LATEST STORIES FROM CLEVELAND SPORTS TORTURE
Movie Review: Kill the Irishman
This review may contain spoilers. Readers beware.
“Kill the Irishman” is a movie that seems in danger of collapsing under the weight of genre clichés. The chronicle of Cleveland gangster Danny Greene (Ray Stevenson) is stamped with the usual mob-film hallmarks of bloody turf battles, exploding Cadillacs and debtors getting punched out to period music.
These shopworn...
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March 14, 2011
Discuss
Bernie Kosar, Superpowered Movie Star
Well, a beagle named Bernie at least.
In the new Dreamworks movie "I am Number Four," one of the main characters names his pet beagle Bernie Kosar, after the poster on his bedroom wall. Of course, they mention Bernie's speed being remarkable--but this is science fiction, remember. Although, maybe not. Check the video below.
Named for the legendary Cleveland...
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March 10, 2011
Some thoughts on the Tressel mess, missing names, and .... punctuation !!
Jonathan Quilter | DISPATCH
Well now everyone now knows the jist of the story. Some things happened. Jim Tressel knew about some of these things. He didn't tell some important people about some of the suspicious things that some of his players were doing for some other, really bad people. And because of that, he's being fined $250,000 and suspended for a couple huge games...
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March 09, 2011
Buckeyes Hoops: Good to Great
Many who've watched Ohio State throughout the season already suspected there was something a bit off with the "there are no great teams in college basketball this season" argument. Perhaps that is just some confusion with the fact that there may be no obvious standout superstar pro prospect in college basketball this season.
Continue reading...
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March 08, 2011
War of words
I recently received an invitation to a banquet in honor of a young Cleveland native killed in 2005 while serving as a gunner in Iraq. Last week, meanwhile, an Akron native now plying his trade in Miami sent the following tweet:
A certain Akron native's Miami mansion- not exactly a Baghdad shanty.
“20+ games left in phase 2. I’m ReFOCUSED! No prisoners, I have no friends...
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March 08, 2011
Uh Oh. Report suggests big trouble for Tressel, Ohio State.
A few months ago, when the controversy over Ohio State players selling memorabilia blew up, something didn't seem right to me. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I did make the comment (prompted by Jim Tressel's claim that all the players were returning in 2011) that: "Sometimes (Tressel) really reminds me of a car salesman, or at least an SEC coach." What...
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March 08, 2011
Epic summary of the Heat by Jim Rome...
"Fans just don't like stars shutting it down in the playoffs, and then stabbing an entire city in its back by announcing on live TV that they're 'taking their talents to South Beach.' Fans are funny that way."
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March 07, 2011
Sucks to be a Browns fan in Berlin...
Courtesy of the blog "Sucks to be you". Become a fan of them on Facebook here as well.
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March 07, 2011
Kim Kardashian vs. A Gummy Bear
I have to take a few moments to stop protesting against today's NBA athlete and ask an important non sports-related question:
Is it me or does Kim Kardashian's new song "Jam" sound a lot like my 5 and 2 year old's favorite You Tube sensation "The Gummy Bear Song"?
Below are both songs for your listening pleasure. "The Gummy Bar Song"...
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March 03, 2011
At least we're not Detroit
"So a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with Saran Wrap pants..."
Thanks to last week’s trade with the Clippers for Baron Davis and more importantly an unprotected draft pick, the Cavaliers finally seem to have some direction in what had been a season in purgatory.
You could argue as some gloomy national scribes have about Davis’s cancerous...
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March 01, 2011
CST does the Oscars: The Social Network
With the Oscars taking place at the end of this month, Cleveland Sports Torture is revisiting some of the films nominated for 2011 Best Picture. These reviews may contain spoilers, so readers beware.
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“The Social Network” is a movie trying to capture an elusive truth: Just how did a Harvard undergrad build the online global phenomenon that has reached half-a-billion people...
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February 25, 2011
Vox in the Box (25): Top Ten Films of 2010
Vox in the Box quietly turned 5 years old, last month. I had a shot of tequila and threw a snowball into a ******* pine tree. Went inside, had a "sandwich." Thought about writing. Didn't. Fell asleep thinking that I'd write when I woke up. Did not. But I did have half-a-cheescake for breakfast and watched He's Just Not that into You. I came to several obvious...
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February 25, 2011
No conflict of interest here, root against the Clippers!
A good friend and anti-Twitterite gentleman I know pointed out something quite wonderful about the rest of the Los Angeles Clippers: They don't play that team from Miami any more this year. So no worries whether to root for the Axis of Ego or against the Cavaliers draft position (via the Clippers #1 pick). Hooray!
But never fear, you can still root for Toronto, Detroit...
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February 24, 2011
Do You Believe in Miracles?
