LATEST STORIES FROM DISTINGUISHED SENATORS
An Original Observation
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June 08, 2010
Discuss
Still, I'd Rather Hear Buck Martinez
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April 23, 2010
Stamp of Approval
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April 01, 2010
Is It Just Me, Or Did It Get A Little Less Fat In Here?
Yeah, a little. On balance, we're still fatter than we were two weeks ago.
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August 31, 2009
Is It Just Me, Or Did It Get Fatter In Here?
It ain't just me!
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August 26, 2009
SAM Missile
I still haven't magically developed the coding ability to put that damn poem in a format that doesn't take up the entirety of the front page and the July archive, so hold on. But I totally looked at a Nats-related thing today (lay off, man. I just picked up Wii Sports Resort), and here's what I found.That sequence of uncommon efficiency pointed to a broader, sustained...
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July 28, 2009
Y is for Youth
Y is for Youth, that’s the Plan that we followThough the record we have makes it tougher to swallowWe’re better than last year, if I may be so boldWe still lose all the time, but at least we’re not oldZ is for Z-Men(n) – we’ve two of them nowR. at the corner, J. on the moundBy the time that we’re good – and this is a suretyBoth Z’s will be collecting Social SecurityThanks...
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July 22, 2009
Postponed for the Start of the Riggleman Era
I'm going to finish this thing next week. I just realized that I have to go to an actual Nats game tomorrow, and preparing for that's interfering with my usual poetical routine of absinthe, opium, and RhymeZone.com, the rhyming dictionary. So stay tuned, and does anyone have a rhyme for "1962 Mets"?
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July 15, 2009
W's for W
W’s for W, red, white, and curly(My cap is a pink one – don’t say it’s girly)We should be careful – it might mean tall greenIf the lawyers decide we stole it from WalgreensX is for Treasure, cause X marks the spotBad teams get good draft picks and good teams do notOur death grip on last place ensures there’s no dangerThat we won’t get first dibs on that catching teenagerThanks...
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July 14, 2009
U is for Unicorn
U is for Unicorn, rarest of creaturesA horn and not existing are its greatest featuresThe odds of you finding one out in the woodsAre the same as the Nats being any damn goodV is for Victory, that slippery dameShe doesn’t come ‘round much at Nationals gamesJust when you think that she’s coming our wayIn comes the bullpen to scare her awayThanks to FromOldBooks for the letters...
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July 13, 2009
S is for Strasburg
S is for Strasburg, whose bonus will floor usThat's what you get when you roll with Scott BorasI can't say I care - he's not after my moneyBut you can see how the Lerners don't think it's funnyT is for Trees, our fine cherry blossomsThe first week of the season, they look pretty awesomeBut when May rolls around, the view’s gone to pottyThe trees are all bare...
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July 09, 2009
Q is for Quaff
Q is for Quaff (that's a dork word for "drink")The Nats are more fun when you’re too drunk to thinkAnother Q word, one that here fits right in:The Quinine in tonic, which goes with your ginR is for Reds, where our players come fromPena and Kearns, also Lopez and DunnWe didn't do well, but the Reds are quite testySince Bodes set them up with a broken MajewskiThanks to FromOldBooks...
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July 08, 2009
O's for the O's
O's for the O's, our orange friends up the roadWhose owner, it happens, is a godawful toadWe've got little to boast when it’s time to get hatin'But as bad as things are, our owner's not SatanP is for Presidents running aroundThey get your hopes up, but then Teddy falls downIt’s a good thing they’re there and a good thing they runIt’s the only time Nats...
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July 07, 2009
M is for Milledge
M is for Milledge, aspiring rapperWhose baseball career has gone down the crapperIt was bad before, now it’s worse by a bitWe sent him to Pittsburgh for a guy who can’t hitN is for Nick, with his nifty moustachesThe baseballs he fields, the baseballs he bashes!Enjoy while you can all his walks and base knocksSince soon he’ll be working for the Boston Red SoxThanks to FromOldBooks...
