LATEST STORIES FROM EMPYREAL ENVIRONS
Toppling of the Theocracy
Dear Chicago Cubs Fans, You are in for a treat with Theo Epstein signing a five-year deal with your club. One of the most outstanding general managers in the sport will be haunting the halls of 1060 West Addison soon, and I daresay that the ghosts of past doomed seasons
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October 12, 2011
Discuss
Overhaul at Yawkey Way
Since 2003 John W. Henry and his off-field team has remade Fenway Park. After the colossal collapse this September on-field management has been the next feature to be renovated. The latest shocker out of 4 Yawkey Way was the unjust canning of first base coach Ron Johnson. Johnson was with
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October 05, 2011
Tears Over Eight Years
Of exultation in 2004 and 2007. Of frustration in 2006, 2008, and 2010. Of dolor in 2011. I’m watching Terry Francona’s press conference and I think that jettisoning him is a mistake. It’s an extreme overreaction to an admittedly colossal collapse. Bill Belichick wasn’t fired after Super Bowl XLII. Claude
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September 30, 2011
It Is Designed to Break Your Heart
There’s nothing I could say here that hasn’t been stated in a manner infinitely more analytical, anguished, and eloquent elsewhere. Nate Silver neatly dissects the Red Sox’s epic collapse in September. He also concisely computes the dual, dueling improbabilities of the Yankees blowing a seven-run lead and the Red Sox
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September 29, 2011
Lavarnway and Shirley
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8Schlemiel! Schlimazel!Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!We’re gonna do itGive us any chance we’ll take itGive us any rule we’ll break itWe’re gonna make our dreams come trueDoin’ it our way—“Making Our Dreams Come True,” Norman Gimbel and Charles Fox For once Robert Andino was the schlemiel,
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September 28, 2011
Go and Catch a Falling Star
Go and catch a falling star, Get with child a mandrake root, Tell me where all past years are, Or who cleft the Devil's foot; Teach me to hear mermaids singing, Or to keep off envy’s stinging, And find What wind Serves to advance an honest mind. — Song by
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September 27, 2011
Jacobean Era
It’s Jacoby Ellsbury’s world; we just live in it. A few hours after becoming the first Red Sox 30/30 man Ellsbury was one of the few offensive forces on either team in the 14-inning long game. Not only is the season a marathon but these last few games determining the
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September 26, 2011
30/30
Jacoby Ellsbury became the first Red Sox player to have 30 home runs and 30 stolen bases in a season, joining 36 others in an elite list that includes all-time greats like Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, Bobby Bonds, Barry Larkin, and Willie Mays. The list also has surprises such as
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September 25, 2011
Wake Me Up When September Ends
As annoying as the sound clip after the home team scores at Yankee Stadium is, it agitated me more that I didn’t know the origin of the song. I finally gloogled (Google + slog) enough permutations of the words yankee, score, run, and song without putting in the expletives I
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September 25, 2011
Reynolds Rapped
When Mark Reynolds isn’t striking out he’s clearing the fences with circuit clouts. Reynolds drove in half of Baltimore’s runs last night but amazingly didn’t strike out once. Only Drew Stubbs’s 200 strikeouts outpaces Reynolds’s 183 whiffs. The Red Sox are 4-13 since September 5, the day that began their
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September 22, 2011
Annoying Andino
The bullpen band’s mojo helped to break the 4-4 tie in the fourth, but the usually sound duo of Daniel Bard and Jonathan Papelbon struck a sour note in the eighth. Bard allowed singles to Matt Wieters and Mark Reynolds but whiffed Adam Jones. Papelbon relieved Bard and struck out
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September 21, 2011
Straight Pimping
The Magic Snuggie didn’t work. That narrows it down to Red Sox Pimp Dude and his crimson-wigged companion. “I thought it was real,” Don Orsillo said of the scarlet postiche. This from the man who thought a solar eclipse meant the sun positioned itself between the earth and the moon.