Baron Davis... and his beard... are coming to Cleveland
Hans Gruber, the evil mastermind in Die Hard, famously said:
"You asked for miracles Theo, I give you the F.B.I."
In the NBA, if you need a miracle, I give you the L.A. Clippers.
The Cavs have shipped Mo Williams and Jamario Moon to the Clip-machine for Baron "Greatest Beard...
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February 24, 2011
CST does the Oscars: The King's Speech
As "Oscar season" winds down, Clevelanders whose first loves include the Browns, Cavaliers, and Indians may be reluctant to run out and see an English arthouse movie about royalty 7 decades ago. Especially with the gag reflex that may involuntarily rise up every time they hear the phrase "The King's Speech." But I can assure you, this film is no self congratulatory...
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February 22, 2011
NCAA basketball shakeup and it's murky at the top
After a crazy week in college basketball where each of the top four teams lost, the polls released this President's Day just add to the confusion which makes college basketball so interesting. Even though I could never claim to be a huge college basketball fan, I love Ohio State, March Madness, and the Big Ten basketball season, in that order. I never sit around on a Wednesday...
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February 21, 2011
Today's NBA Makes My Stomach Turn
It's time for the Melo-drama to end. Please!
As the years passed from my teens to my twenties to my thirties, and I matured (somewhat) from a kid to an adult, my taste buds matured along with me. Broccoli, brussels sprouts, cheesecake, coffee, hummus, crab legs, shrimp, a variety of spices (things I couldn't stand or wouldn't even think to put in my mouth as a young...
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February 20, 2011
Why aren't we mad?
"Decision" night in Cleveland wasn't pretty.
For Cavaliers fans, the tenor of the 2011 NBA All-Star break as compared to last year is what Beethoven’s 5th symphony performed by the Cleveland Orchestra is to a Cannibal Corpse song strangled to inharmonious death by your neighbor’s delinquent son’s garage band.
Last year we had exciting thoughts...
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February 20, 2011
All this tree talk is starting to make me nervous
Seems like trees are in the news a bit too much for my comfort this week.
First, some Alabama fan poisons some sacred tree at Auburn, leading to an outpouring of emotion (check the picture.)
Today a windstorm knocked down the nation's Christmas tree in Washington, and it was something like 40 years old.
At this rate lets just say that Buckeye fans should feel a bit nervous...
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February 19, 2011
CNN's weird photo for NBA "Thanksgiving"
On the homepage of CNN.com today, David Aldridge talks about "Black Thanksgiving," otherwise known as NBA All-Star Weekend. Now I won't wonder why Thanksgiving was the holiday chosen for the metaphor, since the weekend of partying would be more akin to, say, St. Patrick's Day, but nonetheless, I'm just wondering why, of every possible all-star photograph CNN...
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February 18, 2011
A couple thoughts about Blake Griffin's dunks...
Deadspin has put together a thoroughly enjoyable collection of virtually every dunk by Blake Griffin this year. Obviously he is fun to watch. But a couple things stood out to me.
First--Many of his dunks are so powerful that the ball gets through the rim, net, and maybe sonic barrier faster than I've ever seen before.
Second--Even without a running start, Griffin gets...
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February 18, 2011
Woke up thinking of Montell Jordan. Must be spring training.
I'm not sure what was going on this morning. When I woke up, I was thoroughly confused on what day it was. But, oddly, it wasn't panicked confusion like so many mornings.
No stress over work, things on my checklist, or the fact that I still had to see "The King's Speech" before the Oscars.
I don't know if it was the fact that Mother Nature gave...
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February 18, 2011
Does anyone give a damn that LeBron was happy for the Cavs last night?
So LeBron was happy for the Cavs last night? LIKE ANYONE GIVES A DAMN.
Shut up. Please. Nothing you say will fool people into thinking (a) you are a nice guy, (b) you care about the Cavaliers players, fans, and organization, or (c) that they might not be joining the millions...AND MILLIONS...of Heat haters out there come playoff time.
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February 17, 2011
Cavs beat Lakers, continue improbable C-town trend
I don't know what the deal is with painful Cleveland teams lately and defending champions. We have enough cliched "The ____" events in sports history that we certainly don't need a new one, but lately it seems like collectively they can be called "The Tease".
Last night's improbable (let's just say that's understated) win over the defending...
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February 17, 2011
Where the girls are: Ex-Clevelander pursues MLB batting practice 'dream'
Once in a while, we contributors to Cleveland Sports Torture emerge Gollum-like from our pit of self loathing to deliver a positive and inspiring Cleveland-related story. Indeed, sometimes the people on the fringes of sport are more compelling than the “famous” athletes we pay good money to watch. This is one of those moments:
Justine Siegal is making a habit out of breaking...
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February 16, 2011
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