LATEST STORIES FROM *D FANHOUSE (DAVID WHITLEY)
Bloom Off Whatever Left of Pete Rose
by David WhitleyFiled under: Reds
Break out the asterisk. We need one for Pete Rose.
It turns out he didn't just gamble on baseball, he cheated at it, too. Charlie Hustle used a corked bat as he pursued Ty Cobb's all-time hit mark in 1985.
There have long been rumors of such. The supposed proof came Tuesday in a story on Deadspin.com about a memorabilia dealer who had one...
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June 08, 2010
Conferences, Bottom Lines Expand as Relevance, Rivalries Contract
by David WhitleyFiled under: Big 12, Pac 10Let's see if we have this straight. Texas is going to join the Pac 10 if Nebraska bolts for the Big Ten, which would cause the Big 12 to move to Chicago unless LeBron James re-signs with Cleveland.
If you're confused now, just wait until Arizona joins the SEC and 5,000 cowbell-clanging Mississippi State fans show up in Tucson looking...
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June 07, 2010
Time to Rejoice in Jim Joyce's Honesty
by David WhitleyFiled under: Indians, Tigers, MLB Umpires
If Jim Joyce were a baseball player, he would have blamed his trainer. If he were a golfer, he would have blamed sexual addiction. If he were a politician, he would have said he inherited this mess.
But when Joyce screwed up, he said one thing.
"I kicked the (bleep) out of it."
In other words, it was my fault...
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June 04, 2010
Rickwood Field Celebration a Time to Remember, Reflect
by David WhitleyFiled under: Minor Leagues
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. -- When Reaf Blue first showed up at Rickwood Field he was told to hold a rope separating the white people from his colored people.
When Blue showed up Wednesday, he was asked for his autograph.
It was the 100th birthday party for Rickwood, America's oldest active baseball park. The Double-A teams wore throwback uniforms...
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June 03, 2010
Friends, Family Race Against Time for Mandi Schwartz
by David WhitleyFiled under: NHL Draft, College Hockey, NHL PlayoffsMandi Schwartz's hero is out there somewhere. It's just a question of whether she'll find him in time.
Or he could be a her. When doctors give you two months to live, you'll take a man, woman or even an unborn baby.
Mandi has leukemia. So do a lot of other people, none of whom deserve the brutal...
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June 01, 2010
Celtics Are Right Where They Belong
by David WhitleyFiled under: Celtics, Magic, NBA Playoffs
BOSTON -- What, them worry?
A little thing like becoming the biggest chokers in NBA history wasn't going to bother the Celtics, even if it had the rest of Massachusetts unable to breathe. Now the players are right where they expected to be.
"The Finals," Paul Pierce said.
Boston's not only the first...
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May 29, 2010
Erin Andrews and Danica Patrick Have Serious Issues
by David WhitleyFiled under: Indianapolis Motor Speedway, IRL, Danica Patrick, Indianapolis 500
Most people want to be taken seriously at work. So wouldn't you love Erin Andrews to interview Danica Patrick at this weekend's Indianapolis 500?
Oh, to see the thought bubbles above their heads.
Andrews: "Why am I talking to a bikini model?"
Patrick: "Does this...
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May 27, 2010
Celtics Halfway to Infamy Losing Game 5
by David WhitleyFiled under: Celtics, Magic, NBA PlayoffsORLANDO, Fla. -- Paging Harry Frazee, the '78 Red Sox, Bill Buckner, this year's Bruins and Dr. Heimlich. Please pick up the white courtesy phone and offer the Celtics some advice.
How do they avoid joining you in the junk heap of Boston history?
They are edging ever so closer after Wednesday night's 113-92 wipeout...
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May 27, 2010
Big Chill Super Bowl Would Be Big Thrill
by David WhitleyFiled under: Jets, Giants, Super Bowl
The NFL appears set to award the 2014 Super Bowl to Mt. Everest. The first 1,000 fans to freeze to death will get officially licensed caskets painted in their favorite team's colors.
I'm kidding, of course. The NFL would never give away merchandise. But on Tuesday it is expected to give the NFL's big game to...
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May 24, 2010
Time to Move Ahead to Celtics-Lakers
by David WhitleyFiled under: Celtics, Lakers, Magic, NBA PlayoffsBOSTON -- Enough already. Can we dispense with the formalities and get to Boston-LA?
Orlando has unofficially conceded to Boston. Unless the Lakers boycott Arizona, the Suns don't have a chance. Let's just fast-forward to a series that people want to watch.
There's certainly nothing left to see here, other...
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May 23, 2010
No Special Treatment for Ref Joe DeRosa
by David WhitleyFiled under: NBA Referees
ORLANDO - History was made Tuesday night in a Man-Bites-Dog sort of way. A basketball official "attacked" a fan for yelling at him.
Joe DeRosa (above, center, between Bill Kennedy and Marc Davis) tossed the ball at a guy named Franz Hanning, who tossed it right back. DeRosa then really blew it by tossing Hanning out of Game 2 of...
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May 19, 2010
Howard Stymied by Boston's Old Tricks
by David WhitleyFiled under: Celtics, Magic, NBA PlayoffsORLANDO, Fla. -- Boston may not win the NBA championship. But after Sunday, the Celtics are heavily favored to lead the league in smudged legacies.
First they turned LeBron James from superhuman into human soap opera. Now they are turning Dwight Howard into a professional wrestler.
That'd be fine if the Magic were going...