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July 06, 2009
M is for . . . Let Me Get Back To You On That
I'm going on vacation, so you'll have to wait a week for the resumption of the triumphant Nationals alphabet. I apologize for any weeping and depression that may ensue, but it's not like I can throw off my gauntlets in the middle of a LARP and drop internet rhymes on everyone.
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June 28, 2009
K is for Kontrived
K is for striKeout, which means it’s for DunnStrike three sailing by him – that’s not very funAs bad as that is, it’s nothing at allTo Dunn in the outfield, dropping the ballL is for Lannan, our top lefty hurlerWith eyebrows so long he could use a hair curlerBatters may be distracted - they must be surprisedWhen they see the sasquatches over his eyesThanks to FromOldBooks...
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June 25, 2009
I is for Interim
I is for Interim, like our GMWill Mike Rizzo stay on the job in the end?I can think of one good reason he'll get the spot:Just not being Jim Bowden counts for a lotJ’s for the Journalists who cover our teamThe fans thirst for content, and they produce reamsThe season is long, and it must be a slogIt only gets worse: now they have to write blogsThanks to FromOldBooks for I,...
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June 24, 2009
G is for Guillen
G is for Guillen, from back in the dayA hot-headed fellow indeed was JoseBodes brought him in – I don’t think he was kidding –Based on his skillfulness at babysittingH is Hernandez, my main man LivanWho’s been growing sideways since he has been goneHe’s not very good – take a look at his statsBut he turns into Maddux when facing the NatsAnd here's a special bonus...
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June 23, 2009
E is for Expos
E is for Expos, our Frenchy forebearersWho decamped to the south for a ballpark much fairerSince then they’ve performed with a maladroit touchJe regrette, Montréal, but you ain’t missing muchF is for Flores, poached from the MetsWhich adds to the long list of that team’s regretsWe’ve been waiting around for Jesús to save usBut he keeps getting hurt, so we’re stuck with NievesThanks to
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June 22, 2009
C is for Cristian
C is for Cristian (no H in his name)We used to be better when he came up lameHe’s now got new eyeballs, new shoulder, new spleenHe’s a whole new ballplayer – is he man or machine?D is for Dibble, with his World Series RingHe played the game; that’s why he’s got the blingIf ever you question his statements or hunchesIt’s cool that you do, but bring own lunchesThanks again...
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June 21, 2009
A is for Acta
I think it's time for a little culture around here. Let's begin!A is for Acta, our soon former bossEvery win to his credit, to his debit each lossAdd these things up and it’s quite plain to seeThat he won’t be around by the time we hit ZB is for Bowden, or Bodes to his palsDudes love the Segway, leather pants thrill the galsIf you ever meet him, he’s surely not blandBut...
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June 18, 2009
Tank!
Manny Acta's still the manager, and I think I've figured out why. Obviously, management doesn't think he contributes to winning games. Why else would they let it be known, in their typically loathsome, passive-aggressive manner, that they're going to fire him?But now losing doesn't look so bad. 16-year-old catcher Bryce Harper, subject of a self-parodically...
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June 15, 2009
It's A Hollow Snarl
Hey Dibble, what happened to edgy?Remember that laughable slapfight the Robs Dibble and Neyer got into earlier this week? R-Dibbs seems to have scrubbed it from his Twitter. It happened June 7, but check it now. On the 6th we get a telegram dispatch from the last good Nats game: John Lannan CGVs The Mets 21 1st pitch strikes, 1st CG in The Show. Nice jobThen on the 8th we're...
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June 11, 2009
Signability!
Look, I don't know nothing about no draft. I'm just as elated about the start of the Drew Storen Era as the rest of you, but I'm pretty clueless beyond that. That's what this guy does, and let's all be glad he's there.The story that seems to be coming out of this, though, is that after taking Stephen Strasburg, the Nats went all Chris Rock at the rib place...
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June 10, 2009
Beef: It's What's For Lunch
So many stupid things happen to the Nats that I forget probably half of them. Here's another one to throw on the pile.D.C. Fire Chief Dennis L. Rubin yesterday ordered that all fireworks displays at Washington Nationals games be suspended until a safety review can be conducted, after fireworks debris landed on him as he watched a game, a department spokesman said today.I don...
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June 08, 2009
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