA...
Each team would have two jerseys: skins and white v-neck.Every player, official, and team employee would be allowed to keep their first name, but their last name must be changed to Diesel.Shaquille Diesel would have several MVPs.Drunk driving would be punishable by banishment from...
Brad Miller Cuts His Beard
In this thrilling conclusion (maybe...) to season one of The Brad Miller Show, our hero sheds his facial hair.
I Made It
Guys, I was violently ill this week. I couldn't even sleep through the night and I ate about 150 Tums in 2 days. I didn't know if I was going to live through it. My life flashed before my eyes. It was like watching a Brad Miller video, but with somewhat less headbands. I was...
Go Green, Guys
Hey dudes, it's "Green Week" for the NBA. Maybe you haven't heard of the environment, but it needs us to "go green." This means we need to do things for the environment that make the environment not hate us. If we don't do this, the environment will...
Michael Jordan-esque
I am ill today, and not in the Beastie Boys sense. However, I watched Game 5 of the '97 Finals this weekend, so it'd be insulting to recent Hall of Fame inductee Michael Jordan if I didn't produce some bloggable memes. That being said, I had to dig very deep in to the YouTube...
Even More Carmelo Anthony's Space Adventure Letters
Yo Earth, it's Melo.We're doing alright up here. Actually, I'm chillin'. Cause it's cold in the darkness of Space. LOL.It's all good though. Me and Chauncey have been pretty busy doing experiments and stuff. We brought some gear because we figure it'd probably...
What Happened Was
I was in Canada (the country) for three days, and just returned to a totally different NBA. And it's not just the NBA that changed, it's everything about America. Maybe I'm just seeing things in a different light, now that I've experienced a completely different culture...
Programming Note: OFF
Since I'll be in Toronto until Tuesday evening, I'm leaving the Blowtorch in the paws of my cat Boots with the Fur. She's not a great typist, but she's pretty witty. For instance, it was her idea to poop on the floor in that Brad Miller video. That being said, she&...
More Carmelo Anthony's Space Adventure Letters
What up, Earth? We are. LOL.It's me, Carmelo Kiyan Anthony. Just checkin' in from the deep, dark expanses of Space, wanted to let y'all know what me and Chauncey have been up to this week.Main thing we've doing, like usual is watching Chauncey's movies. We ain&...
An Evening with Brad Miller
Brad Miller is just a normal guy. He does laundry, cleans up cat poop, and bakes pizza. You know, normal guy stuff.
The Leak
In a world where people get book deals for pictures of other people's cats, pictures of other people's food, and even other people's Tweets, I figure there may be a tiny market for a Blowtorch-helmed book about basketball. And if there isn't, I want to write a book...
Kevin McHale is a Graveyard Smash
I was working in the lab late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab began to rise And suddenly to my surprise He did the mash
One Picture, Two Memes: A Blowtorch Guide to Making Jokes
Sometimes I like to do some behind the scenes education for the kids. Today's post is about generating memes. Kids today know a lot about memes, but sometimes they don't know how to make them. But thanks to the ShareBro Meme Incubation Conclave, and careful study with noted...
Carmelo Anthony's Space Adventure Letters
What's up. I'm Carmelo Anthony. I like adventures. They're great. I've been on tons of adventures, because I'm very rich. Like multi-millionaire rich.I've travelled across the Atlantic Ocean in the stomach of a blue whale. I've chartered a hot air balloon...
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