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May 16, 2010
A Cross Lacrosse Shouldn't Bear
by David WhitleyFiled under: Lacrosse
Virginia's men's lacrosse team is about to play its first games since the murder of Yeardley Love. No matter what happens in the NCAA tournament, the verdict is already in.
Lacrosse players are preppy murderers, rapists and drunks.
That's the only conclusion you could draw from the coverage of Love's death. Something about...
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May 14, 2010
Going Batty Over Supreme Court Justice Nominee's Softball Photo
by David WhitleyAt the risk of getting personal, are you gay?
It's really nobody's business. But if you want to keep people from wondering, do not -- repeat, do not -- play softball.
The latest nominee to the Supreme Court once swung a bat. Now gay rights groups are all upset that Elena Kagan's been outed. Their dismay is based on The Wall Street Journal running a 1993...
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May 12, 2010
Expect Magic-Carpet Ride to NBA Title
by David WhitleyFiled under: Cavaliers, Celtics, Lakers, Magic, Suns, NBA PlayoffsORLANDO -- Let's get the formalities out of the way. Orlando is a Mickey Mouse town. Its only famous fan can't even show up. Dwight Howard is Dikembe Mutombo with balloon biceps.
Insult them while you can. Orlando and its nose-picking fans will laugh all the way to the NBA championship.
In...
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May 11, 2010
For Once, Rules Apply to LT
by David WhitleyFiled under: Giants, NFL Hall of FameImagine you order a prostitute from your local Dial-a-Pimp. She shows up at your hotel room with a black eye and cuts on her face.
If you're Lawrence Taylor, do you A) demand a refund, B) slug the pimp for beating up a woman, or C) envision an excuse that might hold up in court?
"Your Honor, how was I supposed to know...
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May 07, 2010
TPC Round 1, Ho Hum for Tiger
by David WhitleyFiled under: PGAPONTE VEDRA, Fla. -- We've had the Philandering Tiger, the Repentant Tiger, the Comeback Tiger, the Ian Baker-Finch Tiger and now the Mark Twain Tiger.
Reports of his death have been greatly exaggerated.
Sigh.
Woods shot a 70 at The Players Championship Thursday. That was about 20 shots better than some of you hoped.
"I was building toward this,...
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May 06, 2010
Kentucky Flunks Economics on Calipari
by David WhitleyFiled under: Kentucky, Louisville
As if there were any doubt Kentucky has sold its soul for basketball glory, its $4-million-a-year coach is about to get a raise.
Wow, imagine what John Calipari would be worth if his team's GPA were higher than Kentucky's equestrian team.
Not the riders' GPA, the horses'.
"I'm extremely proud of what Coach...
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May 05, 2010
Hawks Make Howard, Magic Look Super
by David WhitleyFiled under: Hawks, Magic, NBA PlayoffsORLANDO, Fla. -- After pouting, fouling and sitting his way through the first round of the playoffs, everybody was wondering what was wrong with Dwight Howard.
Nothing the Atlanta Hawks and Nick Nolte can't cure.
The NBA's self-proclaimed Superman is back. If only he could play the Hawks every game from here on out...
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May 05, 2010
Offering up a 'Zona Defense
by David WhitleyFiled under: Diamondbacks, Marlins, Nationals, Orioles, MLB All-Star GameIt used to be easy to spot a racist. They wore white hoods with eyeholes cut out.
Now they wear Arizona Diamondbacks caps.
At least that's the message from opponents of Arizona's new immigration law. They are calling for fans to picket Diamondbacks games. They want the 2011 All-Star...
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May 03, 2010
Tiger's Enough to Make Some Wilt
by David WhitleyFiled under: PGAForgive me, Father. For I have sinned.
I can't get over Tiger Woods' sinning.
God knows I want to. I'm as tired of the Tiger story as the next 300 million Americans. All the arguments have been exhausted and it's time to move on with our lives.
If only the National Enquirer would let me. The latest news flash:
Tiger cheated with...
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April 30, 2010
Stop Excuses, Before I Lose My Mind
by David WhitleyFiled under: Steelers, NFL InjuriesLike most of you, I was disgusted when I heard what Ben Roethlisberger's been up to this offseason. Apparently, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves.
Who knew it was all in his head?
It seems the four concussions Big Ben has suffered may have helped turn him into the Tommy Lee of quarterbacks. At leas, that's a theory being...
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April 28, 2010
Jaguars' Future Dries Up Without Tebow
by David WhitleyFiled under: Jaguars, NFL Fans, NFL QuarterbacksJACKSONVILLE BEACH, Fla. -- Tim Tebow's throwing motion claimed its first victim Thursday night. The Jaguars. They pretty much threw away their future. I'm not sure Jacksonville's loss will be Denver's gain, but Los Angeles will surely benefit. The Jaguars blew their last great chance to keep the Mayflower...
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April 27, 2010
Broncos, Jets Define Character Differently
by David WhitleyFiled under: Broncos, Jets, NFL Draft
Circle October 17 on your NFL calendar. It will be Truth, Justice and the American Way vs. the Jets. New York fans won't quite circle it that way. They'll look at the schedule and see the Broncos. But the game will be a clash of philosophies that extend beyond football. New York believes in talent; Denver believes in...
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April 27, 2010
A Refreshing Display of Ethics; A Call for Common Sense
by David WhitleyFiled under: PGA
Imagine the Yankees forfeiting last year's World Series because Joe Girardi misspelled a name in the batting lineup.
How about LeBron James making an NBA-title-winning free throw this year, only to have it disallowed because a bead of sweat dropped on the ball before he shot.
It would be ridiculous, pointless and downright laughable.
It would...
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April 19, 2010
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