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September 20, 2011
Fight or Flight
The Red Sox choose the wrong sort of flight, fleeing the field with their collective tail between their legs with a loss against the cellar-dwelling Orioles. To be fair the local nine put up a bit of a fight in the fifth with Adrian Gonzalez’s RBI double and Dustin Pedroia’s
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September 19, 2011
Winning Came at a Price
Mike Aviles has been one of the few players making any impact in the lineup of late. His home run in the second game of the series proved to be the game-winning score and he kept his team in the game in the series closer with a three-run bomb in
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September 19, 2011
Niemann Marked Us
I guess Norman Chad, Lon McEachern, and Ali Nejad wrapped up all the plumb poker commentator jobs so Fox audiences were stuck with Matt Vasgersian and Tim McCarver for this game. Vasgersian is the most generic sport commentator on the planet. When broadcast companies want to start manufacturing play by
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September 18, 2011
Hole in O
Mike Aviles’s fourth-inning home run with two out broke the 3-3 tie and the Sports Authority sign. Of all the batters that have taken the box the utility infielder was not at the top of the list of people that could rip a hole in one of the signs over
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September 17, 2011
Casey Has Not Struck Out
Don Orsillo observed in this game or perhaps during a game in the previous series in St. Petersburg that Casey Kotchman seems to have been around forever. The first baseman was drafted with high expectations in the first round of the 2001 draft. But in the majors Kotchman has struggled
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September 16, 2011
And Your Bard Can’t Sting
You tell me that he’s got ev’ry pitch you want And your Bard can sting But he’s blown the last threeHe’s blown the last three You say you’ve seen triple digitsAnd that Bard’s got speedBut the ball’s on a teeThe ball’s on a tee When your prized relieverStarts to weigh
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September 14, 2011
Vortices and Ovations
Tim Wakefield won his 200th game, at last. It was his 186th win in a Red Sox uniform. He is just six wins shy of Cy Young and Roger Clemens’s shared franchise record of 192 victories. Given Wakefield’s struggles to attain his career milestone and the threat of the Rays
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September 14, 2011
A Time to Sweep, a Time to Quaff
The Magic Snuggie was summoned but proved powerless to suppress the wave that the Rays rode to carry them within 3½ games of the wild card. What follows are random thoughts I used to distract myself from the horror of this game in particular and the series in general. Marco
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September 12, 2011
What a Joke
Jerry Remy could barely contain his contempt for the Rays’ stadium as yet another foul ball got trapped in one of Tropicana Field’s catwalks. “What a joke,” he commented as B.J. Upton’s went up but failed to come down in the sixth inning. Upton would eventually strike out, but had
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September 11, 2011
Blues, Man. Regroup.
John Lackey would have been better off pitching using the Blue Man Group’s method. They had better command, control, and velocity than Lackey did. In the third inning Lackey made a late break to cover first base when Johnny Damon slapped the ball to Adrian Gonzalez. The Red Sox first
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September 10, 2011
Rehabilitation (No, No, No)
Don Orsillo resurrected a tie of similar style to those he wore on May 4, June 11, and June 30. The retreading of similar styles reminds me of the multiple attempts to rehabilitate Andrew Miller. It seems clear by now that the sixth pick of the 2006 draft did not
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September 09, 2011
Junk Bard Dog
My friend said it best: Daniel Bard devolved into a Craig Hansenesque arm slot last night. Bard’s erratic eighth inning erased what would have been Tim Wakefield’s 200th win. The vigil continues. I would have loved to chronicle Boston’s offensive exploits here, but any accomplishments they tallied were in vain
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September 08, 2011
Lester Hands Toronto Its Lunch
Not only did Jon Lester bully the Toronto Blue Jays for their lunch money, he turned around and used that money to advertise his hot dogs in Rogers Centre. Thanks to Lester’s dazzling seven innings of shutout ball no Blue Jays hotdogged it around the basepaths last night. Blue Jays
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September 07, 2011
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